Aibu for wanting to speak to HR regarding a smelly colleague?

[Pianoplayer190]

Long story short, I have a colleague who has worked with us for years but has an awful smell.

Unfortunately her body odour is overwhelming and makes me feel very nauseous. I’m very sensitive to bad smells and I get a waft of the bad smell because she’s placed herself directly next to me.

Shes morbidly obese. We have quite a few larger colleagues that work with us but they never have an odour. I’m just really struggling to get through my day without walking up to HR and saying there’s an issue.

Ive not said a word to other people as effectively that’s just me being vile then. But I need to share the issue because I’m struggling to get through my day. I can’t move office space or desk.

The smell is like faecal matter, a period pad left in the sun and a wet mop. That’s all I can say and I’m really and truly suffering. I heaved at lunch today while eating.

AIBU if I complain.

And yes you should definitely scrub everywhere including feet.

This. Surely when showering/bathing, it's important to wash everywhere, but particularly any joints and folds, which includes between toes, because those areas won't get as much fresh air and that. Sweat turns to BO through bacterial action, and bacteria are invisible, so looking clean isn't enough.

Hope the manager sorts it.

That's because it might be because of that. As many posters have acknowledged, it could be because the person's size means they're unable to wash properly. It's a fair point.

All these do-gooders on this thread getting their knickers in a twist about the OP mentioning this woman's weight, as if it had no relevance at all to her B.O.

It's not exactly difficult to figure out the link. Obese people tend to sweat more, especially in hot weather. They can also struggle to properly clean their nether regions after using the toilet, because they can't "reach" properly. A bad combo.

Of course, I'm sure there are conscientious obese people out there who maintain good personal hygiene and are aware they have to work harder to do this. And I'm sure there are loads of skinny people who are absolute dirt birds.

But let's not pretend that obesity doesn't play a major factor in bad BO, especially in hot weather!

And as a person of size myself, I am saying that it is unlikely to be the main cause, if the person is physically able to hold down a job, they are physically able to take care of their hygiene. It may be that they are depressed - but obese, so it is assumed that it is the obesity that is the cause of the hygiene issue. Or it may be that there are medical issues at play - but again the obesity is seen first. Or it may be that other factors such as social or housing issues are at play - but the obesity is seen first, and assumptions made.
There is no getting away from the fact that this thread is full of hostile assumptions about obese people, bodies and hygiene - full of non obese people telling obese people how unable they are to clean themselves, when there are obese people on the thread pointing out that actually, we can wash and attend to our hygiene thanks.

Wrong, basically. And offensive

It could be any/all/none of those things.

If you read through all the comments, there are probably just as many posts from obese people - or relatives of obese people - saying that washing properly can be an issue. So nothing wrong with the OP pointing that out.

Weight is irrelevant, she just has poor personal hygiene. Folds can be lifted, shower heads move, products can change, frequency of showers and laundering can increase. I’ve known a few very large people who did not smell. I agree this is just fat shaming.

Showering twice a day is standard in many homes. Definitely speak to her manager and failing that HR. Doing this is helping her but try and be sensitive about it, poor hygiene can be a sign of depression. I knew a girl who stopped showering after being sexually assaulted.

This is not unreasonable at all. It's a simple fact that someone who is morbidly obese is more likely to smell than someone who is not. This is due to increased energy expenditure owing to moving more weight, increased volume of sweat due to surface area of skin, areas of skin which are more likely to be blocked by folds, increased time taken to wash due to larger surface area, fixed length of limbs attempting to reach areas which are a greater distance away, etc.

It is not true that all obese people smell, but it is definitely true that smelly people are more likely to be obese.

@MCOut Weight is relevant. Morbidly obese people sweat more in heat. Sitting next to someone who has bad personal hygiene anyway is not nice.

Do NOT do this

Awful advice

Like the worst kind of Secret Nasty Santa

Go to your manager and/or HR as applicable.

@NoCharnce you do have to wash your feet! Particularly in between toes.

I'm not a MN clean freak at all but the idea of not actually washing them thoroughly and just standing in dirty run off from the rest of my body makes me feel yuk!!

It is a fact that SOME morbidly obese people get skin infections in their folds. They are difficult to avoid and very difficult to treat. (Especially if they are so large that their mobility is severely impaired.) It is also a fact that SOME (a lot of) morbidly obese people develop Type 2 Diabetes. One of symptoms of diabetes is wounds that don’t heal (and often become infected) especially on the feet and legs, but also damp areas like skin folds.
The OP has described what sounds like rotting, infected wounds. Yes, this lady probably has some kind of health condition, but it is affecting OP’s work. I think it is absolutely worth having a discussion with HR about this in case this lady isn’t aware, and enable her to get the help she needs.

Fucking hell!

Why she smells has absolutely fuck all to do with you, thats her business and not for you to pontificate on, decide it is because she's morbidly obese or doesn't wash or anything else.

THAT she smells is something you should take to the appropriate person - probably her manager.

Thats it, end of, the rest is none of your fucking business.

Anyone can smell.

Some people smell because they do not wash properly, for a wide variety of reasons that may include being unable to, lacking the facilities to do so, lacking the physical ability to do so, or even because they just can't be bothered.

Some people smell because despite washing properly they have skin conditions that you can't see, that can produce a fucking foul odour in a matter of hours, and cannot be masked.

I had the misfortune to suffer a skin infection in my armpits - NOTHING touched it, could wash and it'd still smell, five minutes later, suppurating mess, smelt like dead things. Couldn't put anything on it, that made it worse. Dried it out using a hairdryer on the cool setting - still wet and gipping in minutes. Absolutely fucking awful and it took nearly 4 months to clear up. Piss all to do with washing, I washed it at one point every bloody hour, I went through clean bras and t-shirts like you wouldn't believe.

It took a combination of antibiotic creams and tablets (specific, had a horrible skin scrape) and anti-fungals to clear up in the end.

So, report to your manager then mind your own business!

As embarrassing as it is, you'd be surprised by how quickly things change once these issues are pointed out. My manager once raised a concern about a colleague from another team who actually sat behind him, but the smell would just waft down the office and it was terrible if you were getting in the lift at the same time etc. The colleague was visibly unclean - unclean hair, dirty fingernails, a stale odour of sweat and booze, dandruff etc. He was embarrassed and made excuses but the next time he came in - clean nails, clean hair, everything. Some people do have medical issues but others just let themselves go a bit / don't try hard enough and a reminder is all that's needed.

You either need to go to HR or your manager. You need to be factual-- describe the smell and the impact on your work. Don't apologise or describe yourself as sensitive. Do not discuss this persons weight or anything other than the issue.

In the meantime can you move desks. ?

This hit hard, thank you for doing the right thing.

I was bullied as a teenager for having body odour issues and it was for the same reasons. We didn't have central heating and didn't have a usable washing machine until I was 16, we had some kind of ancient 'roller' thing that you had to operate by hand. I was bathing, shaving and strip-washing obsessively but then putting half-washed clothes on. I used to wear men's deodorant because I thought it would help but of course it was too strong and it just mingled with the general musty smell. It was awful frankly and since I was 16 (when we finally got a loan for white goods) I've been obsessed with cleanliness, showering and and shaving all the time. Poverty and lack of resources is a huge reason for these issues, especially in children.

The issue isn’t that she’s obese. The issue is that she’s obese and she doesn’t wash properly. This is the bit that people are missing. People are focusing on the obesity part like it’s irrelevant but it isn’t. If an obese person doesn’t wash properly they’ll smell worse than a slim person who doesn’t wash properly.

Definitely speak to your manager and/or HR but being obese doesn’t mean you smell - leave her size out of the conversation at work -it’s the smell that bothers you

If you are a morbidly obese person pretty much all physical activity is harder 😞. But (and I am fat) you work harder at it

Op - good luck.

I have a colleague with really bad hygiene/BO and me and another colleague suggested a deodorant brand to her, we actually suggested Wild because they have nice packaging and amazing fragrances making it quite a fun thing to suggest rather than a plain boring one, we gave her a free discount code as well and it worked! We didnt suggest specifically that she has an odour, but just that we've used it and had good results. Sometimes it's best to try and resolve something locally rather than going to HR less hassle for everyone but if you really don't think you could approach her about it then it would be the other option.

Because the heavier you are the more calories you burn doing the same thing. Eg a sixteen stone man will use more calories walking across the office than an eight stone woman.
Burning calories creates heat, which in turn makes you sweat more, so more smelly.

we had this problem in a previous workplace. Very very bad BO smell from a guy slightly younger than us and in the same role. It was so bad my other colleague and I would sit in the depths of winter with the windows wide open and coats and gloves on at our desks. Our manager refused to speak to him as she was too embarrassed, so my friend/colleague called him one night and had the conversation. He raised that he’d been struggling mentally, and they had a good chat. The problem was resolved and he also found someone who could provide some support at work. I was obviously also incredibly grateful to her!

This. And it's really offensive that you point out other overweight people don't smell, as if you might expect them to.

But yes, you can gently let her manager know that it's a problem and they should deal with it.

Weight may well be a factor. It's not horrible to say so.
When you are morbidly obese you've got folds everywhere. They sweat. You get skin and debris. You can get things like intertrigo if you aren't thorough in your cleaning and drying. Moist, dark places are a breeding ground! You sweat more. It's harder to reach your genitals and arsehole to properly clean them. You have to do more than slim people to ensure you are clean.

None of this is someone being horrible. They are simple facts. Why should we be afraid to acknowledge facts?

I'm extraordinarily fat. In Feb this year I was 33st 6lb. Today I am 22st 12. I'm really working hard to lose the weight but it means I do have personal experience of what it takes to keep clean when you're absolutely massive and I promise you you have to be scrupulous in your hygiene.

It's easy to see why some people smell when there's people on this very thread not washing their feet...ever 🤢 of course you need to wash your bloody feet and in-between your toes!