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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU/rude/outdated to ask the sex of a baby?

116 replies

Bobby80 · 03/08/2022 11:20

Bumped into an ex work colleague who is 7ish months pregnant. She was talking about how well her pregnancy was going etc and how good she was feeling in comparison to the previous time. I asked if she knew what she was having to which she replied...

"I've always thought that's an odd question, basically asking if my child will have a penis or vagina".

I was slightly taken back/embarrassed as I hadn't intended to be rude so I apologised and explained I didn't mean to offend her. We chatted after that so she wasn't overly annoyed but obviously enough just make her point.

Reflecting on this- is it odd to ask? I have never really thought about it until now!

OP posts:
WhatTheFlap · 03/08/2022 11:22

Each to their own but I think it’s a completely normal question to ask.

CrapBag39 · 03/08/2022 11:23

Everything is offensive. To be safe just stop saying words to anyone.

Icecreamclassic · 03/08/2022 11:23

It's the first and only question when you hear of a pregnancy, isn't it? Congratulations "do you know what you're having?" or slightly less tactful but still only making conversation "are you hoping for a boy or a girl?".

I think she was rude. Manners are about making people around you feel comfortable, not embarrassing them.

Nekomata · 03/08/2022 11:23

It’s a normal question to ask. Pregnancy can make people a little weird, I think.

TeapotTitties · 03/08/2022 11:23

No, it's a completely normal question.

She sounds like an angry Mumsnetter 😂

Suprima · 03/08/2022 11:24

What a fucking weirdo

bet she’s a laugh at dinner parties

Becky6758 · 03/08/2022 11:24

She’s batshit.

Ignore her.

Nekomata · 03/08/2022 11:24

By the way, I have twins. Loads of people asked if they were conceived naturally. I think that’s a really weird question to ask!

RosieRainbow1986 · 03/08/2022 11:24

I think that's a normal question to ask!! But like a pp said...each to their own I guess!

TeapotTitties · 03/08/2022 11:24

CrapBag39 · 03/08/2022 11:23

Everything is offensive. To be safe just stop saying words to anyone.

And get accused of 'glaring'? No thanks 😄

Coyoacan · 03/08/2022 11:24

Being male or female amounts to much more than the telltale penis or vagina, and that is without getting involved in society's expectations

TalkingToMyselfAgain · 03/08/2022 11:26

Bloody hell, some people get offended by nothing at all. Asking if she was having a boy or a girl was a perfectly ordinary question to ask.

Sapphirensteel · 03/08/2022 11:26

Normal question, she was rude.
Before scans mums were often asked do you want a a girl or a boy, which was a slightly odd question as you don’t get a choice!

rnsaslkih · 03/08/2022 11:27

She was rude.

I would have told her it was a culturally normal question that shows interest in her pregnancy. And walked off.

You shouldn’t have apologised IMO. Just makes her think it’s ok to speak to people like this, which it isn’t.

CanofCant · 03/08/2022 11:31

She was really rude. I wouldn't waste your time showing any further interest in her or her pregnancy.

Original poster
Bobby80 · 03/08/2022 11:32

rnsaslkih · 03/08/2022 11:27

She was rude.

I would have told her it was a culturally normal question that shows interest in her pregnancy. And walked off.

You shouldn’t have apologised IMO. Just makes her think it’s ok to speak to people like this, which it isn’t.

I've thought of many better ways to reply now I was just taken back. Slightly relieved to know not everybody thinks it's rude.

OP posts:
CluelessHamster · 03/08/2022 11:33

It's a perfectly normal question to ask and she was the rude one not you. Silly cow! I did get a bit bored of answering the same questions many times while pregnant and especially during my third pregnancy when everyone and their dog asked if I was hoping for a little girl as I already had two boys - it made me feel a bit protective of my lovely boys and sad that people would be disappointed for me if I had a third boy - but I never felt the need to be rude about it!

girlmom21 · 03/08/2022 11:35

You should have just responded "so is that a yes or a no?"

She's the weird one.

Darkstar4855 · 03/08/2022 11:36

She was rude and I think she missed the point that nobody really cares what the sex is, it’s just a polite way of showing interest in someone’s pregnancy!

10HailMarys · 03/08/2022 11:39

It's totally normal question to ask; she's being ridiculous. It's no different from asking when the baby's due or something. It's literally just making conversation. Most people would either say 'Yes, we've been told it's a girl/boy', 'No, we wanted a surprise' or 'We do know what we're having, but we're keeping it to ourselves for now', all of which are totally normal responses. Nobody is actually thinking about the child's bits when they ask that question.

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 03/08/2022 11:40

To not acknowledge the basic reality of what sex your child is born seems a little bit anti-science to me, there are differences between the sexes, sex is real.

CowPalace · 03/08/2022 11:40

I think it’s likely she’d just been asked it fifty times in the space of a day, because everyone thinks it’s the nice, polite question to ask of a pregnant woman, and don’t allow for the fact that a pregnant woman gets its again and again and AGAIN, and the repetition can be maddening. I imagine it’s a bit like being a famous actor and everyone you meet thinking it’s terribly witty and original to greet you with a catchphrase from one of your roles.

I know that during my pregnancy there were colleagues in other departments who would say ‘Getting bigger now!’ every time I met them at a meeting or in the lift, and I wanted to snap, ‘Look, you don’t have to produce some remark about the pregnancy every time you see me! I’m also still someone you work with. We can talk about work stuff! The weather!’

SarahSissions · 03/08/2022 11:41

What else are you supposed to ask? Hows the morning sickness…oh do tell me about your swollen ankles.
shes batshit, ignore her

Ducksinthebath · 03/08/2022 11:52

Perfectly normal question and you probably just caught her on a bad day. She's probably answered that a thousand times now and had some weird reactions from people. For some reason they get so invested in what the answer is rather than just saying 'Ah, lovely' at whatever it is.

Midnightblack · 03/08/2022 12:02

She sounds batshit and rude.