Help me annoy our neighbours

[NeighbourTrouble63]

Lighthearted (ish!)

I don’t say this lightly but we have the most truly horrible couple (‘young professionals’, although they don’t act like it) that I have ever met living beside us - even since the day that we moved in they have completely blanked us, anytime I have simply waved over or said ‘good morning’ I get ignored. In the 4 years that we have lived here neither of them have ever even made eye contact with me. It is bizarre and I have no idea what their problem is. I feel like they automatically see us as below them since we are renting (I have just gotten through a messy divorce, it is only my very sensible teen DD and I living here)

They have constant, wild parties going on into the small hours. It’s a 1930s semi so very poor sound insulation - we hear everything. I went round and politely knocked their door one Friday party night as DD had just had an operation and really needed her sleep - the door was slammed in my face. Their Range Rover (definitely heavily financed) is constantly parked right over the pavement, forcing buggies and wheelchair users onto the busy road.

They are vile people and I want a petty yet harmless way to get my own back when we move out in a few months. Any ideas?

Dear god, I would ignore you as well.
You clearly despise them and their car ( does anybody really say nouveau riche), so why on earth would you give or want a friendly wave or hello from people you disapprove of?

Deleted as oddly posted twice.

Disgusting but...wee in a bucket for a couple of days, keep it outside in a shed or covered up, as it'll soon start to stink of fish, then pour it on their doorstep in the middle of the night.

Or you could tip it out next to the drivers side of their car if you don't want to go near their property.

I have never come across people like it, the woman squeals like an excited child. It is bizarre

Yes, I work full time plus overtime thank you very much - hence it would be nice to actually be able to relax at home and not be woken up at all hours. Absolutely no need for nasty remarks, I take it you’ve never lived with awful neighbours before.

Please enlighten me as to how exactly

I’m living with them now. And quite frankly it’s a lot worse than this nonsense. They don’t say hello, own their house lease a car and squeal.

Focus on dealing with the actual issue, the noise, and not how friendly they are (neighbours don't have to interact) or speculation on how they pay for their car (who cares if it's on finance or not, it's none of your business). Environmental Health at your local council would be the place to start.

Schadenfreude doesn't normally invole setting someone up.

Nowhere is setting anyone up mentioned.

Maybe they can hear you too, if the walls are so thin?

So many inventive suggestions.
My friend years ago told me a story about her friend who had very loud annoying neighbours when she was renting as a student and they got into the habbit of throwing bird seed into their back and front garden and on their car.
She was an early riser and the noise was something else combined with bird mess on the car. Gave them a great laugh.
They also stuck a small potato in the exhaust of the car.
Stops it dead, but doesn't do any harm.

Leave the house for the day starting from 5am on Saturday and leave music on full blast.

Small potato in the exhaust...that's criminal damage..way too far and I think it is dangerous actually

What?
All of these 'pranks' would be setting someone up. 🫣

Christ I hope I never cross any of you lot! Im highly amused by the poster who can magically tell from the fact that some of us are questioning the bit about the Range Rover being on finance, that we must also have cars on finance!

I didnt even know I had a car!

The most that they would hear from us is everyday conversation. We don’t host parties, nor do we scream at each other and any of DD’s music is always through earphones. The two of us are very quiet

Good try but I’m not jealous of their parties or their car in the slightest - they’re not people that I want to associate with, the odd ‘hello’ is simply common courtesy. I have a much nicer and newer car (and I am actually capable of parking it in my own driveway, not blocking the entire pavement)

As for your NI comments - bigotry isn’t welcome here. The entitlement and ignorance of (overwhelmingly English who have never even visited) MNers to generalise an entire nation is astounding.

You're completely unreasonable to be bringing this up on a light hearted thread. What's next? Someone living in Scotland wants advice about their MIL and you go on a rant about William Wallace? Or a poster is from Paris and you lecture them about 1066?

Odd. They didn’t say you were jealous (and it would be envy not jealousy). And that’s great on the car. Congrats.

I think the dog idea is a good one.Do you know anyone you can have over with a very barky dog?Someone who's available to come after l the loud party?
You're not responsible for a dog, as it takes a lot of work.
That way nobody can do something unkind to the dog as it doesn't live with you.Plus they don't know when said barky dog will drop by for a visit Which early morning.

My neighbours hate when my motherinlaw vidits with very badly behaved barking dog.The 've told me and I try to keep visits short.
For you could be an idea.

Paint/ chalk a football goal on the wall of their actual house? Oh hang on- only an arse would do that. How do I know? Because my lovely neighbour did this to our house yesterday.
It meets your criteria for annoying though.

Then they should conmunicate with the OP instead of ignoring her.

Maybe they've heard you discussing how their car must be on finance and how they never acknowledge you? 🤣

I'm sorry you have shit neighbours.
I also have shit neighbours next door, more Angry Shouty twerp.
I don't condone keying cars etc, but I would definitely go with hoover/music/instrument playing as early as permissable the day after the party, and keep it up for as long as possible, with short 15 minute breaks so they think you've stopped 😁
I'm another English person who loves Ireland, North and South 💚