To think parents' evening at nursery...

[User154871]

It's a tick box and a fairly unhinged one at that.

At the last one, I was told my ten month old had a 'target' of walking. I shrugged that sentence off because the rest of it was good and they are a nice nursery with lovely staff and activities.

This time, they said the 17 month old likes playing with others but 'we can tell she's an only child because she can't share'.

I don't know whether I'm being oversensitive because I has a MC in Nov and I hated the phrasing (they knew at the time but I don't expect them to remember)... but I thought that struggling with sharing was normal at 17 months?

The other target is to talk more as she only says five words clearly although she understands a lot more than that.

It's not obligatory to attend.

They are not targets but next steps and they are supposed to discuss and agree with you so everyone is working together on the same things so how to promote walking the games you can play, equipment etc.

The sharing thing strikes me as silly, because I have definitely seen children become more reluctant to share when they have a younger sibling who has suddenly started wanting whatever their older sibling has! Fair enough to say that they need to work on sharing (sensible feedback) but very unfair to attribute it to something out of your control, which may or may not be a factor...

We have to do it for OFSTED and each child gets graded against the EYFS in terms of everything from speech to social ability, fine/gross motor movements, the world around them and so on. It seems pointless and for some children who develop "normally" its a tick box as such, but if there's SEN or something going on we can pinpoint it, and often then we have evidence to show you or to send on to relevant professionals eg. speech therapy, pediatrician to help get that early intervention as needed.

Personally, my eldest was premature and as a result behind in many areas, with the help of her pre-school and the observations/grading they do, we were under play therapy, a pediatrician and had evidence to get further support such as speech therapy, hearing tests, medications. Pre-school did an awful lot of 1-2-1 work with her and go her to where she is now. She's 7 now and thriving, all because of the early intervention she had.

Exactly and research has shown intervention at 2 impacts a child's performance at school aged 16. Hence 2:year funding.

FFS. Nurseries can't win, can they?

This is not a "pointless tick box" exercise and I'm horrified that even some nursery staff appear to be saying it is.

These are not random targets plucked from thin air. They are part of the early years curriculum and are supposed to track normal progress and highlight any areas where a child struggles in order to target early intervention.

Someone said any real issues wouldn't be highlighted at a parents evening but when people have received feedback that there's a minor concern they roll their eyes and say the whole thing was ridiculous and staff don't know what they're talking about.
Struggling to share is normal at 17mths but is the child in question acting particularly aggressive or defiant when asked to share?

If there was no parents evening I can guarantee there'd also be a contingent complaining that they have no idea what their child does all day, handovers are rushed, and they don't understand the online learning journey so no idea if their child is progressing well.

Sounds like many nurseries could do with delivering this information in a clearer, more parent-friendly way.

17MO not sharing 🤣 Because they’re an only 🤣
It’s well known that under 3s have no concept of sharing. And won’t at least half the class be only children? A younger sibling, if there even is one yet, will probably be a newborn so no sharing there. There could be older siblings but speaking from experience if they’re 3+ which would be a far more typical age gap, their toys probably involve choking hazards for the youngest so things are kept separate. Oh and most importantly siblings don’t make kids good at sharing!! That would have really pissed me off too, mostly because I think it shows a real lack of understanding of age appropriate behaviour but also because it’s negative stereotyping of only children.

I’d want to know if they are meeting age appropriate milestones but that’s it.

It doesn't have to be documented as such but if your using a setting with 30 children and several staff coming and going it would be hard to keep track of children who are falling behind or showing issues without some system ....most nurseries now have door handover so no chance to talk to anyone who knows your child or for them to find out why a child has suddenly changed because of things that may have happened at home.

I work in early years and I’ve yet to meet a child (or adult!) who expects to hand over something they’re using just because someone else thinks they’re entitled to it. All children have to learn to wait their turn if they want something and not to snatch. At 17 months they certainly wouldn’t be expected to understand the concept of sharing resources. Being an only child has nothing to do with it as the staff should well know.

I work with children 2 years and older. We have to have “next steps” planned for children and we have to keep an eye on development milestones. Some parents want to meet up and discuss their child, other parents don’t feel the need to. I would say parents meetings at this age are not essential unless there is a problem but it’s good to have the option there for parents who want them. If you don’t find them helpful, and I don’t blame you in this instance, then I wouldn’t worry about attending.

The image of this has really tickled me

I like them.

It’s good to have time to discuss what DS is working towards at the moment. They tell us what they’re working on with the children and we tell them what we’re working on at home.

Sometimes there isn’t much to say, other times it can be so useful.

The main issue with yours OP seems to be the delivery. They could have said we’re working on sharing at the moment, perhaps working on using certain words in different situations or understanding different concepts to do with sharing, giving, taking and ownership. Not your DC can’t do this because they’re an only child. That’s just rude.

Ours were like this (although mine only went from aged 2.5 yrs). That's really all you need. To have the staff on hand for a longer informal chat, to have the parents there to watch their child play and for staff to be able to observe and comment to parents stuff like "oh yes, she loves anything like that, she's got really good fine motor skills. It's good because it will help with pencil grip when she's older", or "have you noticed how he's avoiding the drawing table? He really doesn't enjoy drawing usually, is he the same at home?" etc. There doesn't need to be anything written down at all if the staff know the children well, and staff development well.

There is a plethora of information out there free available on child development. Most parents in my experience know where their child is compared to where they should be. I really don't think that most parents need any targets for their child, unless there are serious concerns about development, and then that would be a separate meeting to discuss possible SEND. But for very young children for whom "normal" is a very wide range I think that setting targets is at best laughable and at worst anxiety-inducing for the parents.

Bloody Ofsted.....honestly.

To be fair it’s not like we’re chomping at the bit to stay an extra two hours and more after a nine/ten hour day to read you the extra paperwork we had to fit into our lives either! At least for you it isn’t compulsory. I’ve said that I’m happy not to attend if there are no problems. You can just say ‘as long as there’s no concerns then I’m happy with how they’re getting on here, thanks though.’

Can confirm that my 17 month old does not like to share. Of course he is an only child so that must be why......

It's a bit daft - I agree with you OP. But you won't find a nursery that doesn't do this - they are forced to set silly targets and monitor / report 'progress' against them because OFSTED make them. It's a waste of taxpayers money and nurseries time. OFSTED needs totally overhauling.

Yep I agree. And yes op it's totally fine and normal not to want to share at this age and there is no need to 'teach' this. Just help them to manage any toy disputes where needed.

I started a similar thread very recently, about a report from nursery about my daughter

I was told my 3 year old is behind with his numbers and letters. I pointed out he won't be starting school for another 18 months unlike all his nursery friends who are starting in September, and their response was "yes but still, he's behind the others" 🙄 He very much isn't as he's a school year younger! Argh!

I know what you mean. I got told that they were concerned because my 12 month isn't walking or talking when a) developmentally that's completely normal and b) she actually is talking, but because she's shy and doesn't do it at nursery it "doesn't count"

I'll go go parents evening when she starts school and not before.

I enjoy the parents evenings. We get updates day to day on an app but the parents nights are a bit more focussed and helpful.

It's good to have this level of monitoring by Ofsted, but it assumes staff will be knowledgeable in child development, unfortunately, more often than not, they do not have the knowledge required nor do they care.

The typically cannot assess a milestone or attainment the same way as an early years teacher or a child development nurse or another specialist would.

Some of the stuff on the paperwork will be completely made up by them, some will be ticked off in a rush, little proof is needed for a child this age (baby/toddler), so the batshit stuff you've experienced takes place. If a not met expectation is present, it's just more work for them to create special activities so instead everything gets ticked off, unless glaringly obvious there is a problem. Sometimes it seems they don't even read what's asked or are writing about a different child.

More and better quality monitoring inspections by Ofsted are needed not the ludicrous ones where the settings have notice of inspections, the setting and everyone and everything in it is prepared and scripted and inspectors write up shit generalisations based on the scripted snapshots they've seen. Parents then read reports that barely resemble the setting they know. It needs to be more frequent unannounced visits with better monitoring.

We have our first next week. I'm quite looking forward to it! I hope there's wine served. There always was at my parents evenings (and canapés).

What does this actually mean? My just turned 2 year old definitely understands the concept of sister's turn, my turn. She will happily hand something back she's snatched if she knows she just has to wait a turn. This doesn't need an adults intervention. Is that not sharing? X

Yes she’s learned a behaviour- great, but do you think she realises the concept behind it? It’s doubtful that level of empathy has developed just yet.

Respectfully, this is nuts! First, a nursery basically holding meetings to admonish parents on their babies not meeting strangely rigid milestones, and second, the milestones themselves. It is a fact that children vary in the timing of reaching established milestones.

It’s a lot of unnecessary pressure on the parents and babies. I wouldn’t be happy with them, it is pressure you don’t need.