To think parents' evening at nursery...

[User154871]

It's a tick box and a fairly unhinged one at that.

At the last one, I was told my ten month old had a 'target' of walking. I shrugged that sentence off because the rest of it was good and they are a nice nursery with lovely staff and activities.

This time, they said the 17 month old likes playing with others but 'we can tell she's an only child because she can't share'.

I don't know whether I'm being oversensitive because I has a MC in Nov and I hated the phrasing (they knew at the time but I don't expect them to remember)... but I thought that struggling with sharing was normal at 17 months?

The other target is to talk more as she only says five words clearly although she understands a lot more than that.

My last one was really good

We keep getting emails about the learning objectives my 3.5 year old has hit. I feel sorry for the staff having to do this admin. She’s happy, I’m confident the care she is getting is well structured, I really don’t need to know that she is becoming adept at holding a crayon etc

Yeah it's an ofsted tick box requirement. I'd ignore it and just raise any concerns you have as and when they arise.

Of all the batshit things I’ve come across on MN, this must be one of the most batshit!

Is this actually real?
I would not be sending my child to a nursery that 1 holds a parents evening and 2 comes out with this bullshit.

I think that's good feedback- it could have been phrased better but you have a few things you can work on - sharing and speaking. There are lots of support out there for these things if you need it.
Maybe play with some mini figures or dolls - picnics where food is shared out and the figures all play nicely together. Model more sharing at home too.

There are some great little speech exercise/ games out there that will help her come on a bit - look at accredited sources.

Yep as a nursery worker I can definitely agree with you, I dread them. Last time I had to do a parents meeting for a 5 month old!! There's only so much you can say about a non-mobile baby 😬

I actually think that is a bit shit, and not totally par for the course. The comment about being an only child was pretty horrible and also weird. Both comments suggest that they're not very clear on what's normal child development - and even if they don't know any theory on it (surely they should a bit?) then they're surrounded by children all day! I've always found nursery parents evening a bit unnecessary but the 'targets' they've set have always been age appropriate and at least vaguely tailored to the child in question!

I’ve worked in nurseries- ‘targets’ for babies are standard practice and are (or should be) based on areas of the appropriate age and stage of the EYFS. Ofsted will want to see evidence of these. In reality, it’s a lot of admin and box ticking and I’d much rather the staff were spending more time actually engaging with the children than the mountains of paperwork but it is what it is- some of it is useful and some not so much. They definitely should have phrased it better though- 17 month olds whether only children or not can’t ‘share’ in the way we understand it!

They won’t get the true concept of sharing for absolutely ages, only child or not! It’s just not a developmental reality for them until at least 2.5 but probably 3+. Any ‘sharing’ before that is just leather behaviour but likely without the empathy to know why they’re doing it. Our nursery is always ‘He unfortunately didn’t want to share today’ or ‘he left his listening ears at home’ (bloody listening ears are not at home I can tell them that much 😂)

They honestly probably just need to say something. EYFS Ofsted insist on these kind of targets for all ages that attend nursery, even if they’re babies.

Ours dropped parent’s evening before we had one and I was a bit sad at the time but the work and admin that the already underpaid staff had to put into it was ridiculous so I support not having it and just sticking with daily updates instead. I think they do a more detailed list of milestones reached every so often but I’ve not looked at one yet.

LEARNED behaviour obviously not leather ffs

Also, if it makes you feel any better OP then a) of course not sharing is normal at 17 months and b) in my own experience children of that age with siblings are often more protective of their things/worse at sharing than those without. DS1 would happily give anything to anyone at that age, DS2 was very determined to fight for what he saw as his (everything)!

Ofsted is so super pointless here isn't it. Making busy work for teachers /carers who would be much better placed spending time with the kids.

Yet the threads that point out how crap ofsted is think staff just don't want to have standards 🤦‍♀️.

We have a crazy, creaking system here.

Children don’t even have the developmental ability to share until 4 to 4 and a half years old.

So I would be questioning what else the nursery doesn’t understand about child development.

Ours were nice - it was a chance to see artwork he had done, hear about his social development, and see pictures I might not have seen of him doing activities.

It was just a chance to sit down with his key worker and talk about how things were going. Bit more detail than you get at pickup time with 20 other parents (“ate cheesy pasta for lunch, nappy changed and an hour’s nap”).

YANBU. It is ridiculous.
The staff agree. It is such a waste of everyone's time.

I do agree that it's fairly pointless for young children. My 16 month old has them at nursery too.

But I do think it's a good opportunity to get feedback about your child's development. Nursery staff spend loads of time with my DC and have a great relationship with them so I expect the key person to tell me if they are behind on developmental stages etc.

Ours has parents "consultations" and I think they're quite useful. They don't do targets, they just discuss general development, any issues, what sort of milestones will be coming up and what they're doing to support development in different areas. Eg for my 3.5 year old, talking about how she's doing at counting and letters, and how they're starting to prepare them a bit for school in September.
We haven't had one for my 11 month old yet but based on the ones for my eldest I doubt they'd say "her target is walking". They'd probably talk more broadly about her gross and fine motor skills, and let me know if they had any concerns (although they wouldn't wait for the parents evening to do that).

I think this is most nurserys. They keep setting "targets" for my 3 year old that he already does. Its just a box they can tick that looks good on inspections i guess

It’s a pointless tick box for Ofsted. The nursery has to constantly assess all babies and children against the EYFS, identify the areas of development that they are are not yet ticking off the list, then action plan activities to help them to develop further in those areas. Ofsted also want to see evidence of regular communication and strong relationships with parents and other agencies involved with the child. The nursery workers really don’t want to waste the time on a pointless parents evening, I’m sure most parents feel it’s a waste of time after the novelty of the first one. But it’s Ofsted 🤷🏼‍♀️ and why I quit Childminding.

Babies that young cannot understand sharing in the way we do full stop, even if they had 12 siblings. The nursery worker should know this.

It's ridiculous.
My next door neighbour has a 12 month old girl at nursery. She was upset after a parent evening as she was told the staff had concerns that he seemed wobbly on his feet at times and wasn't able to pull himself up off the ground easily enough. 🙄

herself

Yes its a tick box, and working in a nursery I think its ridiculous we are basically telling you what you already know, unless there is any concerns/delays in child development then they don't need to be done.

My daughter's nursery does this and I also find it ridiculous. At about 18 months they produced a written "report" that had zero punctuation and included sentences like, "the children was all playing with there toys," and then had the cheek to tell me that my daughter's "target" was language. I ignore it all, basically. It's a good nursery and the staff are lovely. I'm not interested in targets for a two year old.