Father in Law 80+ naughty boy

[WhatDidIjustHearr]

This is not really an AIBU but felt like a good place to post.

Staying at my in laws at the moment with the kids. Mother in law and DH went out and I’m working from home. Father in law is also at home.

I’m upstairs and he is in study downstairs. Suddenly I hear a woman’s voice - it sounds like she is in distress or sort of semi screaming in pain. Well the first few seconds I thought that’s what I was hearing as thought he must be watching some crime / drama or something… but he was clearly watching porn.

I think he is rather deaf, it was rather loud. He did turn it down a bit but the change of volume was like someone who is screaming is now just shouting.

I don’t judge anyone for watching porn but I actually had a physical reaction to that and feel somewhat sick.

He, I assume, clearly didn’t think I can hear it. Or did he forget I was here?

I would tell your husband

Just tell your DH. Bloody hell watching porn is quite usual for older men, the the ethical side wasn't a discussion 60/70/80/even 90's. We have hearing loss in the family and people can't always judge the volume. Your DH just says that you are working and whatever he was watching was very loud. Your MIL might have made an agreement with him, that's what happens, as we age and our sex drive suddenly mismatches. Your use of naughty boy was very strange and quite 🤢.

Someone needs to make him aware that he had it too loud 🤦🏼‍♀️ Unless I’ve missed it, it’s still not been confirmed that he even knew someone else was in the house.

When someone has declining hearing they don’t always know. The TV gets louder and louder, they miss stuff because they don’t hear it, it’s a gradual decline and unless it’s highlighted it’s easy to miss.

It’s not minimising language, it’s balanced.

Do you know what noise cancelling headphones are?

Watching porn is grim, full stop. Especially with the screaming. How do you know it's not a woman screaming because she's being hurt? Don't give a shit if he's 80 or 18.
Maybe if more people 'grew up' and realised just how foul the porn 'industry' is then it would die out.

@ThatRareUmberJoker
paedophile
Unless you are American

As many have suggested @WhatDidIjustHearr, bring this to your husband's attention. Why would you not want to share it with him? You're clearly shaken and distraught. If my husband caught/heard my father doing the 'deed' while watching porn at a high volume, I would expect him to tell me so that I can get to the bottom of it.

This thread seems like a bit of a joke 😅

Unless I’ve missed it

He would also not think I left and I really believe he would realise the volume is likely too high should anyone be in the house.

From the OPs last post.

We won't know if he knew OP was in the house unless someone asks "hey did you know OP was in the house while you were watching porn at 90% volume?" And I doubt we're going to get an answer, but based on what the OP has said its very likely FIL knew the OP would be in the house, and that he is also aware of noise levels.

But she doesn’t even know what he was watching … how exactly does the op know it was porn!
My OH watches all sorts of stupid videos, people jumping off cliffs, playing stupid practical jokes, they include loads of screaming and shouting but are totally innocent.
She says the minute she heard it she put on noise cancelling headphones so how does she know if he immediately turned it off.
It’s a ridiculous ‘much ado about nothing’ post.

You poor thing it sounds grim 🙁🙁🙁
Dirty old bugger can't be that demented if he can find porn online. It makes you see them in a different way. When everyone is back later, ask to go on his pc and put the settings to undr 18 Lol

Man in own house, in closed room, watches porn.

I agree, but when I challenged the certainty it was pron, I only received a non-sensical reply!

I hope this one is added to Mumsnet classics.

@Lizzie67384 Well yes, if you have guests staying with you and you don’t want to make them feel really bloody uncomfortable, then yes, you do need to wear headphones if you want to watch porn at full volume. It’s one of the basics when you’re hosting. You change the bedding, you feed them, you’re polite to them, you don’t make them listen to you having a wank. It’s in all the best etiquette guides. I’m all for not standing on ceremony but there’s a reason we don’t subject our family members to either the details or the sound of our sex lives. They don’t want to hear it. I really can’t believe that this needs to be explained to you.

Why would the children being in the house or not make the slightest difference to what type of porn FIL may or may not have been watching?!🤔
@Cariadm Are you joking? Please tell me that you’re joking and you don’t seriously think the PP was passing comment on the genre of porn he may or may not have been watching?! She was commenting on the fact that normal, decent men do not subject their grandchildren to the sound of exaggerated fucking, even if it’s from the other side of a shut door. And it doesn’t matter how liberal you are, or how entitled you think he is to wank wherever he likes when he has a house full of family members staying with him. Only one type of man consciously does that.

In any event, as she’d already retracted the word a dozen times over due to a misunderstanding in the original post about the location of the children at the time you posted, you and a couple of other posters might have had a better understanding of the rationale behind her comments if you’d rtft.

Given that OP was there and you weren't, I'd say she was in a better position than you to decide what he was or wasn't watching 🫠

You need to read the OPs posts.

We need a meme with the point sailing stratospherically over some people's heads.

The dementia thing is a good shout. Men often go undiagnosed for years. Possibly because if married they tend to be getting most of the day to day stuff like meals and clean laundry done for them by their wife.

My husband's uncle had the type where they lose inhibitions and become sexually inappropriate and aggressive. He was physically and sexually frightening to an 11 year old family member and a jobbing painter and decorator, and would apparently put pornography on the main tv no matter who was around.

There may have been other incidents I'm not aware of but it was all hushed up until the painter and decorator went to the police and eventually he was diagnosed with a form of dementia.

This really made me laugh.

He's got dementia because he's possibly having a "lamb shank"?

@KIlliePieMyOhMy

People's private life is usually private.

Broadcasting their lamb shank is not exactly standard behaviour is it?

I'm sure you did it quietly though. He had the volume up so loud that it scared OP to death. Also, she doesn't know if it was him screaming or a woman in the porn video.

No, he had a lamb shank in public, which was a sign of the personality change that sometimes comes with dementia.

in public? He wasn't in the cereal aisle at Tesco.