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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu for wanting to speak to HR regarding a smelly colleague?

296 replies

Pianoplayer190 · 06/09/2023 21:57

Long story short, I have a colleague who has worked with us for years but has an awful smell.

Unfortunately her body odour is overwhelming and makes me feel very nauseous. I’m very sensitive to bad smells and I get a waft of the bad smell because she’s placed herself directly next to me.

Shes morbidly obese. We have quite a few larger colleagues that work with us but they never have an odour. I’m just really struggling to get through my day without walking up to HR and saying there’s an issue.

Ive not said a word to other people as effectively that’s just me being vile then. But I need to share the issue because I’m struggling to get through my day. I can’t move office space or desk.

The smell is like faecal matter, a period pad left in the sun and a wet mop. That’s all I can say and I’m really and truly suffering. I heaved at lunch today while eating.

AIBU if I complain.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 07/09/2023 17:34

Overthinkingperhaps · 06/09/2023 23:40

I have to talk to someone at work about this on Monday.

Colleagues have tried to he subtle but it is going over his head so they've come to me.
Dreading it tbh.

Could you talk to him about it just before he leaves work for the day? Actually I think the ideal time would be Friday afternoon when everyone else has gone home. I can't imagine how mortifying it would be to have to go back to your desk after being told something like that. If he was told just before the weekend, then he would have time to sort clothes out and buy washing powder, etc

HarrietJet · 07/09/2023 18:17

DuplicateUserName · 07/09/2023 17:13

The thing is, even if someone starts the day with a shower and smelling fresh, often by the time they've travelled to work (say on a packed bus/tube/train) they can be smelly again, especially in the Summer.

Most people in this situation would probably freshen up in the work toilets/bathroom, but how would someone manage if they had rolls of back fat?

Genuine question, just curious as to how one would remove BO from that area?

If you'd had a shower in the morning it's unlikely your back fat would smell to the extent op is talking about just because you'd been on a warm tube.

DuplicateUserName · 07/09/2023 18:27

HarrietJet · 07/09/2023 18:17

If you'd had a shower in the morning it's unlikely your back fat would smell to the extent op is talking about just because you'd been on a warm tube.

Show quote history

You misunderstand me I think.

I'm not talking about being on a warm tube train, I'm talking about being on a hot tube train in the Summer, packed in like sardines. The heat is extremely oppressive.

MorningSunflower · 07/09/2023 18:31

I feel for you both. Body odor can be quite delicate, so it's important to approach it with kindness and understanding, but something needs to be done. Maybe there's more going on here than meets the eye - perhaps there's another medical issue or even some depression at play. I mean, let's be honest, being morbidly obese can't be all sunshine and rainbows. At the end of the day, this is a matter that needs to be addressed by HR or a manager. It's not fair that your coworker's odor is impacting your ability to enjoy your meals. Let's hope they can find a solution that works for everyone involved.

user1471538283 · 07/09/2023 18:32

I had this with a colleague in a different team years ago and I told my line manager that until it was resolved or I was able to move desks I would not be going into the office. He spoke to her manager and it was resolved in days.

Maybe your colleague isn't very well but also you are entitled to a habitable workplace.

MorningSunflower · 07/09/2023 18:34

I'm a petite thing with a ginormous set of hooters and find myself lifting them to clean beneath with baby wipes all the time despite taking two showers a day.

DoraSpenlow · 07/09/2023 18:38

HarrietJet · 07/09/2023 18:17

If you'd had a shower in the morning it's unlikely your back fat would smell to the extent op is talking about just because you'd been on a warm tube.

Show quote history

I used to work with a lovely chap but my God he had a terrible BO problem. To be fair he was seeking medical help for it. He could come in, in the morning and the smell of shower gel and deodorant nearly knocked you over. We were based in portakabins in the summer with no aircon and by lunchtime he smelled absolutely rank. He always went home for a shower at lunchtime but by the end of the day it was just the same. So, it is possible for someone to smell bad in a very short space of time. He was fat but not obese.

Felt really sorry for him actually. He was doing all be could and was so embarrassed about it.

SpringIntoChaos · 07/09/2023 19:04

@NoCharnce oh bless you! I remember years ago having a conversation with my teenagers about feet washing. They were both astonished to learn that yes, they were indeed supposed to wash their feet in the shower with actual soap 🤣🤦‍♀️ They are full grown adults now and occasionally remember that conversation in one of those, "mum do you remember when we thought we didn't have to actually wash our feet?" 🤣

AvocadotoastORahouse · 07/09/2023 23:43

Wilkolampshade · 07/09/2023 06:36

@IncompleteSenten blimey, that's an incredible loss, and must have taken enormous emotional strength and determination. Bloody well done.

I agree, a bloody well done from me too!

AvocadotoastORahouse · 07/09/2023 23:46

Ollifer · 07/09/2023 06:34

It's easy to see why some people smell when there's people on this very thread not washing their feet...ever 🤢 of course you need to wash your bloody feet and in-between your toes!

I know, the idea that people just stand in the shower and don't give their feet a proper wash is still giving me the boak EnvyEnvyEnvy one of the sweatiest, smelliest, most prone to fungal, and hard dead skin bits of our bodies and they don't wash them. Just don't get it.

IncognitoMam · 07/09/2023 23:49

IncompleteSenten · 07/09/2023 06:31

Weight may well be a factor. It's not horrible to say so.
When you are morbidly obese you've got folds everywhere. They sweat. You get skin and debris. You can get things like intertrigo if you aren't thorough in your cleaning and drying. Moist, dark places are a breeding ground! You sweat more. It's harder to reach your genitals and arsehole to properly clean them. You have to do more than slim people to ensure you are clean.

None of this is someone being horrible. They are simple facts. Why should we be afraid to acknowledge facts?

I'm extraordinarily fat. In Feb this year I was 33st 6lb. Today I am 22st 12. I'm really working hard to lose the weight but it means I do have personal experience of what it takes to keep clean when you're absolutely massive and I promise you you have to be scrupulous in your hygiene.

That's fantastic. Wishing you well on your journey.

dramadealings · 07/09/2023 23:57

I don't think her weight is relevant. If people don't wash, they'll smell. That's true whether they're fat or thin.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 08/09/2023 01:49

Stating that weight is irrelevant is ignorant and sneeringly PC. Obviously I haven’t looked after THIS particular person, nor have I seen her. I can’t claim that I know for certain that her weight is definitely causing her to smell bad, but I CAN categorically state that it is definitely possible. As a nurse, I have had patients who are unable to wash their skin folds properly. Because of the sweaty nature of skinfolds, they are also virtually impossible to keep dry and clear. This compromises the skin integrity and it often becomes boggy and smelly. Extreme cases become so infected, the skin is literally decaying in the skin folds. The smell is real and it IS caused by obesity. Throw in other contributing factors like type 2 diabetes, (also very closely linked to obesity) which increases the risk of skin infections and makes them harder to heal, and the person’s weight looks absolutely likely to be co-related.
What I can’t do is state that this is absolutely why OP’s colleague smells. I can state that it is possible.

IncompleteSenten · 08/09/2023 06:45

Thank you folks 😁 it feels like trying to bail out the Atlantic with a bucket but I've set myself a target of 3 years to lose it all. Sorry for the merail but it felt rude to not reply to posters wishing me well.

PhantomUnicorn · 08/09/2023 07:19

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 08/09/2023 01:49

Stating that weight is irrelevant is ignorant and sneeringly PC. Obviously I haven’t looked after THIS particular person, nor have I seen her. I can’t claim that I know for certain that her weight is definitely causing her to smell bad, but I CAN categorically state that it is definitely possible. As a nurse, I have had patients who are unable to wash their skin folds properly. Because of the sweaty nature of skinfolds, they are also virtually impossible to keep dry and clear. This compromises the skin integrity and it often becomes boggy and smelly. Extreme cases become so infected, the skin is literally decaying in the skin folds. The smell is real and it IS caused by obesity. Throw in other contributing factors like type 2 diabetes, (also very closely linked to obesity) which increases the risk of skin infections and makes them harder to heal, and the person’s weight looks absolutely likely to be co-related.
What I can’t do is state that this is absolutely why OP’s colleague smells. I can state that it is possible.

Its neither ignorant nor 'sneeringly pc' to state this persons weight is irrelevant.

It IS irrelevant, it doesn't matter to the story or to us as the reader what her weight/appearance is. What is important to the thread is that she smells bad, and the OP needs to address it.

rookiemere · 08/09/2023 07:28

The persons weight is relevant for a couple of reasons.

Firstly as people have said, it factually harder to keep clean if significantly overweight. In some ways this is a good thing for OP as it means issue is something that may be resolvable whereas some people just have dreadful body odour for no particular reason.

Secondly OP has to be careful she isn't accused of bullying other colleague because of appearance so needs to play this carefully.

JoanOfAllTrades · 08/09/2023 09:20

MorningSunflower · 07/09/2023 18:34

I'm a petite thing with a ginormous set of hooters and find myself lifting them to clean beneath with baby wipes all the time despite taking two showers a day.

After your evening shower, make sure you put antiperspirant under them, and hold them up to help it dry down. This will help prevent any sweating, which in turn will prevent sweat rashes as well 🙂

Haugh · 08/09/2023 09:38

Wish I’d known this years ago. Thank you.

Justwrong68 · 08/09/2023 09:41

I had this problem with a colleague years ago, the smell would hit you when you walked in. My boss had a word with him and he's now a changed man.

ellie09 · 08/09/2023 09:46

YANBU

I had similar issues when I was pregnant and unwell with thyroid issues (although luckily I was self aware).

I didn't think it was that bad until a team member pulled me aside and had a quiet word.

I went to the doctor, who suggested the max strength roll ons (which are more expensive but work a treat). If they didn't work they did say botox in the armpits was an option.

Due to it being medical, I had tried and still happened. But as I was now informed, I kept a change of top in my bag so I could change half way through the day and wipe under my arms and reapply.

Once they diagnosed me with thyroid issues (took them a year!) and I was medicated, the issues went away!

I would definitely approach them yourself, but in a kind, concerned way. It may be just a hygiene issue, or there may be an underlying medical or mental health issue.

If you dont feel comfortable approaching them, HR is definitely a good shout. However from my own experience, I valued the fact that the employee kept it between us.

EBearhug · 08/09/2023 09:46

The persons weight is relevant for a couple of reasons.

It's not though. The issue is that she smells. That is what the complaint has to be about. It may be that the reason she smells is because of her weight or because of a medical issue or because she can't afford to replace a broken washing machine or because she just doesn't care, or a combination of factors. But that is not relevant to the complaint - it may be relevant to the solution, but that will be between the woman and the manager. If she was overweight and not smelly, there would be no complaint. It is the smell that is difficult to work with, not her weight. Whether or not it is a cause or contributory factor to the smell is unknown and not part of the complaint.

Jumpingthruhoops · 08/09/2023 13:11

As plenty of obese people have said on this thread, it can be a factor and therefore completely relevant for the simple fact that, if it IS her size that's contributing to the issue, she may not be able to do something about it as readily as a slim person might, where excess fat is not also part of the equation (so mental health, financial struggles yes. But weight, no).

So the fact the lady is obese is absolutely relevant in this instance.

Haugh · 08/09/2023 16:27

I read here about strong deodorants. I use Mitchum. Is that the strongest?
Any recommendation please.
Since reading this thread, I’ve been sniffing my clothes. Oh dear!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/09/2023 18:44

I use the unscented Mitchum, @Haugh - I find it is very effective, and I can wear a perfume I like with it.

Haugh · 08/09/2023 19:25

Thank you x
This is what I use as a roll on. Just wondered if there was a stronger but safe one. I have the spray but it runs out quickly so I use the roll on.