Page 4 | Is once a week too often to talk to a parent?

HamBone · 03/08/2023 21:42

legsjusttoomanylegs · 03/08/2023 21:17

I would have asked her how she would feel when she is older and how she would feel if someone stopped her talking to her children. That might help her understand.

Good idea. Turn it back on her as @legsjusttoomanylegs suggests, OP. She won’t have a logical response, because there isn’t one.

legsjusttoomanylegs · 03/08/2023 21:44

@hambone love your name, probably not for the reason you chose it unless it is a Gravity Falls reference.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 03/08/2023 21:49

She is unreasonable for putting any kind of limit on it or even having an opinion tbh. You can speak to your dad as often as you like. I have 3 step children who are just turning adults and I can't imagine having a problem with how often they speak to their dad. Is she very insecure? How long have they been together? It's very odd tbh.

InSpainTheRain · 03/08/2023 21:53

No way is once a week excessive. When both my parents were alive we called each other every couple of days. When my dad passed away mum and I spike every day, rarely missed. Sorry she I'd being horrible to you.

FedUpWithEverything123 · 03/08/2023 21:54

His wife is an evil nutjob

Original poster

Kowaii · 03/08/2023 21:54

I don’t think she’s insecure she just really doesn’t like me, she never has. I don’t know how long they’ve actually been together as she was the other woman and I don’t know when the affair actually started. But my dad left my mum 20 years ago.

OP posts:

lanthanum · 03/08/2023 21:56

Families vary massively on this, but once a week is entirely reasonable.

The only thing I would perhaps check on, if you ring at the same time each week, is whether there is a time which would work better. If you can find a slot which fits better with "family life" it perhaps wouldn't bother her so much - maybe a time when she is normally out or busy would work best!

Dweetfidilove · 03/08/2023 21:56

I'd have told her to f@#% off, but I'm guessing your dad is either weak or being abused if she felt entitled enough to call you.

Dombasle · 03/08/2023 21:57

If you are calling when you know they are having lunch or their evening meal then yes it is disturbing them but your dad would say when it's the best time to call, would the?

I phone my father and other elderly relatives 2/3 times a week at times we have discussed are suitable for them.

She's being unreasonable to complain about the frequency of once a week.

mondaytosunday · 03/08/2023 21:58

You snd he talk as often as you like. Daily if you want. It's nothing to do with her - she can't police who he talks to and how often.

Sisterpita · 03/08/2023 22:16

My Mum and I have a regular slot on a Sunday and in between we speak a couple of times on an as and when.

I would check with your Dad is the time convenient but other than that YANBU.

Imontoyou · 03/08/2023 22:17

How mumsnet loves a step mum bash. What have you done to your sm I wonder. There's usually more to these stories. You're not snow white or cinderella I'm sure. I've heard some horrible stories about the behaviour of SC and how the SM is always villified despite often trying their best to integrate into a family. If she's been that awful why did your father not chose you when you went NC. And if you adore your siblings so much, why go NC? How do you think it might have made them feel?

Original poster

Kowaii · 03/08/2023 22:25

Imontoyou · 03/08/2023 22:17

How mumsnet loves a step mum bash. What have you done to your sm I wonder. There's usually more to these stories. You're not snow white or cinderella I'm sure. I've heard some horrible stories about the behaviour of SC and how the SM is always villified despite often trying their best to integrate into a family. If she's been that awful why did your father not chose you when you went NC. And if you adore your siblings so much, why go NC? How do you think it might have made them feel?

I was 7 years old when I met her. Do you think a 7 year old is capable of doing something so awful to a woman that she hates her for life? She hates me for existing. Not a really a lot I can do about that.

OP posts:

Imontoyou · 03/08/2023 22:35

So are you saying that this woman was awful to you and hated a 7 year old but your Dad chose to be with her anyway? Are you sure you didn't hate her for existing? I'm not saying you alienated her at 7 but if she's been with your dad all this time you have had a lot of chances as an adult to cause her hurt too.
I know at 10 I hated my Dad's girlfriend with a passion. I was just about polite but aloof and it would not have mattered how nice she was. She wasn't my mum and I was also jealous of the attention he gave her. He didn't stay with her and not because of me. There were others since and now he lives abroad so we don't have the relationship I hoped for. Just saying it's always one sided but I wonder what her side would be.

Dweetfidilove · 03/08/2023 22:59

Imontoyou · 03/08/2023 22:35

So are you saying that this woman was awful to you and hated a 7 year old but your Dad chose to be with her anyway? Are you sure you didn't hate her for existing? I'm not saying you alienated her at 7 but if she's been with your dad all this time you have had a lot of chances as an adult to cause her hurt too.
I know at 10 I hated my Dad's girlfriend with a passion. I was just about polite but aloof and it would not have mattered how nice she was. She wasn't my mum and I was also jealous of the attention he gave her. He didn't stay with her and not because of me. There were others since and now he lives abroad so we don't have the relationship I hoped for. Just saying it's always one sided but I wonder what her side would be.

If the OP has been horrid to her stepmother, wouldn't it be wise for SM to just not engage?

Why would she be stoking the fire by calling her? That sounds like she likes trouble.

Copperoliverbear · 03/08/2023 23:19

Tell her to get stuffed, I'd phone more often now just to be annoying and I'd also tell him what she said.
I phone mine everyday, except if I know he's having friends over in the evening ect.
It's none of his wife's business and tell her so.

SpilltheTea · 03/08/2023 23:35

She's an arsehole, keep ignoring her.

boobot1 · 03/08/2023 23:42

Kowaii · 03/08/2023 19:43

I usually try and FaceTime my dad once a week as my kids love speaking to him (he lives quite far away) and I like speaking to my siblings (who are all children).

Apparently this is causing issues with his wife who has told me it’s not approx to disturb their family life so often and it’s weird that as an adult I want to speak to my father so often. I actually went years without speaking to him at one point, but I am happy with where things are now and my children really love him and miss him.

Aibu? Should I cut it down or is the wife the one being unreasonable? I know she doesn’t not like me at all but I feel she should just kind of get over that like I’ve had to.

Its not to much, I visit my parents every week and talk to them multiple times a week and they may stay at my house the odd week too. Oh and I took them on holiday with dh and ds. I dont think I see them enough to be honest.

Yolo12345 · 03/08/2023 23:44

What does it have to do with her?

BubziOwl · 03/08/2023 23:47

I FaceTime my mum every day and see her at least twice a week. My dad I see less often but ring and/or text several times a week.

Your dad's wife is a cow. If I were you, I'd be finding reasons to be ringing him a little more often just to wind her up...

Offyoupoplove · 03/08/2023 23:49

I speak to my parent a few times a week for fairly long chats. I know people who speak multiple times a day to every couple of months. So I’d say you’re well within the normal ‘range’.

Original poster

Kowaii · 04/08/2023 00:14

Imontoyou · 03/08/2023 22:35

So are you saying that this woman was awful to you and hated a 7 year old but your Dad chose to be with her anyway? Are you sure you didn't hate her for existing? I'm not saying you alienated her at 7 but if she's been with your dad all this time you have had a lot of chances as an adult to cause her hurt too.
I know at 10 I hated my Dad's girlfriend with a passion. I was just about polite but aloof and it would not have mattered how nice she was. She wasn't my mum and I was also jealous of the attention he gave her. He didn't stay with her and not because of me. There were others since and now he lives abroad so we don't have the relationship I hoped for. Just saying it's always one sided but I wonder what her side would be.

Yes I’ve never been my dads priority. But that’s all stuff I’ve dealt with and I now have a light, civil relationship with him because I love my siblings and my kids love them and him.

OP posts:

HamBone · 04/08/2023 00:15

legsjusttoomanylegs · 03/08/2023 21:44

@hambone love your name, probably not for the reason you chose it unless it is a Gravity Falls reference.

@legsjusttoomanylegs Tee hee, it’s not related to Gravity Falls, but I do know the reference. 😁

spiderlight · 04/08/2023 00:19

I spoke to my parents at least once every day, and I natter to my lovely MIL on FB/WhatsApp pretty much every day now.

SMsees · 04/08/2023 06:42

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