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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stag Do!

136 replies

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:36

My fiance had his stag do recently, i expressed i was not happy with lap dancing and any thing else further. Strip-clubs was as far as i would feel comfortable with and that was a push.

He disclosed that he had lap dancing from 3 different females and took part in a sexual show where he ate a food object from a strippers vagina. i am beyond upset but he seems to think i am overreacting.

I really don't know how to feel. Am i over-reacting to feel upset?

OP posts:
Cakecakecheese · 10/08/2022 16:54

Yuck. How old are these men?

Even if he did do this stuff because 'peer pressure' he put being the big man in front of his mates ahead of the feelings of his future wife. Not good enough.

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:54

He said he felt awkward and minging and didnt get aroused and his friends paid for 3 for him. But why continue to have 3 different woman dance on you if you completely hated it? Why not just say no

OP posts:
Itisasecret · 10/08/2022 16:54

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:46

He said he had no enjoyment at all from any of it and did it our of peer pressure and he missed me loads.

That’s worse. A man who doesn’t have clear boundaries is not a man to marry.

AffIt · 10/08/2022 16:54

I've been with my OH for almost 20 years and I have very, VERY rigid lines in the sand about pornography and 'sex work'.

He knows that. He also knows that, while he is theoretically free to cross those lines, I am also free to tell him to fuck off and get on with my life, because I have no truck with people who disrespect my boundaries.

If your eldest daughter (also, DAUGHTER) is almost a teenager, then I assume this man is, at the very least, in his 30s and is waaaaay beyond 'well, my pals made me do it'.

This is revolting. Don't marry him.

Mama1980 · 10/08/2022 16:54

Oh my goodness that is disgusting!
Do not marry this man he clearly has no respect for you.
Peer pressure, what is he 13? Any decent man would never use his stag do as an excuse to have a sexual experience another women...I mean seriously?!
I'm so sorry he's done this op.

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:55

He is 32.
Im still in shock and proccessing things i think

OP posts:
Mardyface · 10/08/2022 16:56

Honestly the fact he is trying to justify this as not unfaithful because he only touched the bit of the banana that was sticking out of the woman's vag would be funny if it weren't so fucking demeaning to everyone involved.

With a teenager and a baby it may not be as simple as LTB but he needs to understand why you are upset about this - all the reasons including I expect that he seems to think women in general are to be bought and sold despite having a daughter himself. If he doesn't/won't, I don't think I could carry on with him.

What do you think you'll do?

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:56

Everyone i have spoke to IRL has said its just one of them things but their all biased as its his family etc

OP posts:
Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:57

@Mardyface I have no idea i am in complete shut off mode.

OP posts:
brookstar · 10/08/2022 16:57

I'm sorry you are going through this.
What he did was completely out of order and something I would class as cheating

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:58

He knew how i felt from the beginning regarding it all but shrugged it off as its "just a stag do they all do that" and he wants to feel "normal"

OP posts:
Winfreda · 10/08/2022 16:59

Another saying you'd be mental to marry this bloke. He has more respect for his mates and his ego than he does for you. God I hate men sometimes.

brookstar · 10/08/2022 16:59

Don't let him minimise this.
It is not normal

Mardyface · 10/08/2022 17:00

I'm sorry this has happened. Take your time to process things and decide what to do. Please remember though you are not unreasonable, mad, or any other nonsense anyone tells you for being upset about this. It is horrible. Flowers

SpiderVersed · 10/08/2022 17:00

How revolting! You are perfectly reasonable to be bothered by this.

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:00

@brookstar Yes, i feel he is doing this, hes making out its just a fun thing every stag does and id be controlling if i didnt let him do it.

OP posts:
User354354 · 10/08/2022 17:00

Fuck that. I would be running a mile. Any grown man that does this because of peer pressure is a knob head.

Essexgalttc · 10/08/2022 17:00

OP he was probably loving it and laughing away with his mates

every post I see about a man being a pig at his stag he claims he didn’t enjoy it

dreammattemousse · 10/08/2022 17:01

He's also gaslighting you

Does he often diminish your perfectly valid feelings?

I honestly don't know how you'd ever go near him again
It's like the ick but a million times worse..
So so vile

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/08/2022 17:01

Which means he would do this sort of crap when out on other people's stag do too

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:01

He was away for 4 days and it was so hard for me but i thought i could trust him

OP posts:
brookstar · 10/08/2022 17:02

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:00

@brookstar Yes, i feel he is doing this, hes making out its just a fun thing every stag does and id be controlling if i didnt let him do it.

Not every stag does this.
Only those with no respect for their partners.

Original poster
AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 17:03

Thank you so much everyone.

OP posts:
WeyAyeMan · 10/08/2022 17:03

That's absolutely vile 🤢

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 17:03

AmiDaft · 10/08/2022 16:58

He knew how i felt from the beginning regarding it all but shrugged it off as its "just a stag do they all do that" and he wants to feel "normal"

There is nothing normal about eating fruit out of someone's body