Can I be fat and attractive at the same time?

[Freespirit12]

Inspired by another thread on here which got me thinking.

Since meeting dh, over the years i have put on four(ish) stones.

This is not ideal from a health point of view I know but on a day to day basis I'm ok with it

When I come across posts where partners are demanding that their OH lose weight in order to find them attractive again it makes me doubt my dh who says he still finds me attractive.

I think to myself " does he REALLY fancy me or is he making do?"

I would love to hear from others who are in a similar position where weight gain is not an issue.

Thanks.

My husband must have found me attractive at my fattest - that's when we met and he fell in love with me. I'm 4 stone lighter than I was then - the idea that someone isn't attractive just because of their size is ridiculous...however everyone is entitled to have their own idea of attraction - for some being overweight means unattractive.

Personally I think being covered in tattoos is unattractive, I know plenty of people would disagree...they are no more right than I am.

Nope definitely don't want anyone tiptoeing around me. If I wanted that I would have asked this question to my friends and not posted for an objective response on here!

DH putting on four stones? Yes I absolutely would find him attractive. Simply because of who he is on the inside. I seem to have answered my own question 🤔

Of course I would worry about his health.

Health checks have shown that my BP, cholesterol and sugar levels are ok but I have days where I am out of breath just looking at a flight of stairs.

This is simply not true. You may live in a country that appreciates larger women but its not true that only Europeans value being slim. My in-laws are Indian and they are obsessed with weight. Every time they meet up there's a long discussion about each other's bodies, who's put on weight, who's lost weight etc. My MIL is always telling her children (male and female) to eat less. I have several Japanese friends who are very restrictive about what they eat. One told me "Japanese women are not allowed to be fat" and I can't say I've ever seen an overweight Japanese person (apart from sumo wrestlers). I know people from China and the Philippines who talk a lot about weight and see excess weight as bad. There are plenty of skinny health fanatic Americans too. Absolute nonsense to say it's only Europeans.

Absolutely. I've met some stunningly attractive women who don't fit the fashion industry's standards of what physical beauty is meant to be. Equally, I've met a fair few women who, by industry standards, are beautiful but they just did not appeal to me.

Attractiveness is a complex thing and personality for me counts much more than shape or looks. Find someone that sees you holistically and values the whole of you rather than some shallow individual who only sees the skin you're in.

‘a decent handbag’

I’ve heard it all now 😂😂😂

Good grief

Fat or slim, you're only as attractive as you feel. Confidence carries you a long way.

Some of the most confident and attractive people I know are what others would consider fat.

I also have a gorgeous friend who is as tiny as anything, but you can tell her nothing to make her believe she's attractive.

It's all swings and roundabouts. If your husband still desires you, there's no point doubting his feelings. Ultimately, the only thing that will work for you is being a weight/size that you're happy with.

And whatever you do, always practise self maintenance where you can - hair, make up, nice fitting clothes and anything else that gives you a boost.

Sorry I meant arab and north african countries.

Yes europeans, and most asians value being skinny more than fat.

where I live if you're skinny you're assumed to be ill/sick/ in poverty.

I would say that putting on weight on your face can really make a person look surprisingly different. My brother gained weight in his 20s and his face became puffy, pasty and he looked quite unwell (he was, physically and mentally), and not like himself at all. So I think this can make a difference to attraction.

I am fat and attractive.

am i to everyone's taste? NO. But then, I don't find most people attractive either!

My husband thinks I am stunning, without reducing me down to physical traits that will change as we grow old together.

@Shoxfordian , it's definitely your handbag that's turning him on. What make and model is it please, and could we have a photo?
I'm picturing Miss Prism's handbag-

I have grained weight and although my DH doesn't say it, I know he finds me less attractive. We've been married over 20 years and his sex drive has always been lower, he's never been a great communicator and I no longer care.... says alot about my marriage.

He's lost weight through excess drinking and I find him less attractive due to it.

Due to a weight obessed mother, I have huge lack of self confidence and worth, I had this as a slimmer person -the weight makes no difference.

I've still had men, make advances on me and I've been told I'm sexy - I just don't see it.

I don't understand people who base everything on looks.

Attraction is made up of so many different things. You can meet someone, who you are not initially attracted to, but when you get to know them they become the most gorgeous, sexually attractive person you know! It's about so much more than the package it's wrapped in.
All the people who are saying 'everyone is shallow' are just trying to make themselves feel better.

Losing weight should be about health and your own happiness, not because you're worried about being found attractive, as your size is such a small aspect of this. If it's a big deal to someone else, maybe the weight of them is all you need to lose 😉

I am fat (a bit fatter than when I got together with DH 30+ years ago, but I wasn't particularly thin then). DH clearly finds me very attractive. I don't think I am exceptionally attractive by the usual standards, but I feel attractive rather than unattractive.

Beyoncé is not overweight?!

Absolutely can! I'm a 16/18 and my fella of 15 years still really really fancies me. I personally don't feel very attractive but objectively I can see evidence that some men find me to be so. I mean, loads of people would also not find me hot due to being bigger, but if the question is 'can you still be found super attractive while being overweight' the answer is unequivocally--- yes!

If my husband put on 4 stone, I would no longer find him attractive or want to have sex with him. I will always love him for who he is inside but I would not fancy him at that weight.
If that is shallow so be it. At least I am honest. I don't find fat attractive especially 4 stone overweight. Some people do though and more power to them but fancying someone and wanting to have sex with them is something you cannot control. You either fancy them or you don't. If my husband put on a shedload of weight, I would not fancy him but would still love him dearly. HUGE difference between loving someone and fancying them.

You probably need to lose a bit of weight for health reasons, and I'd focus on that but not necessarily losing all of the four stone. And it definitely doesn't make you unattractive. DH has always been a bit overweight and round but I love him as he is and I never expected him to suddenly become a slender fitness guru.

I was three stone lighter than my current weight when I met DH aged 23, I'm 47 now (and have been a good deal heavier) - but right at the bottom end of the healthy range and quite light for me at any age. I don't think that weight would be sustainable or desirable for me now - it would probably be pretty ageing, in fact. When I was 16 year old though I was only a stone lighter than I am now. I'm aiming to lose another stone and a bit and be BMI 24.

I wouldn't ask a question like this here OP, honestly. MN is one of the most fatphobic places on the internet.

I am fat. I am confident and happy and I look fanfuckingtastic.

Love and nourish the body you are in. Move your body because it feels good, not because you are punishing yourself.

I'm 2 stone heavier than when we met and have been 3 stone heavier. DH maintains that he still finds me attractive but what I know he'd find even more attractive was if I had the body confidence that comes with being healthy BMI.

How do you feel in yourself OP? Would you be more confident in and out of clothes, in social situations and in the bedroom if you lost some weight? If so, do it, for yourself as much as your DP.

I've gained weight since having the DC and I'd say the face is the only thing I have left that I can be proud of! Having said that, I thank my body for all its done for me so societal standards for how I should look can fuck off. I'm happy as I am.

If my husband put on 4 stone, I would no longer find him attractive or want to have sex with him. I will always love him for who he is inside but I would not fancy him at that weight.

Surely it depends on how though? My DH used to weigh more when he was at uni & competing in swimming & rugby. It was 3 stone plus of muscle.

I am sure that the majority of men who lorry on 3 or 4 stone have 3 or 4 stone of pure muscle. Nah, not into it.

Of course you can be attractive and overweight.

My partner has put on over 4 stone over the year's.

I don't really like it, I can't change it, I sometimes side eye his stomach but I love him as a person.

Sex is awkward. Missionary position isn't possible without distance.

He is often tired which I put down to his weight, he carries the majority on his stomach.

He's not unattractive as he is very tall but if I'd the choice I'd prefer him to take better care of his diet.

I have put on a similar amount of weight. I have no doubt DH still loves me but does he honestly find me as attractive? I am certain no. He says all the right things though.