Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU hugs and kisses first dates are weird?

108 replies

Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 22:00

Went on a date.

At the end he went for a huge and maybe a kiss.

I’m not attracted to him which is good, because I won’t act irrationally and I want to see him again.

when are these things supposed to progress naturally?

im 37, dating inexperienced.

OP posts:
EthicalNonMahogany · 15/10/2022 22:04

Why do you want to see him again if you're not attracted to him?

Original poster
Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 22:10

EthicalNonMahogany · 15/10/2022 22:04

Why do you want to see him again if you're not attracted to him?

Because why not? i think he would make a good partner. How many people actually find their partners attractive - because I would find maybe 0.005% of men attractive. He’s got a great personality and nature…. That’s more than looks.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 15/10/2022 22:12

If you don't fancy him enough for a snog, you're not going to want to have sex with him. Why bother?

Original poster
Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 22:14

gobbynorthernbird · 15/10/2022 22:12

If you don't fancy him enough for a snog, you're not going to want to have sex with him. Why bother?

Says who? Not me.
I’ll be quite comfortable getting to that point, if I want a relationship with him.

OP posts:
ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou · 15/10/2022 22:14

Yeah, I prefer a BJ in a dark car park on a first date! 😎

Original poster
Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 22:15

ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou · 15/10/2022 22:14

Yeah, I prefer a BJ in a dark car park on a first date! 😎

Give or receive haha

OP posts:
TrianglePlayer · 15/10/2022 22:15

Surely this is a wind up.

Original poster
Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 22:16

TrianglePlayer · 15/10/2022 22:15

Surely this is a wind up.

Why is it a wind up?
Whats the norm?

OP posts:
TrianglePlayer · 15/10/2022 22:18

The norm is only going on a subsequent date if you find them attractive.

Cakecakecheese · 15/10/2022 22:20

It's a pretty standard end to a date. What did you want/expect? A firm handshake? A high five?

QuizzlyBears · 15/10/2022 22:21

Assuming this isn’t a wind up - and I’m being generous! - ‘the norm’ is not to be considering a potential relationship with someone you’re not attracted to on the basis of a weird made up statistic about how many people find their partners attractive. Ask around here, you’ll get lots of responses - my partner is, to me, the most attractive person in the world in every way. YABU for heading down a path which will mean you don’t treat this person like they deserve to just because you want to be in a relationship.

And fwiw, things ‘progress naturally’ when it’s genuine and they’re meant to. Timescales ate a moot point. Leave the poor guy alone.

Original poster
Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 22:22

That’s fine if it’s the norm for others. I wasn’t sure.

I’ve had the reverse, getting physical on first dates etc…. I just feel like this guy is different, which is good

OP posts:
Original poster
Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 22:23

Maybe this is why so many bad relationships, looks over substance?

everyone is different

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 15/10/2022 22:26

Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 22:23

Maybe this is why so many bad relationships, looks over substance?

everyone is different

Because what you're doing is clearly work

Augend23 · 15/10/2022 22:29

You only find 1 in 20,000 men attractive? I don't think I've even met 20k men.

I am not a particularly looks focused person and I can find a person's personality attractive enough to overlook my indifference to their looks, but I definitely find significantly more than one in twenty thousand attractive...

toogoodforthisworld · 15/10/2022 23:13

I only start to find someone attractive after getting to know them. I wish I could find someone irresistible on a first date and shag them senseless but I can't.
My partner is handsome - (which I didn't even see) but it was the fact he made me laugh so much and is such a kind person as to why I fell for him. It was actually a mutual friend of ours who said after we'd gotten together 'he's so hot' and I was like 'is he?'
I know he has a face that would be considered attractive (you know what I mean - eyes and nose and mouth all at certain measured points on his face- is it called a symmetrical face?) but - I liked him for his personality and how he makes me laugh (even more now than when we first met) so I get where you're coming from . He kissed me on the first date - but I was like 'whoa mate- keep ya tongue to ya zelf'
We became platonic besties and were seeing other people until we realized we were ignoring the people we were actually dating, to chat with each other on what's app. The rest is history. We adore each other.
You do what you think is best xx

Original poster
Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 23:29

VeridicalVagabond · 15/10/2022 22:26

Because what you're doing is clearly work

Show quote history

Well that’s what I was doing before….

OP posts:
Original poster
Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 23:30

toogoodforthisworld · 15/10/2022 23:13

I only start to find someone attractive after getting to know them. I wish I could find someone irresistible on a first date and shag them senseless but I can't.
My partner is handsome - (which I didn't even see) but it was the fact he made me laugh so much and is such a kind person as to why I fell for him. It was actually a mutual friend of ours who said after we'd gotten together 'he's so hot' and I was like 'is he?'
I know he has a face that would be considered attractive (you know what I mean - eyes and nose and mouth all at certain measured points on his face- is it called a symmetrical face?) but - I liked him for his personality and how he makes me laugh (even more now than when we first met) so I get where you're coming from . He kissed me on the first date - but I was like 'whoa mate- keep ya tongue to ya zelf'
We became platonic besties and were seeing other people until we realized we were ignoring the people we were actually dating, to chat with each other on what's app. The rest is history. We adore each other.
You do what you think is best xx

Thank you.
i can’t stop thinking about him :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Itchybites123 · 16/10/2022 00:04

Augend23 · 15/10/2022 22:29

You only find 1 in 20,000 men attractive? I don't think I've even met 20k men.

I am not a particularly looks focused person and I can find a person's personality attractive enough to overlook my indifference to their looks, but I definitely find significantly more than one in twenty thousand attractive...

You will have done

OP posts:
DixonD · 16/10/2022 00:08

TrianglePlayer · 15/10/2022 22:18

The norm is only going on a subsequent date if you find them attractive.

This.

Your view it utterly bizarre OP. But then, if you’re inexperienced (and 37, so perhaps “in a hurry?”)…

DixonD · 16/10/2022 00:09

*is

toogoodforthisworld · 16/10/2022 00:22

@DixonD
When you say attractive- are you talking about their physical looks? Or what OP mentions- she sees something in him.. which in my eyes she means she finds something attractive about him. But she's not sexually attracted to him enough to want to get physical (whether it's a hug or a kiss)

Original poster
Itchybites123 · 16/10/2022 00:25

DixonD · 16/10/2022 00:08

This.

Your view it utterly bizarre OP. But then, if you’re inexperienced (and 37, so perhaps “in a hurry?”)…

Show quote history

What view?
What would your viewpoint be if I came away saying he tried to kiss me or hug me on a first date and I didn’t want it? Maybe women shouldn’t be put in this position

OP posts:
Floweryflora · 16/10/2022 00:30

Op are you possibly gay and haven’t realised it? Or asexual? Why would you wish a romantic relationship with someone you don’t find attractive and why are you dating men if you’re not attracted to men?

HighlandPony · 16/10/2022 00:34

Itchybites123 · 15/10/2022 22:10

Because why not? i think he would make a good partner. How many people actually find their partners attractive - because I would find maybe 0.005% of men attractive. He’s got a great personality and nature…. That’s more than looks.

Show quote history

Most folk I know wouldn’t be with anyone they weren’t attracted to. With the exception of two of my friends (who are sisters) that had arranged marriages within their families faith.

Can’t offer any advice though. I married a local lad I’ve known since I was five. We all used to just go to the pub after a ‘date’ and see if we were bedding the fella or not by the end of the night when we were in our dating years.

Swipe left for the next trending thread