To think parents' evening at nursery...

[User154871]

It's a tick box and a fairly unhinged one at that.

At the last one, I was told my ten month old had a 'target' of walking. I shrugged that sentence off because the rest of it was good and they are a nice nursery with lovely staff and activities.

This time, they said the 17 month old likes playing with others but 'we can tell she's an only child because she can't share'.

I don't know whether I'm being oversensitive because I has a MC in Nov and I hated the phrasing (they knew at the time but I don't expect them to remember)... but I thought that struggling with sharing was normal at 17 months?

The other target is to talk more as she only says five words clearly although she understands a lot more than that.

They have to do this. It's not their fault. It's part of the EYFS (if you're in England). They must share Next Steps with parents.

Technically, they're meant to be sending home 'home learning' too. Well, if they're hoping to get an outstanding grade, that is.

And yes, that means homework for even the very youngest children (ie under ones).

It's totally ridiculous. My son at 18 months had the target of using a potty by himself and washing his hands. He couldn't even speak at this point. I now just nod and ignore, nod and ignore even more.

That’s very funny your baby had a target of walking! I guess they could also put down targets like ‘grow more’ and ‘acquire more teeth’ . When my son was three his nursery report said he ‘likes cutting and also sticking’ which I thought was sweet.

My little one's nursery does "cheese and wine" parent consultations 👌
So all the parents get drunk on free wine while they wait for their (late running) time slot with the key worker, and nobody really listens to whatever the key worker says by then because the parents are too drunk 😆

Definitely a tick box exercise. With wine.

We had parents' evening at my DC's nursery, so it's not a new thing (both teens). They had comments against where they achieved different outcomes - which was lovely to hear about, and look back on when they left. The framework has probably changed since then but the principle is the same. What we didn't have is targets - I think that is taking it too far. If the child cannot understand what the target is (because they are a baby) then it doesn't make much sense to set them.

This took me right back to when dd1 was at a rather precious Montessori pre-school. At parents evening they kept dropping these nuggets of information, then leaving long long pauses for me to react. Like: "Ketzbaby has been doing very interesting work with lentils and a spoon" [pause], "She has a significant preference for only painting with one colour, mmm?" [pause].

I'm not normally lost for words but I just didn't know what they were expecting me to say!

Good grief - a target of walking!!! They clearly don't understand children at all - that they walk when they are ready. Targets are normal at school and pre-school. However, it is totally ridiculous for a toddler when they are at nursery for childcare reason.

Ours have parents evening and I love it - but it's super informal. I wouldn't enjoy yours either. I know there isn't really that much to talk about at an under-2s parents evening and that's usually good news! I just like being able to go in and sit in the little chairs like it's a practise for a primary school one and watch her potter around her 5 days a week environment while we have a longer chat with staff than we would get to have at the door.

Setting yours weird targets and judging their behaviours based on their family dynamics seems kind of mean and heavy handed for little people. They all go at their own pace, and at least while they're little they can not stress about it.

It's reassuring to hear that other nurseries do this too. I felt we had to attend but really, our handovers at the end of each day are quite good.

Also good that sharing isn't a skill all the others have got...

Yup, blame ofsted. I guarantee the workers hate it more than you do!

It’s stupid and a waste of time, but in my experience of working at 3 settings is that the staff have to work for free these evenings.
Particularly annoying when you’d worked 7.00am - 4.00pm but then had to stay for the parents evening which started at 6.30pm. Wasn’t worth going home due to travel times and then by the time you got home for around 9pm that night you were straight be bed for another 7am start.

If you can, say you can’t make the evening appointment, but you’d like a meeting with the key worker at drop off or collection. The nursery have to facilitate this and the staff member isn’t working for free…….

I worked in a nursery several years ago and we had parents evening twice a year.
I hated them, could never see the point when they're only babies!

My daughters nursery did parents evenings and they were FAB! They set up activities like they would for the kids, and the kids went round playing with their parent(s); with key workers on hand to discuss any concerns. They then had their learning journals set up where their team leader showed us what they had been doing.

We had to perch on tiny children’s chairs and look up at DS key worker who sat on a normal chair.

6ft4 DH was too big for the toddler chair so sat cross legged on the floor. Bizarre experience all round.

Don’t go?

for me parents evening at nursery was useful so I could talk to the staff about how my son was doing. I wasn’t fussed about the targets.

nurseries can also be rubbish though and if a nursery was saying your daughter could talk when you knew she couldn’t for instance (I know a nursery that did this with a child that was autistic and could only say 3 words at age 3 but they were ticking boxes to say he was on target for his age and not helping him access any local SEND services as a consequence) then this would be a major concern and it would be useful for you to know the nursery knew your child so little.

Going against the grain but I have always found them useful (albeit ours aren't in the evening). DS is an only child so it was handy to hear how he was getting on comparative to peers, how he interacted in group settings, discussing areas that we were concerned about in terms of development and having a longer chat about his interests and what toys he likes best. Handovers are fine but they're pretty manic at our nursery and I can never really pay attention because I'm too busy dealing with DS. As he's got older, it's been useful to discuss things like school applications with his key worker to understand more about what kind of environment would be best for him.

Targets. Ugh. Children do things when they're ready and targets are not going to make any difference.

At 17 months, they're still in very early days of learning to share. The nursery workers are key in helping them to develop this. Fair enough to say they're working on it, and share their strategies so you can use the same ones elsewhere.

Completely irrelevant and insensitive to link it to "being an only". The only children of that age who have not been only children for most of their lives have older siblings. They've probably just learned to give in easily if another child wants a toy!

It’s no different at school really. If their is any proper issues they aren’t discussed at parents evening!

Wow, that sounds ridiculous!

We have parents evening but it has nothing to do with progression, but a chance to discuss what DC likes and dislikes, how she is at mealtimes, nap times etc. There is only so much info you get at pick up that I like the chance to have a proper catch up with her keyworker.

This. They have to do it and probably don't like doing it any more than you like hearing it. Ignore it.

Happy for DC to have leaning objectives for nursery, and yes its an OFSTED tick box.

My DC's nursery likes to give us targets/objectives to work on at home though. Given how much the fees are, I don't appreciate being given homework from them, so unless its something we're working on anyway, I just tend to ignore.

I don't think you are being oversensitive about the only child comment OP, they shouldn't say things like that 💐FWIW my youngest has a sibling, is almost 3 and still finds sharing difficult!

Are there specific games you have in mind or are you just talking more generally?

Is there any games you mean specifically or is this more of a general comment?

Honestly! Sharing at 17months is a struggle for almost every child. I’m pretty sure only children don’t have the monopoly on general toddler behaviour (my youngest is over 2 and still learning to share properly) Middle child’s nursery were a joke- I saw a brand new member of staff who just said she was lovely. I was hoping for how well she was doing developmentally as she was starting school but nothing. I honestly think the feedback from their actual activities is way more insightful and that parents evenings that young are a complete waste of time. 🤷🏻‍♀️