Evening Wedding Invite, fair?

[Jentefieldroamer]

Okay, so I'm probably a lot older than you and also have some mixed heritage. I'm nearly 70 and been invited to a friend's wedding (same age), some 200 miles away. My friend and I who are invited have been friends for nearly 60 years and she has invited us only to evening party which requires a stay at the wedding venue. The venue has an early breakfast, just expensive rooms and bar is over priced. We will be entitled to a burger on patio. We always considered her a close friend, sharing life's ups and downs. It's a large venue, lots of guests , so please share how you would feel if your longtime friend only invited you to evening disco? We would of preferred to just see her married and return home in the evening but not possible because of venues requirements. No parking also. AIBU that my friend and I don't attend?

No, I think I'd have been disappointed not to have an invitation to the actual ceremony, and wouldn't fancy the expense of the evening do.

Depends.
Is it a small wedding ceremony with only immediate family? If so then I can understand it, and would be happy to celebrate in the evening with her.
If it’s a large wedding with 87 people and I’m one of the only ones not invited to the actual day then I would of course be upset.

It's fine not to attend she probably doesn't expect you to

We thought this also, travelling 200 miles to arrive at 7.00 in evening, when she chats to us we are invited to her wedding.

no parking? is it because its central ?
only expensive rooms? are there other places to stay?

I wouldn't necessarily be disappointed no.
Your friend may just be having an intimate number at the actual ceremony? The venue for ceremony may have a smaller capacity? maybe she values the time at the party more so than the actual ceremony.
Basically it's your friends choice who they invite to the full occasion or just the evening. It's also entirely your choice if you go or not. I can understand why you may not want to travel 200 miles just for a party - but thats up to you.

The venue has over 100 for day guests. We are her oldest friends. She once told me I am like a sister to her.

The concept of ‘evening guests’ seems to do little other than offend a % of the guests.

I believe some venues base their wedding pricing on the number of evening and overnight guests. A burger on the patio seems a little cheap, given that the rooms and the bar are expensive.

Is there anywhere else to stay

Yes, but would have to pay 2 days for parking and we are a couple of doddery old girls who thought we were better friends.

I don’t understand how people can expect people to travel 200 hundred miles and shell out a few hundred quid for only a few hours.

I would be pretty pisses off at not making the guest list of 100 people, although if both bride and groom are in their 70s, I imagine there’s a lot or family to invite.

What time is the ceremony?
What time would you have needed to leave to get there in time had you been invited? Would you have needed to pay 2 nights?

I don't get it either. I think you either invite someone to the whole thing or not at all. I find it especially strange when people give evening invites to people who have to travel considerable distance or even from overseas. We had a lot of guests from far and wide and I just couldn't fathom inviting them to the evening disco and asking them to travel hundreds or in some cases thousands of miles. I think potentially the only time evening invites are justified are for people who are local/work colleagues but that really is it.

Forget the wedding, you and your other friend go on a mini break or a slap up meal out with the money you will save instead!

I would decline the invite, and say that unfortunately it's too far to travel just for a couple of hours in the evening and the hotel prices are out of your budget.

I wouldn't go myself, and I'd feel the same as you not to be invited to the ceremony. I'd expect a bit of a conversation when you decline though. She'll ask why, and I think you should be honest and prepared for the friendship to end if she doesn't see it from your perspective

I wouldn’t go, you won’t even get to spend much time with bride and groom anyway. I’d go for a dinner to celebrate with them afterwards where you can have a proper catch up.

She hasn't cared about being rude to you so don't worry declining her paltry invite is rude either..

Don’t go. I despise evening invites at the best of times. But as a close friend this is unacceptable. Esp at such a distance.

I agree. It's just a way to lose friends.

Don't go.

At age 70, are the wedding ceremony spaces filled up by children and grandchildren and spouses of all the above from both sides? If so I wouldn’t feel insulted by an evening invitation.

I wouldn’t bother going, though. Send a card and/or gift but don’t bother with the hassle and expense for just an evening.

when she chats to us we are invited to her wedding

What do you mean by this?

I agree with PP that if she is having 100 to the day then you're not in the inner circle and can understand your disappointment as you clearly understood the friendship differently

I personally am only inviting out of town guests to the whole day. We are inviting local acquaintances eg work colleagues to the church and evening only but they can easily go home in between or just go to one or the other (we are having drinks after the service for all rather than at the reception, works out far cheaper btw if you are planning because the Lidl Prosecco is per bottle what the venue wants per glass! Borrowing church glasses)

If you don't go, what could you do instead with your time and money?
You're 70, you can do what you like at this point in your life 😂