To be furious at husband for secretly vaping while Ttc

[mmmkayyyy]

Posting here because of anonymity. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year, I have two children already from previous relationship and he has none. He used to be a smoker but quit last year when we decided we wanted a baby. Today I found empty vape items in his bag. I'm so upset as I feel like I've been carrying the burden of this going on for so long and no baby (except one miscarriage last year). He said he's been doing it when he's stressed but he will switch to nicotine gum. I feel violated as I didn't consent to having chemical-laden semen in my body while TTC. I've told him im not having sex with him anymore. Aibu?

Don't get me wrong, I have every compassion for what you are trying to do. However, your post is the perfect example why there are so many break ups while couples are trying to conceive. You are putting not only yourself through so much pressure that you are obsessing about every little second of your life and your actions, you also apply it to your partner. Sometimes, you need to take a step back and consider, whether your single obsession with having a child doesn't have a negative influence on your relationship. Telling your partner that you don't want their chemicals laden sperm inside you may express your worries about their fertility but will it contribute to your partner and you having a satisfying sexual life?

OK, this is just getting ridiculous now!

This is ridiculous. If he is without issue Fertility wise and you the same then a vape will not stop you getting pregnant

Infact if you’ve been trying a year then some other issue must be at play!

people get pregnant who are fat, unhealthy, alcoholic, heroin addicts you name it

The hype about living a healthy lifestyle is code for we don’t know so just go away and improve your lifestyle

Very generously sized testicles 😆

Ahahaha Mumsnet rules sometimes!

Honest to god, phone the police and say your husband assaulted you because he has sex with you and sometimes the odd sneaky vape and just await the blue lights coming screaming round your house.

I wouldn't use your terminology but I do agree with you op that it's very upsetting for you.

The dishonesty indicates he knew it was a problem when trying to conceive and I would be very angry about that.

At least with a smoker you can smell it on them and make your choice whether to have a child or not.

Nicotine gum sounds grim.

I think now it's in the open he really has to decide whether creating a child with you is more important than vaping or chewing nicotine gum when stressed and if he is prepared to give up for good.

You don't want to have a baby with him only for him to start it up again.

And call the bbc, if he is so bad leave him

I was surprised by this post ( as it’s obviously far better than smoking) but then I’ve read up on it and seen that the NHS in some areas limit fertility treatment for people who vape because it’s been shown to affect men and women’s fertility. Which is actually very worrying for the numbers of young people who smoke and perhaps should be more widely known.

OP you are aware that there is no such thing as "chemical free" otherwise we humans and this universe would simply cease to exist.

I understand your frustration, but you need to have a realistic and rational discussion with your partner about if you BOTH want a baby and what you will each do to help with conceiving. An ex-smoker vaping is healthier than going cold turkey and potentially smoking again. I wouldn't be excessively worried about this. I do wonder why he did not tell you about the vaping. Is he normally deceitful or is there any worry there about your reaction?