Can I be fat and attractive at the same time?

[Freespirit12]

Inspired by another thread on here which got me thinking.

Since meeting dh, over the years i have put on four(ish) stones.

This is not ideal from a health point of view I know but on a day to day basis I'm ok with it

When I come across posts where partners are demanding that their OH lose weight in order to find them attractive again it makes me doubt my dh who says he still finds me attractive.

I think to myself " does he REALLY fancy me or is he making do?"

I would love to hear from others who are in a similar position where weight gain is not an issue.

Thanks.

@immigrant002 I've no idea who this actress is, and no axe to grind, but how insulting to compare body type/weight to bad teeth or poor hygiene. Hardly the same in any context.
I have messaged people on dating sites and been told that I'm too thin for their taste. People come in all shapes and sizes and so do preferences. Thankfully for all of us.

My DH fancied me when I was overweight but much prefers it now I'm not. Most importantly though, I prefer it. I'm far fitter and healthier; clothes fit properly and I feel great in myself, which I didn't when I was carrying 3st extra around.

Yes you can be fat and "attractive" but wtf does "attractive" even mean? As pps said, many people find morbidly obese women attractive but that doesn't mean it's something to aspire to.

I think it's also telling that so many of the women named in this thread as being fat and attractive have lost weight and said they feel much better for it. Adele, Rebel Wilson, Dawn French... etc. They're hardly examples to hang onto when they've been vocal themselves on the benefits of weight loss.

I have lost 10 stone since 2020. Size 22 to size 8. I don’t think DH finds me more or less attractive.

How is it not the same?

That’s amazing- how did you do it?

I think that's actually really interesting link the teeth and obesity when it comes to attractiveness. Never thought of it! But that is, even if it stings, quite a valid point. I always found bad teeth a turn off🤔 and it is not that different from health point and looking for healthy mate with good dna. And I am fat and now I am intrigued

Slimfast, change of habit and iron will. Found it much easier to have no treats and not to deviate from the plan at all. Any slippages would have been the slippery slope to giving up.

And I just kept going. And going. It was during lockdown though, so easier in a way, no one else’s annoying opinions to contend with!

That's terrific lemons! How attractive do you feel in yourself now?
Do you feel you look better? I imagine the difference is incredible
Amazing work... I'm off to google slim fast coz I'm done with this extra timber myself

Op I need to lost 6 stone. I'm talk so distributes prob better than most but my exH was horrible to me longer before I got that heavy, and my mother projecting issues left and right has given me more issues than I'd care to have. Dating has on occasion been unpleasant with unkind remarks made such as "I can't shag you you'd squash me"

I believe it is true and can be due to a vitality or joie de vivre but unfortunately I exclude myself from that and prob always will.

Why is not the same ? Attractiveness comes from looking clean and healthy ! Being overweight especially obese is not healthy and it certainly does not look healthy.

OP - your partner may well find you very attractive at your current size but at size 18-20 I'd hope he wants you to lose weight anyway. As your husband, he should want you to be healthy and to live a long life. If he doesn't want that for you, I'd be rather concerned.
My DH is a little overweight (BMI 27) and although I fancy him very much, I worry. I want him to be around for many years to come, for me and our children. I'd hate him to suffer with diabetes, heart problems, cancer etc because I love him. He's already been told he's at higher risk of these diseases.

Curvy and fat are not the same thing

Love this!

@immigrant002 erm ..I can and I do 😐

@immigrant002 I equate bad teeth and poor hygiene to being dirty and smelly - I realise with hindsight that you might mean missing teeth, but that too denotes a lack of care. I don't associate being dirty, smelly or caring little about oneself with being overweight. I appreciate that your opinion differs.

Do you mean Chrissy Metz? I just google image searched her - she looks like she's suffocating in her own body. And she's just lost 100 pounds.

Sorry it Lizzo does not look amazing. She’s morbidly obese. A normal weight (note: I’m not saying skinny/model thin!) always looks better than overweight however you dress it up. Sorry but that’s the way it is

@BloodAndFire i grew up
In the early 2000s so
I appreciate my views are a bit skewed with the diet culture and super skin y role
Models when i was growing up but i could never find anyone that is overweight attractive . I am not talking about curvy slightly overweight though i am referring to obese celebrities celebrated now like lizzo etc

Talking objectively many women are attractive despite being overweight. The weight doesn't add to their beauty.

In fact, large women can attract more attention sometimes simply because they have a large physical presence.
If you add in a beautiful face and a large personality then the whole package can be attractive, and admired by many because it challenges society's ideals.

The extreme end would be supersized women online being held up as role models and applauded for celebrating their obesity.

Sexual attraction is a different beast, particularly so in a long term relationship.

It's influenced by many (non superficial) factors. However, for many men a fat womans physical appearance is sexually attractive
The extreme end of that would be a sexual fetish for an extremely overweight body, including kinks such as being smothered or squashed by another person or specific body parts!

Perhaps one thing to remember op is that whatever your size, your body is worthy of love; not just your partners but your own love.

@SmileyClare your right. That's something I am working on. I'm in a much better place than I was a few years back but it's a life long thing IMO.

It's still been useful to hear from posters who have partners who fancy them regardless of weight gain. Made me see that it's more than the physical side of things that make up intimacy.

Iv seen it a hundred times on the curvy brides boutique where women of all shapes and sizes have partners who clearly fancy them so it should have registered then!!