Why would a happily married man be pursuing another woman?

[IlluminaLaminate]

I am wondering about a married man I know. He is below 35, been with wife since university, married around five years ago. Seemingly unproblematic marriage, financially stable, planning holidays with wife and wife’s family in a few months.

Yet, despite all this is seeking another woman’s affections and wants this attention returned. Why would a seemingly happily married man with no obvious reason to be unhappy behave this way? What does he actually want to receive from this other woman that he surely cannot receive from his wife?

Well maybe it’s because despite loving his wife and family, when he laid eyes on this other woman he was struck by lightning and thinks she’s the most beautiful, fabulous person he’s ever met in his whole life. He feels so guilty because his wife is a lovely woman and attractive too but she just doesn’t compare to this other new woman. She’s just so intelligent, beautiful, and amazing he can’t help himself. His true soulmate.

Or…he’s just a selfish, sleazy git that wants an easy lay and has found someone he thinks is naive enough to provide ?!

Don't go there OP. Tell him to fuck off. Don't try and suss out his mind, he wants a shag. That's all.

From having worked in very male dominated huge corporates for years, its ego, thrill of the chase, extra sex (they still maintain their sex life at home), the thrill of the forbidden. It's not usually love for the guy, but the OW usually thinks it is. Did seem to be very entrenched, habitual behaviour among the high earners. I used to find it disturbing when a say , a 53 yr old with 4 adult kids goes after a 19 year old admin who is all starry eyed & gets pregnant deliberately to try & solidify whats just some excitement for him.

Ego boost to make him feel he can still attract other women, sex mostly and because he is a narcissistic shit with no respect for his wife and children. If you are the woman he is after just run, as he has a wife and you are just someone he will use and dump, save yourself the pain.
So many men/women have a fairly happy life but still will cheat as do not suffer from guilt or have emotions that makes them think they are doing something wrong and are after the buzz of it all and are selfish and can easily live double lives.

That’s what I thought. If he’s unhappily married/married a woman he wasn’t in love with, that’s his issue

Of course. It's the thrill of the chase and then getting what he's after that strokes his ego.

Whoever you are, the wife or the pursued other woman, run a mile.

Any married man chasing me would give me the instant Ick. Surely this is the biggest red flag ever that someone is a monumental, lying, slimy dickhead? I mean, he may as well have it tattooed on his forehead.

I agree it’s about sex and ego, that’s usually it 99.9% of the time.

Because the marriage clearly isn’t as happy as you think it is. Happily married men don’t stray. You just don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.

This all the way

"Every hole's a goal", as some romantic once said.

That's an interesting way of looking at it

Genuinely interesting, not being goady

Because you don’t stop fancying other people just because you are already in a relationship particularly if it’s a long relationship. And some married people are prepared to act on this and some people are prepared to have sex with those they know to be married because they have low self esteem and things this makes them better than the cheated on spouse or that they have “won” a competition even though they are the only competitor.

Don’t be that person @IlluminaLaminate. It’s very unlikely to bring you happiness.

Happily married men don’t stray

I'm not sure about that statement.
It implies that there's something wrong at home or wrong with the relationship, that's why they do it.
Admittedly I'm starting to see men more cynically as I get more middle aged, but I think some men just cheat. Most men want to cheat but don't because they're decent blokes, a minority of men cheat because they want to and don't think their wife will find out.
Obviously women cheat too, but it does tend to be high-earning over 40 yr old married man cheating with the new single young woman at work, rather than middle aged women banging their gym instructor.

Wants a shag and a bit of ego stimulation. That means someone to chase/ be distracted and feel he's still got it. This isn't about romance or affection or any of that. Don't get involved.

As someone famous caught cheating (can’t remember who now) once said, a man with steak at home sometimes just wants a Big Mac (i.e. cheap, disposable instant gratification.)

While that person is clearly a misogynistic twat, that’s the attitude some men have. They’ll say whatever they need to go get laid and justify lying to the OW on the basis she’s a slut willing to sleep with a married man. They genuinely see their outside relationships as separate to their marriage (see Jeffrey Archer as an example).

Esp if he's the one doing the pursuing! Its all about the chase. Once they've caught their prey they get bored pretty quickly.

Very obviously the marriage isn’t what you see on the outside and isn’t happy.

Less people are naturally monogamous than you'd think. I'm loyal to my dh and have integrity yet I still occasionally end up seeing someone else. I'm thankful I can be honest and open with him but would continue to see others even if I couldn't tell him. I'm still loyal to him and committed to our marriage.

Because he wants to. It isn't always anything deeper than that. Some people just have different morals.

Some great answers on here and it's why I don't go along with those on affair posts who always say 'oh, the marriage must be unhappy and there must be signs' - nope- that's really not the case- some people simply want the excitement and ego boost of 'a bit extra in life' when life gets a bit Groundhog Day.

I'm loyal to my dh and have integrity yet I still occasionally end up seeing someone else. I'm thankful I can be honest and open with him but would continue to see others even if I couldn't tell him. I'm still loyal to him

Wait - so you regularly “see” (aka shag) other people and you admit you would lie to your husband about it. So how exactly are you loyal? You claim twice that you’re loyal. How are you loyal?!

He's a cake eater.

Likes the best of both.

You cannot be this naive to question why a man does this.
Tell him to get lost.

Sex with someone new. Taking his wife for granted. The usual.

ooh ooh me i know this one.

Because he's a smarmy, dishonest, selfish cunt.