Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does your partner watch porn?

169 replies

Iamawomaninlove · 05/12/2023 22:12

Mine of a few years was looking for something on his phone whilst sitting next to me, I noticed his recent Google search history had a few... questionable titles 🙄 he had been at home for most of the day whilst I was out.
I have been told most people watch it and it doesn't mean anything, even though there are strong opinions towards the industry and rightly so.
I know it's normal to find others attractive, I think just to see all those searches made me feel a bit disappointed. I didn't say anything or let on.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 06/12/2023 06:32

everybluesock · 06/12/2023 02:01

Yes my husband watches it. So do I.
I don't think I've known a man who doesn't watch it.
Btw, both DH and I are also feminists. Watching porn and being a feminist isn't mutually exclusive.

Yes it is. There is nothing feminist about women's bodies being exploited for male entertainment.

And your DH is not a feminist. He's a man.

jeaux90 · 06/12/2023 06:34

@Iamawomaninlove I couldn't be with someone like your partner. Goes against my core principles.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 06/12/2023 06:40

I don't see the point in asking this tbh, as the convos always go the same way, every single time. And unlike shaming people into giving up meat, dairy and smoking drugs (and other things that are public), you will never really know what people are doing in their private lives unless they choose to share it or are exposed.

KrisAkabusi · 06/12/2023 06:59

mapleriver · 06/12/2023 01:39

Mine used to, I didn't bring it up but he's very interested in UFC/MMA so I started masturbating to it quite shamelessly to prove a point. We had a discussion and he doesn't now. I use a keylogger to make sure I'm not in a relationship I'd rather not be in and he's been in the clear since.

You're permanently spying on your partner? That's horrific! Does he know?

Sirprised · 06/12/2023 07:11

Mine doesn't. Neither of us do. And he'd never call himself a feminist either, just a decent person.

He used to when younger (as did I), then we both learned more about the industry and felt uncomfortable with it. There's no way for me to prove that he doesn't (having a keylogger on your partner's phone is seriously off) but our internet blocks it. I've never seen any hint of anything dodgy on his phone. But he's not overly sexual in general - hardly ever masturbates and doesn't have a very high sex drive.

We've been having problems lately and I was thinking about the possibility of leaving and having another relationship at some point. I think I'd find it very hard to find another man who didn't watch porn. Most men my age seem to. It really puts me off.

Beetlewings · 06/12/2023 07:14

No. In the same way as I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who was a conspiracy theorist, they are both fake, exploitative and unhealthy

Snowdogsmitten · 06/12/2023 07:26

Mumsnet is always full of women saying “my partner despises it and would never watch it ever,” but that doesn’t seem to tally with the men I’ve met in real life. At all.

Snowdogsmitten · 06/12/2023 07:35

mapleriver · 06/12/2023 01:39

Mine used to, I didn't bring it up but he's very interested in UFC/MMA so I started masturbating to it quite shamelessly to prove a point. We had a discussion and he doesn't now. I use a keylogger to make sure I'm not in a relationship I'd rather not be in and he's been in the clear since.

Um…what?

Jk987 · 06/12/2023 07:45

Those who say their partner definitely doesn't, how do you know. You're not monitoring them 24/7 surely. Sounds like you're in denial.

thefamous5 · 06/12/2023 07:48

Yep.

So do I.

VenusClapTrap · 06/12/2023 08:00

Mine doesn’t. He gets off on looking at videos of bicycles and mountain roads.

KrisAkabusi · 06/12/2023 08:00

Jk987 · 06/12/2023 07:45

Those who say their partner definitely doesn't, how do you know. You're not monitoring them 24/7 surely. Sounds like you're in denial.

Well, @mapleriver is!

ThreeRingCircus · 06/12/2023 08:03

Jk987 · 06/12/2023 07:45

Those who say their partner definitely doesn't, how do you know. You're not monitoring them 24/7 surely. Sounds like you're in denial.

People that are with men that watch porn always say this.

Of course I don't know 100% but I'm as sure as I can possibly be that DH doesn't. We have both watched it in the past (me more than him!) and have had conversations about it. We discuss things and there's no judgement, I've asked him if he watches it and he says no, he's asked me and I've also told the truth and said no. Not in a judgemental way just a curious way.

He's told me he wanks in the shower though 🤣.

everybluesock · 06/12/2023 08:09

Snowdogsmitten · 06/12/2023 07:26

Mumsnet is always full of women saying “my partner despises it and would never watch it ever,” but that doesn’t seem to tally with the men I’ve met in real life. At all.

It's so strange isn't it? Everyone has a DH who doesn't watch porn, with their 6 figure salary, in their massive house, and high flying job, spending 2 hours a day cleaning, cooking from scratch, changing bedsheets 3 times a week, and is NC with their mum, with an adhd child.

piscofrisco · 06/12/2023 09:49

Yes he does occasionally. It doesn't bother me. I watch it sometimes though very rarely.m. And I also think that at least half the men who 'never' watch it aren't being truthful.

KimberleyClark · 06/12/2023 09:57

My DH may have done it once or twice but I’m pretty sure he isn’t a regular user. He prefers old war films.

CurlewKate · 06/12/2023 09:58

I don't know 100%. But I also don't know anything about him 100%.

Menomeno · 06/12/2023 10:00

SingleMum11 · 05/12/2023 23:58

I hope one day we will look back in horror over the ‘fine to watch porn’ in the same way we look back at the horror of abuse or slavery. Because a lot of porn is abuse or trafficking/slavery. There is not ‘okay’ porn.

This! When you read up on the realities of the porn industry - a huge proportion of these woman are trafficked so users are literally wanking off watching women being raped, and then try and justify it.

It sends out the wrong messages to lads who think that it’s normal for sex to equal violence. Extreme sex is becoming normalised and porn-induced ED and porn-addiction are a big problem even amongst young men. Men often use porn as a justification for affairs (My wife won’t do anal, let me hit her etc) because they genuinely believe that what they watch is ‘normal’ sex, and they’re not getting it at home.

It is an evil industry, but while there are ‘customers’ they’ll carry on producing it.

Diorama1 · 06/12/2023 10:08

@Menomeno 100% agree, it’s evil, I can’t understand how anyone can watch it. I don’t, my DH doesn’t. I hate that I’m in a situation where I’m having to have discussions with my 12 &14 year old DS and 15 year old DD about not watching porn and that hitting, strangling, biting etc is not a healthy way to have sex.

Daisies12 · 06/12/2023 10:08

yes, of course, because all men do, and so do most women. Better to be honest.

CountZacular · 06/12/2023 10:09

CurlewKate · 06/12/2023 09:58

I don't know 100%. But I also don't know anything about him 100%.

Yes, it’s such a lazy argument isn’t it. You could equally say ‘any man who says he doesn’t cheat/ won’t cheat is lying’ or ‘how do you know your husband isn’t cheating on you’? You don’t, but you put your trust in someone and that’s enough.

I have a lot of distrust of men as a class but I also know there are plenty of lovely, trustworthy individuals. Why is when it comes to porn suddenly NAMALT goes out the window and every single individual man is a porn user, a liar or both.

Redruby2020 · 06/12/2023 10:12

Snowdogsmitten · 06/12/2023 07:26

Mumsnet is always full of women saying “my partner despises it and would never watch it ever,” but that doesn’t seem to tally with the men I’ve met in real life. At all.

Because many women like to pretend or live in denial about things lol.
Because of course it is not nice to have worries or doubts about your partner.

Just like one I have known who thinks it is healthy to have the others passwords and logins etc, to keep checking nothing untoward is going on 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nonoatchristmas · 06/12/2023 10:14

My ex did use porn and probably still does. It’s quite pathetic to need to get your rocks off to women (and some men) being abused for your orgasm but there we go. I find anyone who uses a stranger for their sexual needs quite gross human beings, so I’ll happily stay single rather than get involved with someone who excuses their porn use.

TheBirdintheCave · 06/12/2023 10:16

VenusClapTrap · 06/12/2023 08:00

Mine doesn’t. He gets off on looking at videos of bicycles and mountain roads.

Same re intense hobbies. All my husband watches are Warhammer painting videos or painting competitions or paint brush/paint reviews 😅

TheBirdintheCave · 06/12/2023 10:20

Jk987 · 06/12/2023 07:45

Those who say their partner definitely doesn't, how do you know. You're not monitoring them 24/7 surely. Sounds like you're in denial.

I don't monitor my husband 24/7 but he's either at home/out with me and our son or at work and I highly doubt he's watching porn on the universities wifi! 😅

Why is it so hard for you to believe that some men have no interest in porn?