AIBU hugs and kisses first dates are weird?

[Itchybites123]

Went on a date.

At the end he went for a huge and maybe a kiss.

I’m not attracted to him which is good, because I won’t act irrationally and I want to see him again.

when are these things supposed to progress naturally?

im 37, dating inexperienced.

@Floweryflora
I'm not asexual or gay but I'm also not attracted to a man by his appearance if I don't know him . I don't want to kiss or hug someone I don't know either. When I know someone- I find them either attractive or not - their appearance has little to do with it. Although I have a preference for clean and quite slim men I've noticed. I love having sex with a man I'm attracted to. I'm definitely not gay. I wish I was sometimes lol.

If you find the vast majority (ie 99.9999%) of men unattractive, maybe you are not as heterosexual as you think.

I’m so confused, are you the op with a name change fail? You are answering rh3 question as if it is about you. But your posting history says you’re married.

and the op (you? said she was attracted to 0.005 percent of men, which is very different to attracted to men for alternate reasons.

I didn’t find my current partner attractive physically when we first met but I liked his personality.

I'm not that attractive myself so I have had to adjust the bar somewhat.

I enjoyed his company so we kept seeing one another and that attraction grew. I fancy the pants off of him now, 3 years later.

Have you had a look at most men? No hair. Big bellies. Short. Not my thing.

Same.

@Floweryflora that's what I'd posted above, but had reported it as I wasn't sure if I'd read it incorrectly and didn't want to look stupid making assumptions! I'd replied to it as if it was a name change rather than querying it first.

When I met my now DP, I was underwhelmed from his physical aspect but I went on a second date anyway as he was so engaging and interesting (not funny I must say).

Now I think he's the most handsome man in the world and I see women looking at him all the time he's actually the classical blond god of beauty. I'm still wondering how I didn't see it at the time.

We didn't kiss until maybe date 10 and didn't sleep together until month 8 so about 100 dates in. While I didn't find him attractive, I thought there was "something" there and that's why I went for a second date.

I had other dates when I found the men unattractive, pompous and boring. They didn't get a second date!

I hugged and kissed my late dh on our first date. I’d known him for a while though and fancied the arse off him and his personality just made him even more attractive

but I couldn’t go on a date with someone I wasn’t physically and mentally attracted to anyway.

that’s just me though.

There has to be some attraction.
I find someone's personality way more attractive than looks but there has to be "something"

Attraction is the most important part of a relationship. Especially in the early days/months/ years even. It gets you pay the annoyances which every one of us has. Bizarre post!

And finding someone attractive doesn't have to do with physical looks. People are saying they didn't find their partners attractive at first but then liaising things like interesting, engaging, funny etc. That all comes under attraction - you're attracted to their presence/personality. Also examples of attraction growing where people are naturally spending time in others company eg mutual friends is different to formal dates with a stranger

Yeah I don't understand the original question now. Is it this?

OP went on a date with someone who she found interesting, appealing, something about him made her think he'd be a good partner. When she scans her feelings this hasn't translated into either thinking he's good looking or feeling physically excited, like slightly aroused or keen to kiss, touch, get closer to him.

She's annoyed because he went to kiss her. But what's her problem with it?

I don't know whether she thinks those other feelings will emerge over time, or whether she just doesn't usually have them and doesn't think they are important. Her original message seemed to suggest it was good not to feel them because that in some way would affect her good judgment.

But in either case OP YABU. Most people either feel the attraction at the time, or have a go with a kiss and cuddle to see if that sparks or opens us up to feeling a stirring of lust. You can't blame him for trying that if you were getting on well.

There is something, so I’m seeing him again ;)

Thanks…

if I don’t kiss him on the first date will that guy think I’m not worth seeing again as no sparks?

I think finding your partner attractive is pretty much essential. They don't have to be a gorgeous Adonis, but how can you have a sexual relationship with someone if there is no spark of attraction there?

if I don’t kiss him on the first date will that guy think I’m not worth seeing again as no sparks?

Well presumably you've arranged to meet again so you have your answer. All guys are different. There isn't a rule but obviously this one wasn't put off

Because I’m looking for a life partner and I want to have a partner…. I guess I’m trying to avoid giving men sex without a commitment.

Have you got a second date organised?

You can be attracted to someone without rushing into sex. Attraction of some sort is essential; sex can come much, much later - as late as you like.

And I agree with PP that it is normal to find more than 1 in 20k men attractive! Lots of men may have bellies, bald heads etc, but lots don't!

Yep mid week.
day but not a place to eat yet… but that’s ok.

(I’m getting really anxious today as I really want to see the guy again).

I actually understand OP. I was in relationships that were 'good', but no fireworks, and maybe the guys were nt my type, but they were kind and nice and that's what mattered more than they looks- guy who I felt attracted to were mostly idiots. And I didnt find it hard to be intimate, because I like their personality and we had good time and had lots ot talks about. It just wasn't the being crazy about someone, but there was security and respect.