Help me annoy our neighbours

[NeighbourTrouble63]

Lighthearted (ish!)

I don’t say this lightly but we have the most truly horrible couple (‘young professionals’, although they don’t act like it) that I have ever met living beside us - even since the day that we moved in they have completely blanked us, anytime I have simply waved over or said ‘good morning’ I get ignored. In the 4 years that we have lived here neither of them have ever even made eye contact with me. It is bizarre and I have no idea what their problem is. I feel like they automatically see us as below them since we are renting (I have just gotten through a messy divorce, it is only my very sensible teen DD and I living here)

They have constant, wild parties going on into the small hours. It’s a 1930s semi so very poor sound insulation - we hear everything. I went round and politely knocked their door one Friday party night as DD had just had an operation and really needed her sleep - the door was slammed in my face. Their Range Rover (definitely heavily financed) is constantly parked right over the pavement, forcing buggies and wheelchair users onto the busy road.

They are vile people and I want a petty yet harmless way to get my own back when we move out in a few months. Any ideas?

Post of the thread😆

Love the sound of mirror wrecking donkey, OP this and the wind chimes will work like a charm

Get some of your wee in a bottle. Pour the contents over the handle of the car. Enjoy!

They’re the same religion as me (they love playing sectarian songs at full blast whilst drunk at said parties - very classy, not). My neighbours on the other side are the opposite religion - absolutely lovely people who I will dearly miss. I’m afraid your attempt to make a clever point miserably failed. Nice try though at painting us as a violent and prejudiced society.

Skipping past the political discussion and focusing on how to annoy your neighbours…

• Sign them up for Avon, Christmas Saver and Betterby Catalogues.
• Put a plug in type air freshener outside their door. Preferably cotton candy type smell
• Stick a Live, Laugh, Love mural on shared area walls
• Mornings after their party, hoover your ceiling. Repeatedly.
• Buy your daughter a violin / recorder / harmonica and pay her 20p every time she plays 3 bars of Londons Burning
• Listen to Fox News. Loudly.
• Pop Green Party leaflets under the windscreen wipers of their car. Especially before nightly frosts..,

When you move out, give them a tin of out of date broken biscuits and a card saying ‘thanks for being great neighbours’.

You need to go subtle but long term

Sign them up for visits from various religious groups, free samples of questionable products etc.

Alternatively....

Glitterbomb 😈

From experience, I can recommend Yugoslav Turbofolk played at around 7 am (speakers turned to the party wall).

Do a poo on their front doorstep

"It's very Northern Irish!", "Nowhere I'm likely to visit"

Oh do fuck off. Just typical of someone who's never even been to make such judgemental, ignorant remarks. Northern Ireland has some of the friendliest people in the world. My English husband even sees the difference with the people being so much friendlier there, than in England. You say "Schools are still segregated on religion", a very sweeping statement there, I went to school in NI decades ago and was never in a segregated school, integrated schools are more and more commonplace. Positive change has been happening for decades.

You sound like a student house mate I had when I was at University in England who refused to go to NI with me when I invited all my housemates. Looked down her nose like we were scum of the earth, snotty cow.

It sounds like you've a very closed opinion based on a few things you've heard on the English news, and no actual knowledge or experience of being in our lovely wee country. And before you remind me of the "pipe bombs", I'm not sure what country you live in, but let's take England as an example, it's not exactly a safe country, look at the knife crime, acid attacks, and bombs, (not talking about the IRA, I mean in recent times)?

Kidnap so,ething oaf theirs and send them postcards from whatever it is every week or so.

Scratch their car ‘accidentally’ with your keys as you squeeze past it. Order some food to their house from a private number and tell the takeaway you’ll be paying in cash. Play knock a door run. Bounce a football off their fence or garden wall. Chuck stink bombs into their garden and post some mackerel and sardines through their letter box.

Seriously? These threads expose some really damaged minds.

Ooh they have 2 too, I don’t find the metal one as annoying as the bamboo one 🤣 and a disco ball that reflects all over my kitchen 😖

The LokiDoki Guide to Neighbourly Relations 😈:

Is there a car parked anywhere near your front garden? Jet washer spray can make a right muddy mess so you should always watch out!

Vacuuming right into those upstairs corners and skirting boards is a job nobody wants to do, so best get it out of the way early in the morning.

Music with heavy bass lines travels extremely well so be careful you don’t upset people with that, especially if it’s an almost opposite genre to their own music preferences.

Everyone loves outdoor speakers and big bamboo wind chimes!

If you are going out for any length of time, it’s always advisable to leave something playing to deter Burglars. As an example, Warner’s Ring Cycle is quite “robust” and about 15 hours long. For days rather than hours, the complete Lord of The Rings is available as an audiobook on Audible for 1 credit and, played at the appropriate volume, should help quite nicely.

The wrong type of birdseed spreads weeds absolute everywhere as well as creating a scene reminiscent of The Birds if you have any starlings nearby. Definitely do not feed the birds in your (sparkly clean) front garden or near anybody’s car.

😁

Wait for it to rain and chuck grass seed on top of the RR. It will either a) grow or b) get eaten by shitting birds. Either way....win

Silly String in the dead of night. Tackle the Range Rover.

Clatter pots and pans at 6pm. Wind chimes on every corner of the house.

I read sometime ago on MN that someone mixed milk with cat shit and poured it into the bonnet vents of a horrible neighbour’s van. This was the opposite of your situation OP as it was horrible neighbour moving out. So I guess they were driving off with a cat shit milk shake heating up on the engine and permeating through the air vents of the vehicle.

Hire a kletzmer band for a live garden performance. And then tell them they can practice in your garden at will.

Gregorian chants or Morris Dancing music full blast at 5 am next to where they’re sleeping.

I'd say NI is a pretty safe country, ironically. Parts of England scare me. The worst parts of NI are the large, religiously segregated housing estates which are still paramilitary fiefdoms, and this gives a distorted impression.

Wagner's Ring Cycle is 26 hours long. Perfect.

Now this is how I like my petty.

My old neighbours used to have very loud late partys, i would set my alarm early and mow my lawn,a few other neighbours started mowing their lawns at the same time they were fed up.manners cost nothing noone is any better than any one else,agree report to council noise team about late noise,speak to local pcso police about blocking parking on pavements they are clamping down on this

Decent speakers leave this on

It works a treat. it will drive them insane and they won't have a clue where its coming from.

What an absolutely disgusting thing to suggest! How old are you? My neighbours are absolutely disgusting but I wouldn't even dream of doing anything like that!

Get a cockerel ! They are THE worst. Only thing is you’ll obviously have to take him when you move !!