To be furious at husband for secretly vaping while Ttc

[mmmkayyyy]

Posting here because of anonymity. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year, I have two children already from previous relationship and he has none. He used to be a smoker but quit last year when we decided we wanted a baby. Today I found empty vape items in his bag. I'm so upset as I feel like I've been carrying the burden of this going on for so long and no baby (except one miscarriage last year). He said he's been doing it when he's stressed but he will switch to nicotine gum. I feel violated as I didn't consent to having chemical-laden semen in my body while TTC. I've told him im not having sex with him anymore. Aibu?

Are you quite well? Chemical-laden semen?

Urm…yabu

i don’t smoke. I don’t vape, but you can’t judge what your husband does

If he ate marmite, would you then have marmite laden semen in you instead? For example.

Wtf 😅

Chemical laden semen 😂😂😂😂

Won't the sperm still be chemical laden, by your standards, if he uses nicotine gum 😂

Maybe PPs aren’t ttc and aren’t aware of the messaging to not vape when ttc.

https://mft.nhs.uk/app/uploads/2023/12/SMPIL-23-016-Vaping.pdf

Oh dear this has to be a wind up.
Chemical laden semen
I dread to think what I'm laden with...

Thank you. The information I obtained was that it contributes to issues with implantation and also birth defects which is why I'm so upset.

Chemical-laden semen? 🤔
Oh well, problem solved if you're not having sex anymore.

Decades ago, people were bashing out kids willy-nilly.

Most people smoked years ago.🙄

There are issues around a. Having an addictive personality, and b. Being dishonest/sneaky, here.

Neither of them are fantastic traits for having babies with someone.

It sounds like you're under P to conceive because he has no kids of his own. Might it be a better fit to meet a man who's already got his own kids, like you (?)

How old are you, do you really want to go through the baby etc stage again now?

How old are your kids?

Do they already have half siblings through their Dad?

How long have you been married and how long before that have your kids known him? It's not often in the best interests of kids to have new half siblings ..... I'll be flamed but ..

I feel violated as I didn't consent to having chemical-laden semen in my body while TTC. I've told him im not having sex with him anymore.
That's enough internet for today, jesus bloody wept.

Stop being so dramatic OP. Chemical laden semen for god's sake. He's taking a sneeky puff now and then, not mainlining heroin. Out of interest, does he actually want to have a baby?

And was previously when he smoked.

Lack of consent for "chemical laden semen" is a weird flex.

IDK why OP didn't just stick to irritation that he has compromised his speak quality.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/nearly-2000-chemicals-some-potentially-harmfulfound-in-vaping-aerosols-180978872/

Everyone's acting like the op is cray, but is she?

You don't agree to give you smoking to tttc and then vape, which has lots of potential issues that are being highlighted and haven't been investigated or studied yet; and lie about it to the person you're TTC with.

Ateotd issues with pregnancy and with babies once they arrive; tend to fall on the shoulders of the Mum more than the Dad.

*And was previously when he smoked.

Lack of consent for "chemical laden semen" is a weird flex.*

The flex is that she wasn't TTC with him then.

She's also now probably wondering if the miscarriage she suffered (and let's face it, she suffered it, not so much him) could have been in any way affected by the vaping; which kept from her. Maybe not, but from the link above, nhs trusts are clearly asking couples ttc and having fertility treatment not to vape.

And there were some disastrous implications.

Ofcourse she can judge what her husband does. She can judge what anybody does.

Apparently nicotine gum only has the nicotine, not the chemicals and is therefore considered ok.

This, along with alcohol it's an absolute mystery how the human race has survived. YABVU

Thanks so much. I really appreciate it. I just feel like he's been sabotaging me behind my back with this, I thought it was common knowledge how important a healthy lifestyle is when TTC especially with dramatically falling fertility rates.

Quite! 😂

I suppose I was open to a bashing though. I remember I had to re-home a cat years ago because of a postpartum panic disorder and I got flamed on here lol

Dear God, people never cease to surprise me with the twaddle they come up with these days 🤦‍♀️