Aibu for wanting to speak to HR regarding a smelly colleague?

[Pianoplayer190]

Long story short, I have a colleague who has worked with us for years but has an awful smell.

Unfortunately her body odour is overwhelming and makes me feel very nauseous. I’m very sensitive to bad smells and I get a waft of the bad smell because she’s placed herself directly next to me.

Shes morbidly obese. We have quite a few larger colleagues that work with us but they never have an odour. I’m just really struggling to get through my day without walking up to HR and saying there’s an issue.

Ive not said a word to other people as effectively that’s just me being vile then. But I need to share the issue because I’m struggling to get through my day. I can’t move office space or desk.

The smell is like faecal matter, a period pad left in the sun and a wet mop. That’s all I can say and I’m really and truly suffering. I heaved at lunch today while eating.

AIBU if I complain.

YANBU but what's her weight got to do with it?

Hear hear!!! All the things that people who are paid to actually, you know, manage, don't have the balls to do.

They need to piss off and do what they're handsomely paid to do!!

FWIW I managed people over many decades. I managed hundreds of people of all shapes, sizes, health conditions and genders.

I had to speak to two people (one of them twice, which was mortifying for us both) regarding their hygiene.

Both situations were relating to failure to launder/change clothes appropriately.

The male staff member (older recently divorced) had no washing machine in his rented home and couldn't afford the launderette. We managed to have the union's welfare fund provide him with a machine. Problem solved.

The female staff member (late teens) had no time to launder her clothes (of which she had very few) as she had to tend to/supervise her many younger siblings when not working. Despite staying at home, she said she had no money to buy new clothes. This seemed to be borne out by her wearing only two outfits and alternating them week about. Her hygiene did improve a little (after the second chat) but she left a few weeks later to go to work in her uncle's business.

It's not always obvious why someone's hygiene is not spirkle-sparkle.

You can have a seat in the shower!!

It's a gamechanger! And I'm not obese.

No sorry I couldn’t be dealing with that. You need to speak to HR or her line manager so that someone can have a discreet conversation with her

My mum when teaching primary grades could smell asthma on some kids, & therefore anticipate their asthma attacks as the child’s smell became more pungent. She became adept at keeping the child calm to delay the onset of attack - long before inhalers were available.

That is amazing, @UniversalAunt.

Bit of a sweeping statement there.

I have a BMI of 31 so am considered obese, I definitely do not sweat more than most people, I run cold so I'm the complete opposite and while everyone was sweating their arses off today I was comfortably dry. I'm just not a sweaty person at all.

All the smelly people I have worked with have not been obese. The two really overweight colleagues I have known have never had any issues with odour. So therefore weight isn’t a factor in most cases. I’m also fat (bmi is 28) I don’t have ‘folds’ so your blanket statement about all fat people having folds and being too fat to bath just shows you are ignorant. Ever heard of showers, this fat person uses hers every morning?

I'm a size 14 and fairly small chested but saggy!

I smelt rotten once, I was showering but quickly to get to work, I wasn't paying attention to my underboob - quick dry, deodorant on, bra on. I ended up red raw under there. It sounds stupid that you couldn't notice until hurt and stunk, I smelt like some had died! Sudocrem, Sudocrem, proper lift up boobs, pat dry, talc...
I should be embarrassed to admit it, but I used to be so perky!

Hence the weight thing. Folds and sores and raw infected skin.

I think someone should ask if she's feeling okay - scrap that, it's for the manager, but I'd try to approach with are feeling okay? Sometimes you look in a little discomfort. I've been there on these hot days, I swear by Sudocrem everywhere! (Obviously a lie, but...).

Yeah so there's my jump in shower get dressed, kid to school, stinky underboob story. Yikes!

How did you know😳🫣

I don’t understand how people don’t wash their arse? It’s absolutely filthy

His shorts fell down in a spin class. When I was on the bike behind him. Cue visuals of said crack and overpowering smell of sweaty and dirty arsehole.

So you don’t wash your feet at all? :/

A colleague reported to my DH that a colleague he line managed smelled really bad. He had to speak to her. It turned out she was living on friends sofas and had limited way to wash her clothes. Unbelievably she showered then put smelly clothing back on. He suggested she use a launderette and found one for her to use. Things improved and eventually she found a room in a shared house.

Fat or not, if you smell then you smell. It isn’t fat shaming at all. Should the OP (and most likely others) suffer in silence just because the OP is fat?

I say this as someone who is obese myself. You have to make a conscious effort to wash your body throughly especially through the folds of fat. You also need to make sure your clothes are cleaned and washed. If this isn’t the case then you WILL smell. Weight absolutely does make a difference as many posters have said

Do you wash your legs at least? And yes you should definitely scrub everywhere including feet.

There was another thread up here recently someone asking why so many people smell. Some posters noted that they had been to poor & very hot countries where there was a distinct lack of bodily odour around due to people taking Showers very seriously and it being considered shameful to subject others to that smell. There’s a cultural problem here that people don’t even seemingly know how to wash everywhere when they’re in the shower.

Sometimes I take two showers, I’m pretty active but it depends on the weather and if I have been out and about or not.

i don’t drive and I don’t have kids, and I try and manage my meat consumption. If I want to take two fairly short showers a day I’m not going to feel bad about it for “harming the planet” and no it’s not bad for my skin as I moisturise.

Oh god 🫢

I think you need to go to HR, not her manager, as her manager is obviously aware but hasn't done anything about the issue. If you go to him/her, unless you're senior, you can be ignored. If HR go to him/her, they'll have to do something about it.

“No actually. Even if you have skin folds it's possible to keep hygienic for a day. “

I understand what you’re saying but not everyone is the same, so what is possible for one person may not be for another.

It’s a manager, their manager and then HR. You should not have to put up with it.

But leave the obesity out of it, just stick to the facts, she stinks - you do not know the reason why you are only presuming.

And yes OP go to HR but don’t mention weight because irrespective of the reason for the smell the issue is really how it’s affecting you and others.

I think her manager already is aware of the smell so that’s why I’d suggest either speaking to you your manager who will then pass to HR or go directly to HR.

It may be that she’s genuinely unaware of the smell. Good luck with sorting this out!

"Why is the weight relevant?" Because some people are unaware of where sweat and smells can get trapped. There are obviously more areas on a larger person that should be washed throughly, daily. It's not rocket science to understand that issue. There's more skin and more folds. Not just a swishing over with a shower puff loaded with shower gel that would easily tackle a slimmer body. It shouldn't be difficult to understand that a thorough clean might take a bit more effort. Nor that other sweaty areas on the body might need more attention than a simple sweep of roll on deodorant over the armpits. I’m 5ft and skinny but big of boob and get a fungal thing like paw prints under my boobs every year when it's hot. Neat tree tea oil does the job.

You seem to assume that someone with a larger body is unaware that they may need to clean in the folds and nooks and crannies. Obese people are not stupid. We know how to get clean. We know how to deal with our bodies. Don't talk about us as if we are stupid.

But that the whole point, some people (obese or otherwise) don’t know. As @JanglingJack outlined upthread and detailed from my husband’s experience in the army, sometimes people don’t realise where an odour might originate, or how to deal with it. In fact, they may well have gone nose blind and not even realise there’s an issue. It’s clear from other threads on MN that there are many people who don’t understand that bar soap is generally better than body wash, what talc is for, the importance of drying properly before getting dressed, the difference between deodorant and antiperspirant, etc- even on this thread we’ve had a discussion on feet washing showing different people’s attitudes to that. So it’s simply not accurate to make blanket statements and say that the OP’s colleague’s weight cannot be a factor in any way, as all obese people know how to keep themselves clean and do so religiously. To some, big or small, personal hygiene just isn’t a priority or something they’ve spent a lot of time or energy considering or been educated about.

Much of the emphasis on this thread has not been about how anyone might not know they have a hygiene issue though, it has been a tirade of assumptions about obese people's hygiene, @TheCraicDealer . That is my objection. Of course an obese person can have a hygiene problem just like a non-obese person might. But so many posts have been making sneering assumptions about obese people, their bodies and assumed hygiene issues. It's not acceptable.

That's because it might be because of that. As many posters have acknowledged, it could be because the person's size means they're unable to wash properly. It's a fair point.