Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

960 replies

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
Quiverer · 04/07/2023 08:57

JazbayGrapes · 04/07/2023 08:37

I just threw up in my mouth a little. Gross! How drunk were you?

No, you didn't.

veryfluffyfluff · 04/07/2023 09:00

putthatdownsteve · 04/07/2023 08:32

Oh it’s okay, she didn’t. She told him she’d scratched the car by text instead. Which makes it all okay. Weirdly.

Show quote history

Ah yes missed that.

Why would you make a fuss about scratching his car OP? Now you've made it worse when you do tell him. Which you must do.

veryfluffyfluff · 04/07/2023 09:00

JazbayGrapes · 04/07/2023 08:37

I just threw up in my mouth a little. Gross! How drunk were you?

Did you really?

Rudicoolcat · 04/07/2023 09:05

CharityJane · 03/07/2023 14:24

Just tell him it was an accident - you tripped over the end of the flag and as you fell forward you opened your mouth to cry out in fear but inadvertently landed on a cream-covered knob. We’ve all done it.

🤣

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 09:05

I don’t know why OP has bothered to post here.

I think I do.

Wherearemymarbles · 04/07/2023 09:19

If you’re still reading this op how many of the other women have partners?
all it takes is one to decide to tell their partner through guilt, say I wasnt the only one etc and then its out.

QuizzlyBear · 04/07/2023 09:23

JFC, that's a squalid night out. Get some friends with a bit of class. Fucking whipped cream, cocks, other people's saliva and performative sex acts? 🤢 🤮

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 09:23

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 09:05

I don’t know why OP has bothered to post here.

I think I do.

To create a rallying point for nostalgic penis beaker/snapped and farted members. 🥱

Peachtoiletpaper · 04/07/2023 09:34

BrimFullOfAsher · 03/07/2023 21:23

Can I nominate this for classics?

I think that's what the OP would love. She's latched onto comments saying no big deal/ see the funny side/ hens on tour harder than a tick

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 09:44

Classics is supposed to be for quirky or genuinely funny stuff.

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 09:45

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 09:44

Classics is supposed to be for quirky or genuinely funny stuff.

Exactly. This is barrel-scraping low-calibre stuff.

ChristmasFluff · 04/07/2023 09:47

This belongs on Fiesta's letters page, not classics.

BlueLiquid · 04/07/2023 09:48

SingingNettles · 03/07/2023 23:35

Do you think you could make a joke of it?
What’s got two thumbs and enthusiastically blows strippers in public?

Snort

Nagado · 04/07/2023 09:50

TheoTheopolis23 · 03/07/2023 22:28

Wtf were the other hens doing while op was behind the flag for 3-4 mins?

That's quite a bit of time in those circumstances.

I can only assume that they were in the kitchen, looking for sponge fingers and whipping up some jelly, custard and tinned fruit, ready to take advantage of the free Elmlea. And you’d better hope they were, OP, because that’s the only way you’re not going to become the target of massive gossip between now and the wedding.

And if this thread gets picked up by some lazy reporter on a slow news day, scratching his car is going to be the least of your worries.

brunettemic · 04/07/2023 09:52

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 03/07/2023 22:51

Also I think the 'double standards' bleating is really thick. It's a totally false equivalence.

A man giving a female stripper oral sex is a completely different context in terms of power dynamics, exploitation, misogyny and men's entitlement to buy access to women's bodies for their own gratification.

Yes a male stripper is there because you're paying him. But if he is sticking his erect penis in your face and telling you to lick cream off it, that is still a really uncomfortable power dynamic.

Absolute genius comment 😂😂😂 classic MN bullshit

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 09:52

ChristmasFluff · 04/07/2023 09:47

This belongs on Fiesta's letters page, not classics.

It’s so depressing that mumsnet has come to this. It’s desperate.

BrimFullOfAsher · 04/07/2023 10:17

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 09:44

Classics is supposed to be for quirky or genuinely funny stuff.

I've found a few of the comments genuinely funny 🤷‍♂️

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:20

BrimFullOfAsher · 04/07/2023 10:17

I've found a few of the comments genuinely funny 🤷‍♂️

Show quote history

Look at the classics threads pre penis beaker/snapped and farted. This thread doesn’t hold a candle to any of it.

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:21

BrimFullOfAsher · 04/07/2023 10:17

I've found a few of the comments genuinely funny 🤷‍♂️

Show quote history

A few of them, but it takes more than a couple of of decent pisstakers to make a classic thread. The entire premise has to be what carries it, like a husband eating a fat ball and complaining that it's a bit greedy.

And when it's as much of a magnet for trolls and pervs as this one is, it just doesn't work. I've no idea how it's still up or why MNHQ hasn't commented. Has nobody reported it? Should I?

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:22

Please report

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:22

Jaysus, autocorrect hates me today. Greasy, not greedy.

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:23

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:22

Jaysus, autocorrect hates me today. Greasy, not greedy.

I thought it was funny - the idea of greedily eating bird food 😂

ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2023 10:25

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:21

A few of them, but it takes more than a couple of of decent pisstakers to make a classic thread. The entire premise has to be what carries it, like a husband eating a fat ball and complaining that it's a bit greedy.

And when it's as much of a magnet for trolls and pervs as this one is, it just doesn't work. I've no idea how it's still up or why MNHQ hasn't commented. Has nobody reported it? Should I?

Show quote history

The problem is that the first few pages of a thread like this are genuinely funny then everyone starts trying to say funnier things that havent already been said and it all ends up not very funny. With a side of horrible language (any need to call the OP a slag? 🤷‍♀️)

As an aside, penis beaker, snapped & farted etc - they all went the same way. Funny at first but not funny on latter pages.

Fat ball was apparently a troll / made up anyway btw

DrSbaitso · 04/07/2023 10:27

ShirleyPhallus · 04/07/2023 10:25

The problem is that the first few pages of a thread like this are genuinely funny then everyone starts trying to say funnier things that havent already been said and it all ends up not very funny. With a side of horrible language (any need to call the OP a slag? 🤷‍♀️)

As an aside, penis beaker, snapped & farted etc - they all went the same way. Funny at first but not funny on latter pages.

Fat ball was apparently a troll / made up anyway btw

Show quote history

Was it? Well I don't mind...it was funny and harmless.

This is just crass, and if it's not a troll or a Herbert then it's still certainly a magnet for them, and they're not funny either.

YoungerDryas · 04/07/2023 10:27

I remember the ‘Toddler Art’ one. Sheer brilliance.

Swipe left for the next trending thread