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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

960 replies

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 03/07/2023 12:50

BlueLiquid · 03/07/2023 12:49

And canned whipped cream is fuuuuuuuullllll of sugar. Do you not care about your teeth, OP?

We’ve lost sight of what a normal hen party is.

🤣🤣🤣 thank god someone is picking up on the important bits!

ThinkTheresBeenAGlitch · 03/07/2023 12:50

IWFH · 03/07/2023 12:43

MN double standards at its finest.
If a man was on here saying that he'd felt up a stripper at a stag night or similar, he wouldn't get one person supporting him
Yet a reasonable number of people here seem to think giving a blow job to a stripper is not really a problem for a woman and you should keep your mouth shut. That actually might have been better advice before you went.
So sorry OP, I think your behaviour is utterly reprehensible and I'd advise your husband to LTB.

The OP's first post says she licked whipped cream off him - she doesn't specify where! Some of the 'it's not cheating' responses are from people who haven't read the rest of the thread and are imagining something much more tame than the (nonsensical) updates. It's not so much double standards as a deliberately misleading opening post. Most of the responses very much condemn the (imaginary) behaviour as cheating, unhygienic and totally gross in every way!

Stravaig · 03/07/2023 12:50

YABVVU to feel remotely sexy anywhere in the vicinity of a Union Jack! Dealbreaker.

Politics aside, an honest and respectful person would tell their DH, so he can make an informed choice about who you are, how he feels, and whether or not you still have a future together. Witholding information to manipulate him into staying is not going to end well.

Pragmatically, someone is likely to tell DH, or show him a photo. Far better that he hears it from you.

Agree with others, if you are blaming alcohol for your impaired judgement then you need to stop drinking altogether.

YoungerDryas · 03/07/2023 12:51

Are we sure OP is a woman? Could be a same sex marriage?

aflix · 03/07/2023 12:51

Yes but.....he had a union jack.

PrinnyPaupersPurse · 03/07/2023 12:51

I used to be a bar maid at a truck stop that hosted female strippers 4 nights a week. I can absolutely promise you that while the law says " No touching " the strippers are very often more than happy to do a third act For extra donations. It would literally double their income for the night. In the case of the female dancers I had to watch, the third act often included shooting ping pong balls from her vagina into various glasses, stripping a bloke naked , oiling him up and then sliding all over him but a few did go further and rub their genitals literally into men's faces. Most where happy to use dildos and double enders etc

Oddly the men were all very circumspect. Nobody would make direct eye contact with her, the bar would quietly fill with men just before she started and then silently empty after she was done. I don't ever remember seeing a man taking liberties with them. But once a month we would host a women's night for the locals. They were a totally different Kettle of fish. Its like these women were drunk or high on their freedom and they formed a mob that would go way way too far with the male strippers. One weekend there was a brawl as a woman took her knickers off and tried to shag him on stage and another woman took offence. Hair flying all over, nails pinging off and the stripper loved it. He went home with 3 women and they openly bragged about what had happened and then it turned out he gave them all a dose . Just grim 😑. We never had him back. The women dancers very much saw it as work and going through the motions for cash. The men got a HUGE ego boost from it and were like disease central.

Op, you are going to confess to deal with your own guilt. If you genuinely have no intention of ever ever cheating again then you will achieve nothing by telling your DH. Your fellow hens are just as complicit and is in their interest to keep a quiet. But at the same time you could very well have contracted some sort of herpes unless he writes a condom.

Dalekjastninerels · 03/07/2023 12:51

OP

Keep it to yourself and live with the guilt and next time there is a stripper in your vicinity look with your eyes not your hands and mouth.

Don't tell your husband the burden of guilt is yours alone.

Hbh17 · 03/07/2023 12:51

It was nothing.... a bit of silliness that went too far. You really don't need to tell your husband, for goodness sake!

sandyhappypeople · 03/07/2023 12:51

jackstini · 03/07/2023 12:49

@Lostsoul0307 - how many hens were there?
How many licked the stripper's penis?
Did the bride to be do it?

Have you even considered you will all be at the same wedding fairly shortly, probably drunk and this could come out and a lot of partners could find out?

What did you say in your message to dh?

Fwiw my dh would 100% consider what you did cheating and our marriage would be over

Have you even considered you will all be at the same wedding fairly shortly probably drunk and this could come out

Hopefully during the speeches!

Ameanstreakamilewide · 03/07/2023 12:51

See your dental hygienist too!

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/07/2023 12:52

three to four minutes !?

that’s enough to enact a denoument for some guys in the um hands of someone skilled at this metier. quite an investment in a cock I’d say.

3-4 seconds is plausibly a throwaway drunken gobble.

FOJN · 03/07/2023 12:52

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 03/07/2023 12:50

I kinda believed it until the 'sent him a text' update 🤣

Yeah, no one can be that stupid or selfish.

Namechange828492 · 03/07/2023 12:52

I don't know one friend let alone 20 that would publicly lick a cheesey community dick.

FYI OP this is not what women do on hen dos🤣

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/07/2023 12:52

YoungerDryas · 03/07/2023 12:51

Are we sure OP is a woman? Could be a same sex marriage?

Does it matter? They still shouldn't have had a different cock in their mouth.

L1342 · 03/07/2023 12:52

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/07/2023 12:50

This has definitely happened on a few hen nights I’ve been on and general consensus is don’t break girl code and tell on you. Some even think if they guess or know their DH/SO has done it then what’s good for the goose is good for the gander!

There’s always one who goes too far too!

I haven’t heard of it getting out in my friends group apart from general gossip but I have heard of one friend of a friend who fell out with her best mate and told her DH about such an act who then told his best mate whose was best mate of friend who noshed on stripper’s knob. As far as I know friend who was told on just styled it out denied having done it and as her best mate was no longer her best mate and had always been considered a bitch/liar her DH thought it was all lies.

OP, honestly I personally wouldn’t worry too much about it. I would however be aware that this is and can be the sort of thing than can be gossiped about and dragged up years later so maybe think of an excuse/lie for your DH in case that happens.

I mean if you did tell him why would you tell him, what good what it do? Do you know a good divorce lawyer?

Years ago in my clubbing days I went back with 2 men I sort of knew to their house. One was fairly sexy in fact he looked like Dmitry for Deelite! I ended up giving him a BJ in the kitchen which his mate never saw. However I then stayed with the friend downstairs, “Dmitry” went home and I honestly did nothing. Stayed over no sex etc but he gave me his number on a post it note. A week later I rang it and we ended up dating for about 18 months. I saw “Dmitry” who was his best mate out and about but we never talked about my BJ and I don’t think he told his mate. Yes it wasn’t my finest hour but I’d had Ecstasy and coke and was a bit of a wild child/woman!

If I’d ended up marrying the above man I wouldn’t have told him but equally if his friend had told him I’d either deny or lie. But I wasn’t in a relationship with either then so didn’t really do anything wrong…

I have been on tame life drawing hen nights too!

This thread has gone fucking wild

Prettylittleroses · 03/07/2023 12:52

Hbh17 · 03/07/2023 12:51

It was nothing.... a bit of silliness that went too far. You really don't need to tell your husband, for goodness sake!

You think blowing a stranger is just a bit of silliness? So if your husband did similar you’d be all that’s all right, I often do the same and consuder it a bit of silliness?

VasariMichelangelo · 03/07/2023 12:53

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 12:42

I never said all did

Show quote history

I believe this happened. I have (unfortunately) been at events that had a stripper. It's not my thing at all so left early on both occasions, but you should have seen how some of the others behaved.

One actually got kicked out because she wouldn't stop groping the guy. Personally I can't think of anything less arousing but a lot of others like it.

Dalekjastninerels · 03/07/2023 12:53

BlueLiquid · 03/07/2023 12:49

And canned whipped cream is fuuuuuuuullllll of sugar. Do you not care about your teeth, OP?

We’ve lost sight of what a normal hen party is.

😂

Namechange828492 · 03/07/2023 12:53

Although maybe you could all do a re-enactment on the groom after the first dance.?

Original poster
Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 12:53

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 03/07/2023 12:50

I kinda believed it until the 'sent him a text' update 🤣

I didn't tell the full story but that I'd done something wrong and needed to talk

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 03/07/2023 12:53

It’s actually not a Union Jack unless it’s at sea though right?

isthismylifenow · 03/07/2023 12:54

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/07/2023 12:52

three to four minutes !?

that’s enough to enact a denoument for some guys in the um hands of someone skilled at this metier. quite an investment in a cock I’d say.

3-4 seconds is plausibly a throwaway drunken gobble.

I pondered whether the amount of minutes might also be a bit of a tall story.... or a typo which should have said seconds.....

As y'know, don't want this to be a stealth boast post, but.......

FastBlueHedgehog · 03/07/2023 12:54

ShirleyPhallus · 03/07/2023 12:53

It’s actually not a Union Jack unless it’s at sea though right?

OP please give back and say you were on a boat 🤣🤣🤣🤣

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 03/07/2023 12:54

ShirleyPhallus · 03/07/2023 12:53

It’s actually not a Union Jack unless it’s at sea though right?

Beat me to it - specifically on a warship at sea.

redskytwonight · 03/07/2023 12:54

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 12:53

I didn't tell the full story but that I'd done something wrong and needed to talk

Show quote history

In response to the "how do I tell DH" question, I would put "sending him a text saying you'd done something wrong and need to talk" quite low down on the list of options.