AIBU/rude/outdated to ask the sex of a baby?

[Bobby80]

Bumped into an ex work colleague who is 7ish months pregnant. She was talking about how well her pregnancy was going etc and how good she was feeling in comparison to the previous time. I asked if she knew what she was having to which she replied...

"I've always thought that's an odd question, basically asking if my child will have a penis or vagina".

I was slightly taken back/embarrassed as I hadn't intended to be rude so I apologised and explained I didn't mean to offend her. We chatted after that so she wasn't overly annoyed but obviously enough just make her point.

Reflecting on this- is it odd to ask? I have never really thought about it until now!

Then she can say that. Rather than fly the "I'm so offended" flag

She's being a bit ridiculous.

I once met a friend of a friend who was pregnant (prob third trimester) and asked her when she was due. She huffed and eye rolled at me. Made me feel like shit.

Since her baby was born I haven't shown one single bit of interest, I wouldn't want to offend her

But that wasn't the question. It was "do you know what you are having"

She needs to improve her listening skills.

But anyway, it was easier when you couldn't find out in advance and so nobody could ask! I don't know when they changed the policy but when I had ds in 2002 our local hospital didn't tell people.

Then she can say that. Rather than fly the "I'm so offended" flag

She didn’t say she was ‘so offended’ she said she has always found it on odd question. She’s allowed to have an opinion and tbh I kinda see her point. Why is everyone so fixated on whether your having a boy or girl, same goes for the obsession in knowing the weight of the baby…it is all a bit weird when you think about it.

your question was normal OP, it was just making polite conversation. Bet she’s also one of those women who get upset if you don’t ask her about her pregnancy.

other peoples pregnancies are boring and not even on my radar, I find myself making polite conversation, because it’s socially expected. Then I immediately forget whatever I was told about the pregnancy. Because frankly I’m really honestly not interested at all about a work colleagues life, I just need them to send me xyz so I can complete my work and get on with my life.

It's not odd to ask at all ans certainly not rude. However I get where she's coming from. I used to get a bit fed up with people asking me whether we were having a boy or girl. We didn't want to know and in my opinion having a surprise is amazing. Even the midwives and doctors enjoyed not knowing I found! Pregnancy has become extremely controlled and medicalised which is great in many ways but I wanted to hold onto a part of it that was nature's surprise 😊

So when people used to say, do you know what you're having? In my head, I'd be thinking, here we go again and my response was a friendly (yet inwardly sarcastic), 'we're having a baby, haha, it will be a surprise.'

The problem is the majority of people do find out so there's an assumption that you're bound to know the sex of your baby. I think a sonographer told me last year that about 70/80% of people want to know.

So you're OK for asking but respect that some people may have strong views on the subject (like me) and may give you a reply you didn't expect.

Yes but these kind of questions are the cut and thrust of normal small talk surely?

Don't want to be all "top trumps" but my second baby was stillborn. I went to a one of my first social events afterwards with my regular mother & baby group from my first dc. Someone didn't know about the stillbirth and said "hang on, have you had your baby? Where is it?" Now that was an awkward question, and my first thought was to make her feel better, as she was obviously mortified. Obviously I felt upset but...

It's complete normal , you sadly found the 0.001% person whose an idiot

I always ask the sex because what the fuck else is there to say once you've said congratulations. I want to seem interested and the easiest way to seem interested is to ask questions. But what the fuck can you ask. Asking the sex is better than "Was it planned?"

She sounds like an angry Mumsnetter

That was my first thought too. Pregnancy can make you a bit batshit.

"I've always thought that's an odd question, basically asking if my child will have a penis or vagina"

I think at this point I'd have said "actually it's called small talk, I don't really give a shit, hope labour doesn't hurt too much" and left her to it!

She was rude

I am obviously in the minority here. I don't think I have ever asked any expectation mother or father whether they are expecting a boy or girl. I did not find out the sex of my child until I gave birth, because I didn't need or want to know, thus why would anybody else want to know.

Normal question.

I doubt she's ALWAYS thought it was an odd question. I expect she read it online and thought it was woke.

I was asked loads - I think people are just showing a polite interest when they ask. I was never offended.

Normal question, people usually then tell you or explain why they've chosen not to find out- surprise etc. Her response feels symptomatic of the craziness around sex and gender to be honest!

I think Delboy had the right idea 😉

Sex is unfortunately more and more being replaced by gender, lots of people say sex is irrelevant and are squeamish about the reality of sex, pretending it doesn't matter or even exist. Sounds super woke to me.

That's like asking when someone's baby is due and they get offended thinking you're asking about the conception! So pathetic

It’s just small talk. As that’s a show of interest and politeness, she needs to remove the stick from her arse 🤷🏻‍♀️

And I guarantee you that she hadn’t “always” thought it all.

Perfectly normal question. I didn’t mind answering that in the slightest. She was rude.

you asked her and she choose to answer like that its up to her. Everyone is different. Move on.

I have been asked this many times during both my pregnancies and certainly never took offence. It's a completely normal question along with "when are you due", etc.

I would have laughed at her response and said 'yes I am exactly' and waited for a reply. She could always refuse to answer of course.

It's totally normal and her response was crass and attention seeking.