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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stag Do!

136 replies

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:36

My fiance had his stag do recently, i expressed i was not happy with lap dancing and any thing else further. Strip-clubs was as far as i would feel comfortable with and that was a push.

He disclosed that he had lap dancing from 3 different females and took part in a sexual show where he ate a food object from a strippers vagina. i am beyond upset but he seems to think i am overreacting.

I really don't know how to feel. Am i over-reacting to feel upset?

OP posts:
brookstar · 10/08/2022 17:06

He's used his stag do as an excuse to cheat on you. He figures he'll be able to justify it and talk you round by saying it's what people do when they're on a stag do.
He knew what he was doing.

If this happened in a normal night out how would you feel? Would there be any doubt in your mind about whether it was cheating or not?
Don't let the fact it happened on a stag do make you blinkered to what he's done.

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:07

He claimsits not cheating as he didnt actually touch her vagina and just bite the end banana

OP posts:
Pansypotter123 · 10/08/2022 17:07

How did you find out? Did he volunteer the information or did someone else stir the pot?

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:08

No, he told me off his own back

OP posts:
Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:09

But his BIL and DB were there with him. so who knows whether he told me just to get in there first in case anything was said

OP posts:
brookstar · 10/08/2022 17:09

It doesn't really matter what he thinks does it?
If you consider it cheating ( and I would) then that's your prerogative.

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:10

He told me as soon as he came home, the same night,

OP posts:
Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:11

I spoke to him the day after it happened ( i didnt know) and he didnt mention it i asked has he been to a strip club yet and he said no.

He lied

OP posts:
2pinkginsplease · 10/08/2022 17:12

For me he has overstepped boundaries. I couldn't care less if it was a stag do.lap dances wouldn't bother me but the banana would be us finished.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/08/2022 17:12

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:07

He claimsits not cheating as he didnt actually touch her vagina and just bite the end banana

How would he feel if you offered a banana to a stranger from your vagina????

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:12

I feel i could over look the lap dancing even though 3 different girls. But the banana

OP posts:
Florelei · 10/08/2022 17:14

Repulsive. Immediately dumped.

Essexgalttc · 10/08/2022 17:14

I wouldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t class this as cheating?

DahliaDreamer · 10/08/2022 17:17

Does he think it would be ok if it was you eating a donut off a man's penis?

Theluggage15 · 10/08/2022 17:21

That actually turned my stomach. I really don’t think I’d want to touch him again if it was me. I’m so sorry he’s disrespected you OP.

ingratitude · 10/08/2022 17:21

Absolute no from me. That's completely disgusting. I'm so sorry he has chosen to put you through this. Ignore what anyone else thinks; if it's not acceptable to you then that's your line in the sand.

I wouldn't marry him

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:24

We have slept together since and there's a lot more passion on his part, he says its because he missed me and hes realised what he has got at home. Could this be true? Or is the events of what happened in his mind?

OP posts:
GinaMaloney · 10/08/2022 17:24

Essexgalttc · 10/08/2022 17:00

OP he was probably loving it and laughing away with his mates

every post I see about a man being a pig at his stag he claims he didn’t enjoy it

Eaxctly! It’s funny because if he was wasn’t enjoying it, why did he not stop it after the first one? I know if I was sitting down and a man tried to sit on my lap, or wave his balls about in my face, I wouldn’t continue sitting there with a smile on my face for the sake of my mates! I would be pushing him right off.

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 17:25

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:07

He claimsits not cheating as he didnt actually touch her vagina and just bite the end banana

Bullshit

brookstar · 10/08/2022 17:26

We have slept together since and there's a lot more passion on his part, he says its because he missed me and hes realised what he has got at home. Could this be true? Or is the events of what happened in his mind?

I'd say it's guilt.
He knows he's fucked up.

DahliaDreamer · 10/08/2022 17:26

I'd have to question being with any man who thinks that paying women to perform sex acts is ok

hotdiggetydog · 10/08/2022 17:27

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:36

My fiance had his stag do recently, i expressed i was not happy with lap dancing and any thing else further. Strip-clubs was as far as i would feel comfortable with and that was a push.

He disclosed that he had lap dancing from 3 different females and took part in a sexual show where he ate a food object from a strippers vagina. i am beyond upset but he seems to think i am overreacting.

I really don't know how to feel. Am i over-reacting to feel upset?

Butlers in the buff though eh girls

HopelesslyOptimistic · 10/08/2022 17:27

Sorry do not invest in this man. Ridiculously juvenile behaviour. No excuses you deserve better.

millymollymoomoo · 10/08/2022 17:27

I’m pretty cool sboutvthings but would not accept this and would be looking to cancel the wedding

completely disrespectful to you!

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 17:28

You'll spend the rest of married life never being able to eat a banana