To be furious at husband for secretly vaping while Ttc

[mmmkayyyy]

Posting here because of anonymity. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year, I have two children already from previous relationship and he has none. He used to be a smoker but quit last year when we decided we wanted a baby. Today I found empty vape items in his bag. I'm so upset as I feel like I've been carrying the burden of this going on for so long and no baby (except one miscarriage last year). He said he's been doing it when he's stressed but he will switch to nicotine gum. I feel violated as I didn't consent to having chemical-laden semen in my body while TTC. I've told him im not having sex with him anymore. Aibu?

TTC is tough, especially after a miscarriage I'm sorry.l 🤍

Personally, I'm qn ex smoker and don't think its a big deal BUT if you spoke about it and he went back on his word I would be very upset.

Also, I have to ask - whats post-partum panic with cats? I've never heard that before!

Really ?

Why are you trying to get pregnant if you don't really want another child .

Why is that any of your business? 🙄

Honestly op, you are a bit of a mismatch.

Also do you really think it's best for your two kids?

You might be better with a man who already has kids.

And for some who wants ot more than you, vaping and hiding it is not very .... Responsible or sincere.

Can I ask?
If you conceive despite his laden semen....will you continue the pregnancy with a chemically laden foetus?
Of course you would, good lord, this post has me in despair, are we really that snowflakey now?
Give him a break OP, desperately OTT

It’s the nicotine that may hinder sperm, so switching to patches won’t help.

Stress can be a major factor in unsuccessful conception. I think it would be best to put things on hold for a while, it doesn’t sound like you are both on the same page, and if you’re not that bothered about a baby, it doesn’t seem fair to the potential baby, especially if the father is stressed and the parents aren’t on the same page about something so fundamental.

Is that what I said? I said he wants a baby more than me. Not that I didn't want one. If I didn't want one I'd be thrilled he was lowering his sperm count intentionally.

I can't fucking stand vaping - especially the smell of it and I'm regularly accused of being a bit ott about it by my vaping dh.

Your post however makes me look positively chilled out about it - although I do agree with a previous poster that said ttc fucks with your head. It really does; so I'll just send a bit of solidarity from a fellow vape hater!

I absolutely hate them, a vape in a man's mouth just makes me think of an overgrown baby with a breastfeeding substitute. Thanks for the solidarity.

🤫 Do you think we should tell the OP there’s a very high likelihood that she was conceived with chemical laden semen which ultimately created her pure as the driven snow eggs?

I've told him im not having sex with him anymore.

I suspect this will hamper your chances of conceiving a bit more than vapey sperm.

Not me imagining thousands of little sperm swimming round vaping in the womb 👀

Because its posted on a public site and I'm interested.

Why a woman would have a child, with a man who is already lying about vaping !

Especially as she's stated she's happy with her two children.

You're no longer ttc if you’re not having sex. How do you see this playing out?

Chemical laden sperm,

I honestly don’t know how he even looks at you with a straight face..

Op, you agreed to ttc with a non-smoker and non-vaper. I wouldn’t agree for either to be the parent of my child.

People are massively missing the elephant in the room which is a massive lack of respect by the husband for vaping when he agreed not to. It's irrelevant whether there's risk or not. The OP asked him not to, he agreed, then he goes behind her back and does it anyway. Such a lack of respect is a massive red flag!

OP the guys not a monster, he’s struggling to come off nicotine. He’s not being transparent about this and your reaction will just continue that.
support him, and sort it out between you’s

Being addicted to something is fucking hard though.

I've stopped smoking plenty of times and then cracked again while on a night out or on a bad work day.

I'd be fucking astounded if my husband took that as any sort of reflection on our relationship, or how seriously I take it, rather than just simply understanding that addiction is hard to beat.

OP also states
I remember I had to re-home a cat years ago because of a postpartum panic disorder and I got flamed on here
I've ran out of things to say about this OP

I'll probably be absolutely flamed for this, but its really not meant to enrage those ttc.

What if when ttc, the pursuit of an uber healthy lifestyle with no slips on anything, smoking, vaping, fitness, weight control, diet,sleep, no upfs and so on is so stressful that it impedes conception?

Our parents and grandparents didnt seem to have the same fertility issues despite often smoking and drinking etc.

OK I've probably infuriated MN but it does strike me as something thats a possibility.

I think you could see the bright side- that he gave up smoking and maybe has been really trying. Kicking an addiction for some people is so hard. Vaping is gross but there are a lot worse things people do. Have you even thought why he might be doing it. You haven't been TTC that long, maybe you should give him a break.

@quizzys stress is proven to impede conception.

Honestly op if you would be ok with "just your two" maybe you should leave it at that. Perhaps your extreme reaction is because you don't really want this.

Judgey, much? So she went on holiday and had fun like most people do. Got pregnant, it may be with her husband, in any case its not your concern @Coldsore. You sound mental.

I was just about to say the same thing.