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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

960 replies

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
MucozadeOnLucozade · 03/07/2023 22:42

So what did the stripper say/do as all this was happening? If you're not supposed to touch him like that, why didn't he stop you?

Daffodil92 · 03/07/2023 22:43

Four minutes! That’s a really long time. What were the others doing while this was going on? Honestly, sit and count four mins On aTimer.

CandidaAlbicans78 · 03/07/2023 22:44

3-4 minutes? Do you need some practice? 😏
This has to be a wind up. As much as I hate cheaters, I can see why you might fall into bed with someone. Suck a stranger off ( with the spit of many women before) ... Well that just makes no sense to me what-so-ever.

SofaFromRomania · 03/07/2023 22:49

In a conversation with DH a long time ago he said if I was unfaithful he'd rather not know and that in his opinion it's only to make the unfaithful party feel better that they confess. It doesn't help the wronged party at all. I can see totally his point and I think he's probably right but I said I'd definitely want to know.
Could you tell your friend you were lying about you and the stripper for some reason?

JohnnysSoLongAtTheFair · 03/07/2023 22:50

Since it didn't happen I wouldn't worry about it.

A hen partygoer wrapped in a Union Jack gobbling a stripper? Yup. Happens every weekend in holiday cottages up and down the land.

And what a 'cottage' it must have been. With a room big enough for 20 people (actually 21 counting Patriotic Penis Pete and his Anchor Squirty act).

EggWind · 03/07/2023 22:50

YoungerDryas · 03/07/2023 11:57

Do male strippers actually engage in prostitution like that - performing actual sex acts in front of people like that? Don’t they have boundaries? Very odd.

Of course. Lots of pro bodybuilders also do this stuff to pay the bills - read about 'gay for pay'.

Alway1insomethingstat · 03/07/2023 22:51

anon2022anon · 03/07/2023 11:50

Do you class that as unfaithful? I don't. If I found out DP had done that to a female stripper, I'd be cross, but I wouldn't class that as cheating in the slightest

This.
men probably do this sort of shit all the time on stag dos.
you just never hear about it

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 03/07/2023 22:51

Also I think the 'double standards' bleating is really thick. It's a totally false equivalence.

A man giving a female stripper oral sex is a completely different context in terms of power dynamics, exploitation, misogyny and men's entitlement to buy access to women's bodies for their own gratification.

Yes a male stripper is there because you're paying him. But if he is sticking his erect penis in your face and telling you to lick cream off it, that is still a really uncomfortable power dynamic.

BlueLiquid · 03/07/2023 22:54

Wtf were the other hens doing while op was behind the flag for 3-4 mins?

They had their hands on their chests as they sang the national anthem and saluted the flag, obviously.

So what did the stripper say/do as all this was happening?

I wasn’t there but I’m guessing “ugh, ugh, hnyyyyyyggggg”.

SingingNettles · 03/07/2023 23:00

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 03/07/2023 22:51

Also I think the 'double standards' bleating is really thick. It's a totally false equivalence.

A man giving a female stripper oral sex is a completely different context in terms of power dynamics, exploitation, misogyny and men's entitlement to buy access to women's bodies for their own gratification.

Yes a male stripper is there because you're paying him. But if he is sticking his erect penis in your face and telling you to lick cream off it, that is still a really uncomfortable power dynamic.

This is true, technically women can never do anything wrong because society.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/07/2023 23:02

We‘ve all been there. We‘ve all golloped Elmlea off a random man‘s erect penis for four whole minutes. By accident.

SingingNettles · 03/07/2023 23:02

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/07/2023 23:02

We‘ve all been there. We‘ve all golloped Elmlea off a random man‘s erect penis for four whole minutes. By accident.

That’s the power dynamic for you.

wutheringkites · 03/07/2023 23:02

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 03/07/2023 22:51

Also I think the 'double standards' bleating is really thick. It's a totally false equivalence.

A man giving a female stripper oral sex is a completely different context in terms of power dynamics, exploitation, misogyny and men's entitlement to buy access to women's bodies for their own gratification.

Yes a male stripper is there because you're paying him. But if he is sticking his erect penis in your face and telling you to lick cream off it, that is still a really uncomfortable power dynamic.

Yeah, op, you should definitely take this route - tell him it was a feminist act.

GentlemanJay · 03/07/2023 23:11

AnonKat · 03/07/2023 11:58

Classic Mumsnet! She sucked a man's penis and it's not cheating 🤣

It's on a hen night, so it's ok? Laughable.

What if he has an STI?

Can you imagine if it was a guy on a stag do. Lol.

YoungerDryas · 03/07/2023 23:14

Why is this thread still up?

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 03/07/2023 23:14

YoungerDryas · 03/07/2023 23:14

Why is this thread still up?

Because it's hilarious?

FloydPepper · 03/07/2023 23:16

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 03/07/2023 22:51

Also I think the 'double standards' bleating is really thick. It's a totally false equivalence.

A man giving a female stripper oral sex is a completely different context in terms of power dynamics, exploitation, misogyny and men's entitlement to buy access to women's bodies for their own gratification.

Yes a male stripper is there because you're paying him. But if he is sticking his erect penis in your face and telling you to lick cream off it, that is still a really uncomfortable power dynamic.

Of course. The nasty man made her do it, it’s not her fault

YoungerDryas · 03/07/2023 23:19

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 03/07/2023 23:14

Because it's hilarious?

Show quote history

Is it?

🥱

Rosietheravisher · 03/07/2023 23:23

@BlueLiquid

So what did the stripper say/do as all this was happening?

I wasn’t there but I’m guessing “ugh, ugh, hnyyyyyyggggg”.

🤣🤣

SlippedCondom · 03/07/2023 23:25

Do you think you could make a joke of it? How long have you been together? Any trust issues?

I've been with DH about 15 years now and I think I'd just need to say you won't believe what happened, this guy walked round with cream on his cock and we all had to lick it off, I was mortified blah blah

I feel like it's not that malicious and deep. Seems like it was a jokey thing that went too far!

DH had to lick cream off someone's nipple at his own stag and we do laugh about it, as it is very out of character and I find it absurd and funny tbh. We don't have prior trust issues or anything though, which would change things I think!

Stravaig · 03/07/2023 23:28

'had to'

SlippedCondom · 03/07/2023 23:33

@Stravaig well not 'had to', but it sounds like he was going round everyone and it was all very fast? This doesn't seem like a calculated thing and it would be a shame to throw away a marriage because of some cream at the end of a stripper's cock surely... or am I just thinking too big picture 👀👀👀

SingingNettles · 03/07/2023 23:35

Do you think you could make a joke of it?
What’s got two thumbs and enthusiastically blows strippers in public?

SlippedCondom · 03/07/2023 23:37

@SingingNettles that would be a great intro to the conversation! Use that OP.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/07/2023 23:39

SlippedCondom · 03/07/2023 23:33

@Stravaig well not 'had to', but it sounds like he was going round everyone and it was all very fast? This doesn't seem like a calculated thing and it would be a shame to throw away a marriage because of some cream at the end of a stripper's cock surely... or am I just thinking too big picture 👀👀👀

If you consider four whole minutes of gagging high saturated fat milk derivatives off of a random‘s cock in public to be quick well. Four minutes is an investment in a cock, not a quick lick. It’s purposeful. With intent.