Why would a happily married man be pursuing another woman?

[IlluminaLaminate]

I am wondering about a married man I know. He is below 35, been with wife since university, married around five years ago. Seemingly unproblematic marriage, financially stable, planning holidays with wife and wife’s family in a few months.

Yet, despite all this is seeking another woman’s affections and wants this attention returned. Why would a seemingly happily married man with no obvious reason to be unhappy behave this way? What does he actually want to receive from this other woman that he surely cannot receive from his wife?

sex probably!

Because some (most, probably) men are shitty people. As are some women. That’s the world now, everyone’s out for themselves.

Some man you know wants sex from you and you've already put a layer of smokey romance over it.
What could he want?
Just sex that's all just a fuck.

Sex
Ego stroke
Attention

Seemingly unproblematic isn’t the same as actively happy.

Occam's razor for the win.

Seemingly unproblematic marriage, financially stable, planning holidays with wife and wife’s family in a few month

Seemingly is doing a lot of the heavy lifting in that sentence!

He probably gets sex with his wife.

The issue that is that he is beyond selfish and wants his ego stroked - along with having no empathy for anyone else.

If he's pursuing you, run a mile.

He's a dick

Are you in the marriage? If not you don’t know.

Because he can and his character does not value loyalty or integrity.

Most of us, given the opportunity, would be flattered if we got attention even if we were happily married, the key is whether we just settle for being flattered and walk away cherishing what you already have, or whether you selfishly indulge in betrayal. The latter kind of people are ten a penny and are weak and pathetic.

An ego boost 🙄

Even if he’s the one doing the pursuing?

Good ol’ fashioned having your cake and eating it too.

Some people can compartmentalise to an almost bewildering level, he may have completely separated his marriage from this other woman and convinced himself he’s doing nothing wrong or doesn’t feel guilt at least.

But also - we never really know what goes on in marriages despite how things may appear from the outside.

OP you do know that some men would happily shag as many women as possible if they could get away with it, don't you?

Side piece(s) at lunchtime / away with work, wife at night / the weekend.

If you are the potential OW, I recommend to avoid. This is probable heartbreak for you no matter what his reasons behind this.

Have a look at the beckham post .. some men ‘love’ their wives but think they should be able to have extras and it’s ‘just’ sex. Obs same doesn’t apply to the wife.

sometimes wife is ok with this.. go figure

Loads of men marry women they’re not in love with. The woman is usually the one moving the relationship into the next stage - living together, then marriage, then babies. The men go along to get along.

Frim the outside they seem happy. They’re stable and usually doing ok financially. Inside the marriage, the woman isn’t happy, calm or relaxed. She knows something’s wrong but can”t put her finger on what.

Then the man meets someone he’s genuinely keen on.

He’s not madly in love with you if that’s what you mean. He just thinks you might be up for a fuck

Sex
Sex with a different woman
Sex without emotional hassle
an ego boost
he’s bored at home
he isn’t actually happily married

Who knows. Whatever it is, you are just a convenience. Don’t let yourself be used by him. Shagging other people’s husbands is shitty and it won’t make you feel goid.

Ego boost.

I used to work with a male teacher who basically flirted and flattered as many women as he could. He never (as far as I know) actually had sex with any of them, but he got a number of them to the point of planning a night in a hotel.

He liked the knowledge that he could tempt them. The more women resisted the more he flattered and pursued. One school he worked in lost four lovely staff who all left over two years after being embarrassed by their falling for his patter.

Ego
variety
proving he’s still got it
wants and think he deserves a more varied sex life
thinks he can get away with it and has compartmentalised different aspects of his life
opportunity
friends are also doing it
friends are getting divorced
colleagues are at it.

I'm single and I had a married man pursue me about 18 months ago. He'd had affairs before. His kids go to the same school mine do, I know who his wife is and he's friends with my neighbours. I assume he quite liked the fact he was playing a risky game and possibly got off on it. Thrill of the chase, extra sex whilst still passing off as a "happy family" with all the benefits that come with that. Wanted to have his cake and eat it basically

His wife's probably already seen through his philandering ways, knows that he picks his nose, farts in bed and has heard all his crap jokes at least three times.

He wants sex with no obligations attached with someone who hasn't yet realised that he's a complete dickhead with no moral compass.

I never know why dishonorable cheating pricks like this bother getting married. You don't need to sign the contract, promise fidelity, to get sex anymore. So why do that?

His Marriage for the love and family support. The other woman for the “I have still got it” ego trips and dopamine highs. No different to a lot of women that do this - it’s not exclusively a male trait.