Can I be fat and attractive at the same time?

[Freespirit12]

Inspired by another thread on here which got me thinking.

Since meeting dh, over the years i have put on four(ish) stones.

This is not ideal from a health point of view I know but on a day to day basis I'm ok with it

When I come across posts where partners are demanding that their OH lose weight in order to find them attractive again it makes me doubt my dh who says he still finds me attractive.

I think to myself " does he REALLY fancy me or is he making do?"

I would love to hear from others who are in a similar position where weight gain is not an issue.

Thanks.

My DH knows that I don't find overweight people attractive. I would still love him if he gained weight though. I'm sure your DH will love you no matter what if he's a decent human.

I have a feeling my DH feels the same way about me. He obviously never commented on my PP body but seemed more attracted to me when I lost the weight.

Everyone is different though and only your DH can answer this question.

I think people can find it attractive especially when theres love there, I was 20 stone once and ex was all over me.
But once I lost it he was really all over me because I looked much better and my confidence was there, instead or hating him touching my rolls and massive arse!
I don't find fat men attractive and I don't expect anyone to find me attractive when fat. Confidence in itself is sexy so when both people feel good about themselves plus look more attractive then it's the best.

I think your weight is probably a highly emotive issue for you op, particularly in light of your comments about being bullied all your life for being fat.

Everyone on here has been kind and tactful in their replies. Your husband no doubt reassures you too. Because he loves you.

in terms of physical aesthetics,, I think many women can look beautiful or be very attractive despite their weight not because of it. Just as a thin person, on older person or someone with bad skin can look attractive.

Thinking long term, being red faced and sweaty after climbing some stairs or getting out of a chair, relying on a mobility scooter at 60 because your knees have crumbled under the weight or any of the many obesity related physical issues are not desirable.

Of course as everyone has pointed out, attraction to a partner runs far deeper than the outside package x

It's an emotive subject OP and people aren't always honest. The only time I got fat was after I had my second child. I genuinely believe DH didn't notice. Years later we looked back at photos and he was surprised saying "Oh wow, I don't remember you putting on so much weight then".
My DH is a little overweight (BMI 27) and I still fancy fancy him. He had the age 40 health checks and it had affected his health - blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar was all too high. He was referred to a cardiologist and told to lose weight. The readings went back to normal when he lost weight but he's put it back on now! So even though he was physically active, felt very healthy and was only a little overweight it HAD affected his health. I think lots of overweight people feel OK but don't realise how the excess weight's affecting their bodies - because they don't have the health checks.
Would I still fancy him if he was 4 stone overweight? Being brutally honest I don't think I would. Although of course I'd still love him. I wouldn't want to hurt him so I'd tell him he was still gorgeous.
My friend is 40 and 4 stone overweight. She's stunning. I'm not just saying this. She's really gorgeous and also very active and seemingly healthy. However, she has just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and has high blood pressure. She's had to make big changes to her life. It's for these reasons I think people should really try and live healthily (including maintaining a healthy weight). It's not about how attractive you are.

My DH is a little overweight (BMI 27) and I still fancy fancy him. He had the age 40 health checks and it had affected his health - blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar was all too high.

I am 61, my BMI is 29.2 and my blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar are all normal. I still want to lose weight though.

People who are attracted to other people will still find you attractive. Obviously more so if you are confident and happy and find them attractive.

Some of us fat women have never lacked for partners or interest. The only people not interested in us are the men who look on women as objects. It's a great filter.

Yes it's an emotional issue for me. Twenty years ago there wasn't the whole body positivity movement around no one that I could look at for inspiration. I was made to feel enormous. I am angry that I let the bullies get away with it but there's nothing I can do about that now other than move on.

I'm 44 now and i like the fact that there is more influencers, good fashion etc for plus size women and as a whole we are not seen as misfits.

Everyone who has mentioned the health issues associated with being overly fat is spot on.

I really don't want that so am looking to slowly changey lifestyle. More walking ,less takeaways.

But in the meantime I want to believe that I'm sexually attractive to someone. Your responses have been kind and have helped.
Thankyou.

There is a certain double standard where posters accuse people who regard slim as attractive as shallow, weight obsessed or superficial, yet go on to say an overweight women can be attractive if they take great care with their appearance, have a beautiful face or fantastic makeup, lovely hair and a nice handbag

Surely that’s an equally “shallow” opinion?

Thanks for the reply, English is not my mother tongue. so I might have missed the point. To me, I see curvy as a synonym of fat but with less connotation, so a better starting point for self esteem and going onwards to a journey of self care. You need to accept were you are without being drowned in negativity to be able to move forward. It is also a word to remember that what is healthy will not look like the photoshoped pictures in women mags, or the "hangers" in haute couture runways. Women do have curves, usually never were they want to. We have to make peace with ourselves. You can realistically come back from 4 stones, even on your own. So I think positivity is key, nobody on this thread is saying, just stay like that.
I also agree. We do have a pb though, I am technically -from a medical point of view - overweight and have asked for advise on this, I was replied to that I looked gorgeous. I can safely assume from looks that the person answering me had a bmi that was twice as mine. (pre current state) There is a crisis, for sure.

I also think it's a difficult one because "fat" is subjective. I'm a size 12-14. There are days where I definitely feel "fat", especially when I see pictures of myself 20 years ago when I was a size 8-10. If I spent enough time on Instagram, watching influencers on YouTube etc I would feel "fat" a lot of the time, because I am fat in comparison to lots of the women on there. But I have other days where I feel happy with how I look and I know some of my friends would love to be the size I am now. I don't think DH cares that I don't look the same as I did when we met. He's still keen to have sex with me at every opportunity, and I honestly don't think that would change if I gained more weight. DH is one of those men who has actually gotten more handsome with age, but he is oblivious to this and still jokes about how the kids are "lucky they get their looks from their Mum".

Personally, I've been attracted to slim men and men who are overweight in the past. I don't have a type physically - I find men who are funny and passionate about what they do or what they believe in sexy. Integrity is sexy. Kindness is sexy. Good taste in music is sexy. Being able to take charge in a crisis is sexy. There is much more to sexual attraction, chemistry and being drawn to someone than their body type.

The two most beautiful women I’ve ever known were around 5’ 2” and at least size 16s. One in particular turned heads on the street.

No I don’t think it’s shallow to say you don’t have to conform to conventional patriarchal beauty ideals in order to be attractive.

You can be attractive at any weight. Both DH and I have gained a fair bit over our 12 years together, we are both now trying to lose weight, but I've never stopped being attracted to him and I think the feeling is mutual.

You have to lose weight because you want to and because you're in the right head space to, otherwise it won't work

Op, build on your confidence and body positivity. I wish you well x

It sounds cheesy but you will never make the changes you mention if you don’t love yourself, respect your body and want to treat it well. Do that for you, not to fit in with some sort of societal ideal

Beyoncé is not overweight

Beyoncé is not overweight

This is why I think comparison with celebrities is particularly unhelpful. We are so used to seeing carefully curated, heavily styled images of them in all of our media. We think we know what they look like, but do we really? We don't know for sure which celebs have had surgery, how much images have been edited and altered, imperfections cropped out, what kind of heavy-duty shape wear they've winched themselves into under those amazing outfits. Maybe if we were to calculate her BMI Beyonce would technically be overweight, maybe not. What I am fairly sure of is if she was stood here in my living room right now stark naked in unflattering lighting she would not look like the image of Beyonce we all have in our minds.

LOL! of course!!!!! omg.. but europeans are the only continent in the world obsessed with being skinny....trust me

I'm a size UK 18 and live in an arab country. I was bigger last year and never had so much attention/ compliments at that point.

This has made me appreciate every woman/human is different and beautiful in their own way. I never ever feel concious of my weight anymore as I understand beauty does NOT depend on a dress size.

What it does depend on is, your thoughts, your soul, the way you carry yourself, yes, dressing up and making yourself look good helps too!

I never feel uncomfortable anymore, but in Europe I do. Here it would be considered negative to be skinny amongst many communities.. they prefer 'meat on the bones'

anyhow, YES i have found a new love/appreciation for bigger women, women with bums, stomachs, boobs, myself included :)

women are sexy and beautiful creatures regardless of the digit on your jeans.

To some men yes, to others, no. Don't go off what your husband says, go off his actions. If you are still romantic, in that way, then safe to say, he is still attracted to you. If not, then you have your answer (assuming a previously healthy sex life)

As someone who is curvy but not fat I would say you cannot be attractive and fat if you can't fit in a 'plane seat or a standard size bath or if you can't reach around to wipe your own arse. A health risk is not attractive.

We’re not shallow we just don’t find inactivity/gluttony attractive. Big difference.

And you can look at a fat person and immediately know they are fat because of gluttony and inactivity?

I can't believe someone said Beyonce is overweight... 🤦🏻‍♀️

Body positivity is not a good thing. It is not healthy to overweight and quite honestly, most overweight people are not attractive.

If you’re overweight and you don’t like it, you can do something about it. You’re choosing not to and want everyone to tiptoe around and say you’re attractive and it’s healthy to make you feel better when it’s simply not the case.

Yes, of course you can.
Would you find your DH attractive if he put on 4 stones?

People who care about their size and don't want to be fat aren't shallow.
Stop projecting.