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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does your partner watch porn?

169 replies

Iamawomaninlove · 05/12/2023 22:12

Mine of a few years was looking for something on his phone whilst sitting next to me, I noticed his recent Google search history had a few... questionable titles 🙄 he had been at home for most of the day whilst I was out.
I have been told most people watch it and it doesn't mean anything, even though there are strong opinions towards the industry and rightly so.
I know it's normal to find others attractive, I think just to see all those searches made me feel a bit disappointed. I didn't say anything or let on.

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theprincessthepea · 06/12/2023 01:43

Mine admitted he did when we had a dry spell a few months back because he knows I don’t watch it and don’t like it. But was either being spiteful or being honest.

I wasn’t happy. We have had conversations about how we hate what goes on behind the scenes in that industry.

GreenwichOrTwicks · 06/12/2023 01:47

mapleriver · 06/12/2023 01:39

Mine used to, I didn't bring it up but he's very interested in UFC/MMA so I started masturbating to it quite shamelessly to prove a point. We had a discussion and he doesn't now. I use a keylogger to make sure I'm not in a relationship I'd rather not be in and he's been in the clear since.

What is UFC/MMA?

DavesRaves · 06/12/2023 01:57

Coyoacan · 06/12/2023 00:18

Thank you. And women on here boasting about watching it. I wouldn't mind if people were reading or just using their imaginations but having to see women being raped and tortured for their kicks...

Being honest is classed as boasting now? Wow.

everybluesock · 06/12/2023 02:01

Yes my husband watches it. So do I.
I don't think I've known a man who doesn't watch it.
Btw, both DH and I are also feminists. Watching porn and being a feminist isn't mutually exclusive.

Ponderingwindow · 06/12/2023 02:26

Yes he does. When we got together, I didn’t have a problem with that. I occasionally watched as well. I don’t anymore. Over the years, my opinion has changed. I don’t object to the actual content. My problem is with an industry that buys consent and participation. If I could be sure all the content were generated by amateurs who freely chose to share their content and freely chose to continue sharing their content, I wouldn’t have so many issues. The problem is that guaranteed un-influenced consent impossible.

since we didn’t enter the relationship with these parameters, I have not demanded he change his behavior. He respects all the boundaries I asked for when we established the relationship. I have explained I would appreciate a shift towards animation and written words, but he has to make his own decisions.

CurlewKate · 06/12/2023 02:36

Nope. Hard no for both me and him.

CurlewKate · 06/12/2023 02:39

@everybluesock
"Btw, both DH and I are also feminists. Watching porn and being a feminist isn't mutually exclusive"

It would be fantastic if you linked to your sources of feminist friendly, ethical porn. Lots of us would find that incredibly helpful.

Gowlett · 06/12/2023 02:41

I don’t know. My dad / BIL look at it.
I’ve looked at it, but it was boring…

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 06/12/2023 02:42

No over here, all cell's/ipad's/desktops linked.

CountZacular · 06/12/2023 02:47

everybluesock · 06/12/2023 02:01

Yes my husband watches it. So do I.
I don't think I've known a man who doesn't watch it.
Btw, both DH and I are also feminists. Watching porn and being a feminist isn't mutually exclusive.

Well as you’ve no way of knowing which of the women are being raped, trafficked or coerced (and it is more then you think), and it’s not close to a genuine need like clothes and food and is entirely avoidable, I say yes, watching porn and being a feminist is mutually exclusive.

Coyoacan · 06/12/2023 04:04

Here in Mexico, we have had so many young girls go missing as they are abducted for the porn and prostitution industry. Sometimes they are found dead later on with signs of having been sexually tortured. But go on being feminist while you watch your porn and we are all too scared to let our daughters out of our sight.

WavingCatsandDogs · 06/12/2023 04:13

Do these men with daughters watch it? Would they be happy with the portrayal of women as sex objects being strangled and fucked up every hole?

No way can you watch a bit of vanilla 'Debbie does Dallas' and not be taken down that road. It's not a girlie mag from the top shelf these days, the stuff we might all have got some enjoyment from.

Its serious misogynistic damaging stuff.

RealBigBarbie · 06/12/2023 04:16

Coyoacan · 06/12/2023 00:18

Thank you. And women on here boasting about watching it. I wouldn't mind if people were reading or just using their imaginations but having to see women being raped and tortured for their kicks...

What the hell kind of porn is that?!

RealBigBarbie · 06/12/2023 04:18

He watches it and so do I. Not very often though as there isn’t enough hours in the day

JanglingJack · 06/12/2023 04:21

There are women that happily use their bodies to make money. Only Fans is just one example. Not all women are trafficked in to porn.

IncompleteSenten · 06/12/2023 04:26

I don't know. I've never come across anything but unless you've got someone under 24/7 surveillance you cannot be sure.

Anonagain08 · 06/12/2023 04:40

I’ve posted about this years ago in more detail but dh does not and professionally he is involved with groups that help men overcome porn addiction which involves quitting, so while they have in the past they no longer watch. So there are men that don’t even if they did in the past obviously small numbers.

DavesRaves · 06/12/2023 05:45

@WavingCatsandDogs The ' do these men who watch porn have daughter's? is irrelevant.
I have two daughters and I watch it, I daresay they watch it too.
Does the bisexual man watching gay porn have a son?

flowerchild2000 · 06/12/2023 05:53

It's not possible to know for sure, but it seems like all men do. I used to volunteer with a group that helped women escape the business, and if people knew what really went on I think less would watch it. I think less women would anyway. It is very harmful and that is a proven fact. I wish people would look into the facts more, it does affect our world in a big way.

watchingtheworldwithwoe · 06/12/2023 05:54

My husband doesn't watch it. I've suggested it but he refuses :/

StoatofDisarray · 06/12/2023 06:05

KrisAkabusi · 05/12/2023 22:15

There are two types of men. Those who watch porn, and those that lie and say they don't watch porn.

There are three types: those who don't watch porn is the type you're missing.

My partner doesn't watch it.

HashBrownandBeans · 06/12/2023 06:10

KrisAkabusi · 05/12/2023 22:15

There are two types of men. Those who watch porn, and those that lie and say they don't watch porn.

My DH definitely definitely doesn’t. I know this because I’d have no issue if he did as I watch it. He doesn’t masturbate either, he’s never enjoyed it. I do, openly. Not all men are the same. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ChaToilLeam · 06/12/2023 06:23

Mine doesn’t. And I don’t either. I don’t want anything to do with that hideous, damaging industry in our home.

jeaux90 · 06/12/2023 06:30

JanglingJack · 06/12/2023 04:21

There are women that happily use their bodies to make money. Only Fans is just one example. Not all women are trafficked in to porn.

This point is so far from real feminism. They are still exploiting their bodies for the enjoyment of men.

Iamawomaninlove · 06/12/2023 06:32

Thanks for your views. I also noticed once he was following a girl on Instagram who looked all of 19, whose Instagram was pretty much pornographic. I remember once on social media a picture of a woman in underwear and suspenders popped up and my ex gave the picture a like there and then, right in front of me..

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