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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is once a week too often to talk to a parent?

129 replies

Kowaii · 03/08/2023 19:43

I usually try and FaceTime my dad once a week as my kids love speaking to him (he lives quite far away) and I like speaking to my siblings (who are all children).

Apparently this is causing issues with his wife who has told me it’s not approx to disturb their family life so often and it’s weird that as an adult I want to speak to my father so often. I actually went years without speaking to him at one point, but I am happy with where things are now and my children really love him and miss him.

Aibu? Should I cut it down or is the wife the one being unreasonable? I know she doesn’t not like me at all but I feel she should just kind of get over that like I’ve had to.

OP posts:
Eileen101 · 03/08/2023 19:45

Once a WEEK? The wife is unreasonable. Maybe ask your dad what a convenient time would be?

HoneyIShrunkThePizza · 03/08/2023 19:46

She is being unreasonable, your father should not have passed on the message either. I'd carry on as you are. If it's an inconvenient time as an adult man he can arrange another slot which works for both of you. I can't imagine being spiteful enough to begrudge someone s call a week with their daughter and grandkids.

Butchyrestingface · 03/08/2023 19:46

She sounds like a horror. Was she the reason you and your father were NC for years?

CherryMaDeara · 03/08/2023 19:47

I speak to my mum every day and see her once a week as a bare minimum. Once a week is not too much. What does your dad say? Who told you this, him? He may be using her as a mouthpiece.

DarkModeDear · 03/08/2023 19:47

Does your Dad enjoy this FaceTimes? Surely it’s up to him?
I WhatsApp video call DM twice a week, it started in lockdown and just carried on. Just me and her though, teens usually at school/college. Prior to that it would be once a week.

Original poster
Kowaii · 03/08/2023 19:47

Butchyrestingface · 03/08/2023 19:46

She sounds like a horror. Was she the reason you and your father were NC for years?

Mostly yes.

OP posts:
MavisChunch29 · 03/08/2023 19:48

She can fuck off to the far side of fuck.

RandomUsernameHere · 03/08/2023 19:48

She is totally unreasonable. Sounds like she is very controlling and jealous.

Original poster
Kowaii · 03/08/2023 19:48

It was her who told me. She called me and had a go.
He loves talking to the kids, he misses them a lot.

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 03/08/2023 19:49

I speak to my Mum (and often my Dad in the background) pretty much every day!

RainRainPissOff · 03/08/2023 19:49

She is definitely unreasonable. Your contact should be dictated by both you and your dad, not her.

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 03/08/2023 19:50

What’s it got to do with her!? You are an adult and he is an adult. You don’t need anyone’s permission to speak to each other ffs.

Lindy2 · 03/08/2023 19:50

Once a week isn't over the top at all.

Surely it's upto your dad how often you and he speak to each other.

I'm afraid his wife doesn't sound very nice. If both you and him are happy with what you're doing then it's really none of her business at all.

I speak to my mum every other day. It's a bit more often than I have time for really but she likes it so I do it.

LadinLee · 03/08/2023 19:50

Twice a week is the norm for me.
Ask your dad what he wants, it's nothing to do with her

TrudyProud · 03/08/2023 19:50

I think it's normal.

My husband and MIL speak weekly and they live round the corner so we see them at least once a fortnight.

We speak to my mum most days as she too wants to speak to her granddaughter.

As long as the parties involved in the call are happy who cares what anyone else (in this case your "dear" SM) thinks

Tesoroxx · 03/08/2023 19:50

I speak to my mum every day so in my opinion once a week is not enough

Dartmoorcheffy · 03/08/2023 19:51

She sounds vile, and is jealous.

BabyofMine · 03/08/2023 19:51

I FaceTime my mum once a day and my husbands parents video call him once a day, we each talk for about 15 mins. I guess some people would consider every day excessive, but it works for us. I don’t understand how anyone can consider once a week excessive! That’s perfectly normal!!

10HailMarys · 03/08/2023 19:52

If you and your dad are happy to speak every week, speak every week. I assume you’re not insisting he drop everything to take your call, so I don’t really see what his wife’s problem is.

Original poster
Kowaii · 03/08/2023 19:52

I speak to my mum every few days which is nice. I feel sad about it but not a lot I can do really. My dad is a weak man and has proved this over the years that I do not mean as much to him as his new family. But he does really love his grand children.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 03/08/2023 19:53

I speak to my mum weekly and see her weekly too. I would love to speak to my dad weekly but sadly he died 4 years ago. Weekly is defo not too often to speak.

Sdpbody · 03/08/2023 19:54

I call my parents approximately 34,567 a day. I'm needy as fuck though.

FFSDILIGAF · 03/08/2023 19:54

Ive spoken to my mum 3 times today and sent various texts.

Your parents arent here forever. Tell hee to go fuck herself or laugh in her face if she calls you again. Either Or.

CoalCraft · 03/08/2023 19:55

There is no right or wrong amount as long as both parent and (adult) child are happy. As you and your dad are happy speaking once a week, it's fine and your stepmum needs to butt out. She sounds unpleasant.

Fwiw I speak to my mum 1-2 times a week.

Daffodil63 · 03/08/2023 19:55

I wouldn't put up with it. It's none of her business tbh. If you reduced it to every fortnight you can bet after a while that would be too much as well! Tell her to stop dictating to you and if she doesn't like it she can pop out when you call. Honestly some people are so mean!