Father in Law 80+ naughty boy

[WhatDidIjustHearr]

This is not really an AIBU but felt like a good place to post.

Staying at my in laws at the moment with the kids. Mother in law and DH went out and I’m working from home. Father in law is also at home.

I’m upstairs and he is in study downstairs. Suddenly I hear a woman’s voice - it sounds like she is in distress or sort of semi screaming in pain. Well the first few seconds I thought that’s what I was hearing as thought he must be watching some crime / drama or something… but he was clearly watching porn.

I think he is rather deaf, it was rather loud. He did turn it down a bit but the change of volume was like someone who is screaming is now just shouting.

I don’t judge anyone for watching porn but I actually had a physical reaction to that and feel somewhat sick.

He, I assume, clearly didn’t think I can hear it. Or did he forget I was here?

I really can’t believe the attitude to porn on mumsnet 🤣

Everyone who watches porn needs to ensure they’re wearing headphones so as not to potentially upset someone?

I can't believe the attitude to pornography either - but not from the same point of view as you.

Thanks for clarifying. I think if I were the OP's husband I want to know.

Please apply some logic.

FIL knows he's deaf and FIL also knows other people use this house. There are children that were fortunately out of the house but if you're deaf and you're going to tuck yourself away somewhere to watch porn then you probably won't hear others coming and going from the house so he should take some personal responsibility and in this case, use headphones otherwise it's exposing others to porn that they do not want to participate in.

I honestly can't believe the attitude of some mumsnetters when it comes to unwanted sexual exposure but there we go.

I’m actually shaking.

So is your FIL by the sounds of it.

Op he's old enough to watch porn seriously

It might not have been porn! Plenty of dramas these days have noisy sex scenes. I sometimes turn the sound down in case the neighbours think that I'm watching porn! 😂

I definitely wouldn't tell your husband either way. It will just be really embarrassing for everyone.

That’s hideous!
The thought of a FIL knocking one out while his DIL is in the house so she can hear what he is doing is a bit grim.

He's an old man, possibly with dementia watching porn. It's not a big deal (except on MN where anyone who watches porn is evil).
Or maybe he wasn't watching porn. It could have been a program win sex in if. I'm sure he wouldn't have watched it while the GC were there. Presumably several people coming in would be loud enough to alert him.
People who are deaf really don't realise how loud things are. My parents were awful for this. TV was so loud I could barely hear them speaking and they always seemed baffled by this.

Good god, why on earth would you say it like that?! No one thinks that their father watching porn is funny!

Would you honestly find the thought of your father watching porn (especially while alone in the house with your wife) funny?

Aren't you being a bit OTT? Do you think he's suddenly going to stumble down the stairs with a spark in his trousers stating that he's the plumber and 'oh dear, my clothes have accidentally fallen off'
And how sure are you he was watching porn? You didn't see it did you? You've put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5 and a porn habit.
Utterly pathetic. Talk about scream before you are bitten. But how sad that your reaction is so daft, and that you have to share this distress with a bunch of strangers. If you are that 'shakey' and traumatised, leave.

As evidenced by many posts on here (and real life) loads of people do.

For many people it’s part of their usual expression of sexuality and that doesn’t stop because you’re 80. Sex is something which is usually private and when it’s overheard by mistake it’s funny. Maybe read the hilarious thread on here about someone’s neighbours having sex in their bushes for an example of that.

I'm definitely not going to read that, I'm extremely prudish.

And there you have it, your reaction to sex related stuff is very different to lots of other people’s, no ones is right or wrong but you can’t make sweeping statements like ‘no one would find that funny’ when actually a very large percentage of the population would find it hilarious.

@CouldItBeAnyMoreObvious reading your response somehow I feel who has ever done what to you.

Sorry, this sentence doesn't make sense

@Lizzie67384 So you think he may have dementia but you also don’t think he could have forgotten you’d not gone out? Ummm 🤣

As another poster said try to apply some logical thinking and comprehension.

I would never imagine the FIL I know would want me to overhear him watching porn, let alone purposefully want me to hear he is watching porn. He would also not think I left and I really believe he would realise the volume is likely too high should anyone be in the house.

Therefore, if he did have dementia number of things could have happened. All of them explaining possibly the out of character action.

She is right though, You didn't see it did you? You've put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5 and a porn habit.
All you did was hear something that you thought sounded like porn.
This is how malicious gossiping starts

Exactly my point. No evidence this was porn at all!

You may think that OP's reaction is utterly pathetic, but your reaction to OP's post is equally pathetic. Asking a bunch of strangers for advice with a problem is the whole raison d'etre of Mumsnet and it doesn't harm the subjects of the posts.

OP is very sure that it was pornography that he was watching and she has some concerns about the type of porn:

'The reaction came the more it went on. Definitely not a movie scene. That sort of sound would never be in a movie - probably also hence the reaction. Making me think that’s not what people do in real life and there is a women I don’t know if participating fully through choice in filming….'

Lots of people have said that he hasn't done anything wrong because, as he is deaf, he wouldn't realise how loud it is and that his DIL could hear. But equally that means that he wouldn't hear when the children return and they could possibly run upstairs into his room while he is still watching his porn.

It's fine for people to think he has done nothing wrong and that OP is overreacting but there is no need to be so rude and dismissive.

This. mumsnet isn't having its best moment on here, with all the posters sneering at OP. Hope the situation has calmed down.

Totally agree, you don’t even know what he was watching, you could open a huge can of worms totally unnecessarily. What he does in the privacy of his own house has nothing whatsoever to do with you. Stop being such a prude and just get over it.

She is an adult who overheard another adult possibly watching porn with no indication that this was in any way deliberate.

The hyperbolic language being used around this is just daft.

It doesn't matter if it was deliberate or not. Accidents happen when people don't take care.

FIL knows he has declining hearing. Therefore it's not such a leap to assume he knows that if he can hear something clearer, it's very loud for everyone else.

If he wants to hear better without disrupting everyone else or making them uncomfortable he should take additional precautions, like headphones.

The minimising language being around this thread is just daft.