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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

960 replies

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:12

PookieHook · 03/07/2023 14:11

What was the low key thing you told him? Was it that you just tickled his balls with your toes?

Show quote history

About a scratch on the car I did last week, lame I know. I've told him nothing to do with the weekend

OP posts:
SparklingMarkling · 03/07/2023 14:13

@brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Listerine cock-be-gone 🤣🤣🤣

chaosmaker · 03/07/2023 14:13

aflix · 03/07/2023 13:34

I've learnt something from this thread....the word noshing. How long's it been called that?

decades!

Stravaig · 03/07/2023 14:13

I feel sorry for DH.

PookieHook · 03/07/2023 14:16

I feel sorry for the DH too! The poor fucker now has to deal with a scratch on his car as well as a wife who gives strippers chewies 😥

Growlybear83 · 03/07/2023 14:16

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:05

I chickened out and told him something else that's much more low key - it might be wrong but what good can come of telling him

If this thread is real, which I'm beginning to doubt, then you should be even more ashamed of yourself. When he finds out what you've done, which he's sure to, I hope he has more self respect than you clearly have and leaves you.

FOJN · 03/07/2023 14:16

PomegranateRose · 03/07/2023 13:38

Whether this is genuine or not, I am shocked how many people think it appropriate or "kinder" to never tell a partner about behaviour like this. The act itself reeks of disrespect and untrustworthiness, and taking away your partner's right to decide whether they want to remain in a relationship with someone who would act in that way is absolutely another level of disrespect in itself. You aren't being kind for not saying anything, you are making your own life easier and adding insult to injury with every passing day.

I doubt the people who tell their partner do so because they believe their
partner has a right to decide the future of the relationship. I suspect many are hoping for forgiveness which tells me that they have no idea about the hurt it will cause or the lasting effects it will have on their partner.

Assuming that this story is true and OP tells her husband, trust will be destroyed and he will have years of doubt and insecurity every time she goes out. OP on the other hand maybe so mortified by her own behaviour that she is confident she will not repeat it so she will not experience the same lasting consequences. She will however have the relief of unburdening herself of guilt. Great for her, shit for her husband.

Of course infidelity is disrespectful and evidence of untrustworthiness. If someone posted that they had found out a partner had been unfaithful I would definitely tell them to leave but I would not encourage someone confessing to infidelity to put a bomb under their marriage if they have no intention of repeating the behaviour.

Sycasmores · 03/07/2023 14:17

Uh-huh....pull the other one....men only wish this were true!

ShirleyPhallus · 03/07/2023 14:17

overthinkersanonnymus · 03/07/2023 14:12

Was the flag covering you both? And are we talking - you put his entire flaccid penis in your mouth for a good few seconds-or did you just go a bit deeper than expected to get the cream off?

This is such a bizarrely specific line of questioning

DunkFriesinShake · 03/07/2023 14:18

So you cheated on your partner, and you damn well know that he will consider this cheating or it wouldn’t be an issue - this is the part that you’re not comprehending , OP. It doesn’t matter how many people on Mumsnet act holier than thou and ‘liberal’, the reality is you know you messed up otherwise you would have relayed the story quite happily to your partner. So stop pretending strangers’ opinions matter and start thinking about HIM. You’ve already said he would be hurt — there’s your clue.

And now you’re lying to him about it. How lovely you are. Not.

Hankunamatata · 03/07/2023 14:19

So you all went behind the flag and gave the stripper a blow job. Bloody weird

C1N1C · 03/07/2023 14:20

So many hypocritical scummy women in here.

A man so much as likes an Instagram model's pic and he's sleeze, red flag, dtb... but a woman sucks a dick and it's 'move on, we all make mistakes'

Physical100 · 03/07/2023 14:20

Don't tell him for goodness sake - just learn from your mistakes. Ride the situation out, no good will come from it. Too many holier than thou people on here!

DunkFriesinShake · 03/07/2023 14:20

Physical100 · 03/07/2023 14:20

Don't tell him for goodness sake - just learn from your mistakes. Ride the situation out, no good will come from it. Too many holier than thou people on here!

Like you, you mean?

CharityJane · 03/07/2023 14:24

Just tell him it was an accident - you tripped over the end of the flag and as you fell forward you opened your mouth to cry out in fear but inadvertently landed on a cream-covered knob. We’ve all done it.

isthismylifenow · 03/07/2023 14:25

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:12

About a scratch on the car I did last week, lame I know. I've told him nothing to do with the weekend

Show quote history

It was one hell of a week for you wasn't it OP.

AllOfThemWitches · 03/07/2023 14:28

My dp would sure as hell class this as cheating and so would I, even if it was just a lick. .

ChaToilLeam · 03/07/2023 14:30

Well, it was cheating, and thoroughly skeevy (assuming this is for real). Yuck.

If my DP did anything like this I’d be bloody furious and very very hurt. Your poor DH.

DrSbaitso · 03/07/2023 14:32

aflix · 03/07/2023 13:34

I've learnt something from this thread....the word noshing. How long's it been called that?

I think it's Yiddish, so pretty old.

Gazelda · 03/07/2023 14:34

If my DW came home from a hen weekend and texted to say they'd done something bad and needed it to talk, I sure as hell wouldn't believe they wanted to confess to a car scratch.

I'd be messaging all the other hens/partners of hens to see whether there was any gossip about the stripper's flag. I might or might not get a straight reply, but the fallout is inevitable.

And if I found out she'd given the stripper a BJ, I'd be kicking her arse out the house.

GoodChat · 03/07/2023 14:34

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:05

I chickened out and told him something else that's much more low key - it might be wrong but what good can come of telling him

He can make a conscious decision as to whether to continue a marriage with a cheat?

StellaJohanna · 03/07/2023 14:34

How disgusting, Peer pressure got the better of you? If you tell your husband, he'll be off. If you don't tell him, he WILL find out eventually. YUK

Dalekjastninerels · 03/07/2023 14:35

DrSbaitso · 03/07/2023 14:32

I think it's Yiddish, so pretty old.

Show quote history

Since 1870's.

overthinkersanonnymus · 03/07/2023 14:36

@ShirleyPhallus the devils in the detail shirl 😂😂

I ask because sometimes your brain can make things seem 10x worse than they actually were in reality, especially if you're drunk.

There is no way in this earth a group of 20 other women would sit and say nothing, whilst someone sucked a stripper off, in front of them. For 3-4 minutes!!!

You can literally make a cup of tea in that time.

Blossomtoes · 03/07/2023 14:37

StellaJohanna · 03/07/2023 14:34

How disgusting, Peer pressure got the better of you? If you tell your husband, he'll be off. If you don't tell him, he WILL find out eventually. YUK

How do you know he’ll be off? We don’t all give up on a marriage for a drunken indiscretion.