Help me annoy our neighbours

[NeighbourTrouble63]

Lighthearted (ish!)

I don’t say this lightly but we have the most truly horrible couple (‘young professionals’, although they don’t act like it) that I have ever met living beside us - even since the day that we moved in they have completely blanked us, anytime I have simply waved over or said ‘good morning’ I get ignored. In the 4 years that we have lived here neither of them have ever even made eye contact with me. It is bizarre and I have no idea what their problem is. I feel like they automatically see us as below them since we are renting (I have just gotten through a messy divorce, it is only my very sensible teen DD and I living here)

They have constant, wild parties going on into the small hours. It’s a 1930s semi so very poor sound insulation - we hear everything. I went round and politely knocked their door one Friday party night as DD had just had an operation and really needed her sleep - the door was slammed in my face. Their Range Rover (definitely heavily financed) is constantly parked right over the pavement, forcing buggies and wheelchair users onto the busy road.

They are vile people and I want a petty yet harmless way to get my own back when we move out in a few months. Any ideas?

Sometimes OP I'm not in the bloody mood to acknowledge anybody outside and yeah it might be rude but who cares really? If I want to be a miserable cunt and not smile at people then so be it lol and this might be irrational but if someone waved or said hello every time I walked past that would piss me off and make me feel like they were forcing me to participate in a friendly hello against my will haha just take the hint and go about your day. I also don't give a shit who has bought a house or if they are renting and I give no shits about their cars either. I know a few people who get so wound up about people parking outside their house and it stresses them out (it's not allocated parking btw) I also give no shits if I have to park just a bit further away it's literally a non issue. You are getting annoyed for no real reason

Are your houses attached?

If so, I would make a playlist of all the songs they play during their inconsiderate parties and blast them out at top volume for hours at them, starting as soon as their parties quieten down. So if their party ends at 4am and you're still awake, start your "party" right next to the joint wall, go sleep on the other side of the house and keep it going until 9am. They can hardly come and tell you to be quiet.

The other suggestion I've seen a few times is to play YouTube noise of dogs barking loudly on a loop whenever you go out. If they come to complain, just tell them you don't have a dog.

You give no shits about wheelchair users and families with buggies being forced to walk on a busy road? Sounds delightful. I have my own driveway - where they park does not affect me. The selfishness of it all is another story.

my neighbours are vile, constant noise, fly tipping, horrible misogynist abuse when i asked them to keep the e noise down, broke into my yard and pinched my bin, have turned house into an unofficial HMO, This is just a snapshot of what I have experienced I have reported them to the council and the police. Began doing it two years ago and guess what...nothing has changed. Council have a file on the property and say I have legitimate concerns and they are "working on it". So my point is, there is nobody who will do anything in relation to noise and anti-social behaviour. Everyone on my street who live near them hate them too so at least I am not alone but I dream about them moving away

Borrow a baby with colic.

Better still - paint it on their financed RR, so word gets around 🤣🤣

Report them using whatever is the current equivalent of an ASBO.

We have a poxy neighbour who has pretty much upset or abused most of the residents and some of the things he does when his wife isn't around are:

Throwing out screwed up circulars/drink cans from his car window as he drives past, Reverses into a dirt driveway (we are rural) and spins his tyres, then tracks the dirt/mud down the road. Dropped a bucket ? of cow dung over letterboxes, Sits in the car and really rev's the crap out of it to annoy our neighbours. Been abusive on social media using his wife's account but giving himself a non de plume. Throws fresh dog bones over our neighbours fence, we are unsure if they are poisoned or not, but neighbour throws them back and notified the police. Hedge trimming goes over the neighbours front fence at a hidden section etc.

Personally we all wish he would ignore the rest of us and go and get a job.

I once lived across the street from a house of about 12 students who would have regular parties on a week night until 4 or 5am. I therefore stood on their doorstep at 7am and hammered on their door until someone answered so that I could complain to them!! (As I had to go to work!!)
I also took great satisfaction once when I saw doting parents coming to pick them up at the end of term, in letting them know just how often this had been happening and how rude they’d been to me and other neighbours about the situation!! Said student was suitably quiet and didn’t say a lot - but his mum did!!

Sod the trumpet and get yourself a tuba!

The collective We been advised we have to record his actions and give the footage to the police....

I can totally understand folk taking matters into their own hands.

Love your style! OP if you don’t know where to start with this the Ceca is a good name to google

Their Range Rover (definitely heavily financed) is constantly parked right over the pavement, forcing buggies and wheelchair users onto the busy road
I believe that's the only way a range rover can be parked, other than in a bike lane or straddling two parking bays.

Revenge topiary

A few tins of veg every soup over the Range Rover, make it look like someone has puked on it.

A bloke I knew who worked in a garage once mocked up a number plate with something very rude on it, 'WAN K3R' or something, and stuck it to the rear plate of someone's car. They drove about with it for a couple of days before they even realised.

Can you not complain to the police about the noise?

As for revenge, after a party, they would certainly be sleeping, so its the time for making noise. My sister annoys her upstairs neighboors who listen to Bollywood movies in the middle of the night with loud classic music in the morning.

-Ignore them too.
-Put something sharp where they park their car.
-When you leave, put something close to their door that will rot and stink (someone I know did it to a vile neighboor)
-Use magick (tons of books on amazon), there are spells on quieting loud neighboors or even making them move. I would go with the latter, many people have success with that.

What a great idea! I definetely dont have enough imagination!

OOh I had sucky neighbors for a many years, they just moved so I consider it a win. I put my compost bin right next to my fence but about a foot from their deck, stuff stinks in the summer here and dam, the flies it attracts. I had a mate, who owns a farm, supply me with nice ripe manure for my veggie beds right before their 4th of July cook out, I did this annually and my mate could deliver quickly when I saw the signs of a gathering so I always managed it. I rewilded the ground at the side of my garage, let it go totally wild. I cant see it from my window but its right next to their front yard ans totally noticeable from their front windows and ran the length of the property line. The vines were EVERYWHERE. I had wind chimes everywhere, and bottles of coyote pee.( we have ground hogs and the smell keeps them away) I planted thuja trees and bushes along my property line that took care of any sun hitting their pool deck eventually. Then I got bees.
Nothing illegal but I drove them crazy, these people were awful, used to call the cops on my kids any chance they had, put a bucket truck over my fence and took down 1/2 a tree before I got home and stopped them, called building enforcement every time I had work done even when they could see my permit in the window ( but those same building regs didnt actually apply to them). I was thrilled to bits they moved and Im sure they probably were too as I had made it my mission to be "that" neighbor

A lovely paste of weetabix and milk left to dry on a hot day on the bonnet of the car 🥸

Buy some black electrical tape then "alter" the rear number plate on their car. Be sure to make it look obvious so it will draw attention and get them pulled over.

Op you're the problem here.

My neighbor plays darts and his board is attached to the wall that adjoins our house.

When he decides to have his very regular practice session, i hear three loud thuds repeated every 45 seconds for an hour or 2 at a time.

It's slowly driving me insane . So i recommend you and dd take up darts.

They squeal constantly?? Ok.

op, do you have a job? Something to focus on rather than your neighbours?

They sound appalling, OP.
We have endured dickhead neighbours, so I feel your pain.