Aibu for wanting to speak to HR regarding a smelly colleague?

[Pianoplayer190]

Long story short, I have a colleague who has worked with us for years but has an awful smell.

Unfortunately her body odour is overwhelming and makes me feel very nauseous. I’m very sensitive to bad smells and I get a waft of the bad smell because she’s placed herself directly next to me.

Shes morbidly obese. We have quite a few larger colleagues that work with us but they never have an odour. I’m just really struggling to get through my day without walking up to HR and saying there’s an issue.

Ive not said a word to other people as effectively that’s just me being vile then. But I need to share the issue because I’m struggling to get through my day. I can’t move office space or desk.

The smell is like faecal matter, a period pad left in the sun and a wet mop. That’s all I can say and I’m really and truly suffering. I heaved at lunch today while eating.

AIBU if I complain.

Take it to HR but do not say you're sensitive; this diminishes the perfectly reasonable requirement not to have to work with such smells. If you go to her yourself, you risk being cast as a bully. Do not describe the smell.

I've been the person tasked with going to a colleague who smells and it's no easy job.

I feel very sorry for you, I couldn’t bear it itself, especially early in the morning.

but I have to say that the specific way you describe the smells made me laugh, it’s obvious you’ve been obsessing about this for a long time.

OP, there is nothing wrong with approaching your manager about this. Other staff may already have and your managers hoping it has resolved itself. Further complaints will force them into action. I wouldn't approach the person directly, that could potentially land you in a bullying complaint. Plus it's this shite that your managers paid the extra cash for.

You can be diplomatic, just say to your manager "I'm a bit concerned about XyZ, I've noticed very strong body odour and it's affecting me quite badly. Please could you address this?"

If your managers got a bit of something about them, they will approach the staff member considerately and professionally.

Gross!!

I'm a manager. The most appropriate thing is to raise it with your OWN manager, as the impact on your work is what's important. Then the managers can decide what to do about eg move your working desk, have a chat with her, give her her private office etc etc.

Your only concern is your own work and anything impacting it.

I’d imagine her weight is relevant to the issue. She may not be able to wash herself properly if she is v overweight. She may have sores where the skin rubs, which can result in an infection. She may not be aware, or she may be. I’d talk to HR and say it’s affecting your personal well-being in the workplace.
I have had to deal with talking to staff about hygiene, hints don’t work, it needs to kind but no nonsense. I had to tell someone who frankly smelt like Billingsgate and onions that there was an issue. She swore that I was mistaken 🤦‍♀️ Quite often a sour smell is clothes not dried effectively.

A chap I used to work with had a similar issue, and it just wasn’t fair on those who had to share an office with him. It wasn’t discussed in the office at all, but there’s no way others didn’t notice.

I knew who his line manager was, so on a day when his LM was working away from our office (it wasn’t really something I fancied face to face. And in hindsight it was kinda better that it didn’t out the LM on the spot too much) I rang him on his mobile and told him pretty similar to what you have. That colleague had a serious body odour issue and it was affecting me. The colleague in question didn’t seem upset (certainly not outwardly and he never seemed to suggest to me that he knew I’d said anything) and did make a couple of changes and the problem was pretty much fixed.

You're having two showers a day, every day? You do realise using extra strong scented products is going to impact on your sense of smell?

You're expecting others to raise a problem, but they haven't. Youre literally hoping HR are clairvoyant. Only you have this problem with your colleague You're going to have to raise it or cope.

You mention weight then say that's not relevant, so why mention it?

I don't think you've thought through the issue a great deal. Is this a very recent occurrence?

From another perspective, if I stank I would much rather be told and made aware so that I could address it.

The poor woman's probably nose blind to it and would be horrified to think she whiffed to that extent.

Yeh I have been obsessing so much so I’ve basically managed to pinpoint the exact odour. It’s so bad that when she came out the lift even another colleague said “someone who’s been in here has excessive body odour. Kinda like a sweaty shoe”

The issue is it’s clothed and her own body odour. It’s a mix of it

I think you do need to describe the smell to HR to some extent. ‘Body odour’ to me sounds like they need a better deodorant, whereas what you’re describing sounds like unwashed genitals and might need a more delicate approach.

YES that’s the smell. It’s literally like unwashed private parts. Sometimes in the morning it’s not too bad but by afternoon it’s awful.

I agree with approach suggested by @AnIndianWoman as this is diplomatic and less embarrassing.

We had a chap at work with a body odour problem. He was spoken to by his manager and it was never a problem again. I think it was his clothes rather than him.

Definitely talk to your manager about your concerns and how this is affecting you. Do not approach the person yourself as someone suggested- you could do that with good intentions but unlikely to be received well. It needs to be handled sensitively and by a manager.

In the meantime, dab a little Vicks under your nose. It should mask the worst of it until hopefully the issue is resolved.

My partner has this smell. He's morbidly obese and can't seem to wash himself properly, doesn't dry himself out properly before dressing, and often wears clothes which need washing. It's sweaty fat person smell. It's the smell which accumulates perianally. Sweaty junk, sweaty butt crack, and not being able to wipe properly, or having other issues in that area making it hard to properly clean (piles etc).

It is avoidable with care and attention. But someone has to be able to accept that the problem exists first, and secondly needs to be able to work out ways to combat or prevent it.

My partner is a long work in progress.

Tiger balm on the nostrils

It doesn’t sound pleasant, I’ll give you that.

However, you are absolutely unreasonable for mentioning her weight, implying the issue might be because of that. You continue to ignore the commenters who have also pointed this out. If you’re showering twice each day and using strong deodorants (which sounds vastly excessive) are you sure you’re not trying to hide anything yourself?

I had a similar problem years ago at an old workplace. A guy who smelled bad, he had an alcohol problem so probably related to that, as he was otherwise clean-looking. It smelt like he was rotting from the inside. Unless he’d had a skinfull, in which case he stank of stale alcohol instead. It did get raised with him but never seemed to improve.

he also had a needy, rude gf that would constantly ring his work landline, and if he was away from his desk and someone else answered, she’d just hang up on you! Ignorant cowbag.

I work with a ponger. Unfortunately he's the director and its a small company with no HR! I soak a hankie in perfume a give it a sniff every so often.

Er. As a morbidly obese person I can confirm it’s much harder to wash efficiently. There are folds of skin, it’s further to reach and bending down in the shower to scrub feet is particularly difficult. You have to work at it.

This is a really hard one. Is there anyone you can verify nicely with that has also noticed the smell? If so that will help you be more accurate on how it affects others and frequency - this is data you need if you escalte.

Another issue is that some people detect odours on people that others don’t . Some of those are related to specific medical conditions that include diabetes (though most people can small that), kidney or liver diseases, and even schizophrenia - this I know personally as my exh had schizophrenia and before he was diagnosed acquired a very unpleasant odour that never went despite washing and showering well, trips to dentist, washing all his clothes in one massive hit. It wasn’t until he was being treated and crisis died down that the odour disappeared. Came back a few days before each crisis for over 29 years- but apparently only some people can detect this odour. Fascinating story out there of women who identified smell of Parkinson’s that Urey eventually developed a test for. So get verification from others to indicate if it’s something you’re especially sensitive too- which could well indicate one of these stranger chemical emission through skin pores that no washing or hygiene will help.

and many women , especially perimenopause, can be experiencing huge blood loss with menorrhagia, which a single form of protection won’t manage and needs a lot of layers of protection. It could be related to someone who is really really struggling with menorrhagia, or urinary incontinence etc.
So, for the women’s sake and dignity, try to find a female manager or HR rep- please don’t raise it with her male manager in case this is the case. It will be deeply humiliating for her and unlikely to get to what is actually causing it.

if it was BO, that can be associated with men or women, and is to do with with hygiene then , yep, I’d be more inclined to go to a male manager. But what you describe is more than that - please don’t humiliate her.

The obvious thing though, is to ask her for a quiet word in a closed room by yourselves. Tell her that you feel very embarrassed and nervous about having a discussion, as it involves a very sensitive personal matter. Explain you have, since she moved next to you, been noticing a persistent/intermittent (whichever) odour about her, and you want to make her aware of it. Apologise and say, obviously that’s a bit upsetting to hear , but reassure her you’ll not discuss it with anyone else. She’s unlikely to react well if she’s complexity unaware, so stay calm, don’t engage in argument if she starts back. Simply say “I’m making you aware of an issue and as I said I apologise for upsetting you. I don’t want to argue with you “ and leave the room. If she’s distressed and confused, reassure her, try to help her if asked to explain type of smell in less repulsive words than you’ve used here. Suggest if she asks for help that she starts with her GP.

I did this and my nostrils hurt at the end of the day and made my skin burn😂

When you speak to HR make sure to raise with them that you're unable to take a proper break at lunch time and lack suitable breakout/rest areas, you shouldn't have to lunch at your desk.

Why are you with him? That’s disgusting.