AIBU/rude/outdated to ask the sex of a baby?

[Bobby80]

Bumped into an ex work colleague who is 7ish months pregnant. She was talking about how well her pregnancy was going etc and how good she was feeling in comparison to the previous time. I asked if she knew what she was having to which she replied...

"I've always thought that's an odd question, basically asking if my child will have a penis or vagina".

I was slightly taken back/embarrassed as I hadn't intended to be rude so I apologised and explained I didn't mean to offend her. We chatted after that so she wasn't overly annoyed but obviously enough just make her point.

Reflecting on this- is it odd to ask? I have never really thought about it until now!

True, but needing to know the sex of someone's baby isn't really necessary and we do need to get over that. People can be too quick to go out and buy pink and blue and cars and dolls and put children into boxes.

However, as one poster has already said asking if it's a boy or a girl or not known is really just a polite way of taking an interest in someone's pregnancy when the answer to the question is of no consequence, and a question to which no-one should take offence. The OP could have replied and said that even if it was perceived as a weird question, she was really interested to know whether the baby had a penis or a vagina.

👏 👏 👏

When will all this nonsense end?

She sounds rude and made a fool of herself. You did nothing wrong. It's a perfectly normal question. If you think how big gender reveals are now, it's nothing weird about asking.

“Oh it’s a perfectly normal question to ask, but I got a bit grumpy towards the end too. Hope all goes well, love”

I would have found it an odd question a few years ago, since I didn't find out with mine and most people didn't. But now it seems like everyone knows early on, people tell you the sex at the time they announce a pregnancy, or have the dreaded gender reveal. So I think now its a normal question.

Sounds inoffensive to me - but some people will take offence at anything.

It is not "outdated" as, back in the day, we had no way of knowing - it was a surprise!

You should have said "I really don't care whether your baby has a penis or a vagina. I was just making conversation and pretending I was interested. Good luck".

How old is she?

Remember when the answer used to be "we don't care as long as our baby is healthy"?

The very fact that she has chosen to get pregnant, may breast feed, has had periods, her body will change etc, means that the biological female experience is different. Her DD won't need a circumcision etc. The celebration around women's football and how new it all is being in television, the pay gap etc, shows that there's still a way to go, even in our society (if you are a denier of the everyday sexism). As said, she's batshit. I wonder if her DH is gender neutral. I hope that she doesn't get a nasty wake up call that there's a difference in the expectations of Mothers as opposed to Fathers.

It is a completely normal question.

You should have responded with "i don't actually give AF I was just being polite you absolute MELON".

"Remember when the answer used to be "we don't care as long as our baby is healthy"?"

As a parent of a adult child with disabilities, that pisses me off tbh. What If it isn't, are they going to give it away?

She's an idiot.

She's probably just sick of people asking. I found when I was pregnant, people didn't chat about anything but. It became quite frustrating that I'd basically been reduced to a vessel growing a baby.

I don't find asking the gender rude at all, however I had a lot of people in early pregnancy say

ooo was it planned?

Which i always found to be a weird question. What does it matter to anyone if i planned to get pregnant or not? what difference does it make to the person asking the question? Do they think i will love my child (that i obviously decided to keep) less because i didn't plan to concieve?

odd

Very odd reaction. YANBU.

Yeah 'oooh was it planned?' is fucking cheeky. What if you said 'no?' Wonder what they'd say then?!

It seemed like she deliberately wanted to make you feel uncomfortable. She probably read this sound bite on mumsnet

Either that or she gets a thrill by bellowing the words "penis" and "vagina" to unsuspecting well wishers in the street.

It's a perfectly normal question. What is not normal is people getting offended over anything. If you wouldn't have asked she probably would've sent a text saying she was offended you didn't care enough to ask about her baby 😂. Don't worry about it too much

She was rude but it was an intrusive question. Just because lots of people do it doesn’t make it less so. When someone tells you they are pregnant, congratulate them and they will reveal what they are comfortable with.

Strange response, but I don't think you should ask, as some people don't want to know until the birth.

I think an intrusive question would be something like "what position did you use to conceive" she could've answered with "we don't know or don't want to disclose the gender"

I agree 😂 I daren't speak to any pregnant women for fear of offending.

Pregnancy used to be referred to as 'being in an interesting condition' because it is fascinating and amazing what the female body is capable of, but show a bit of interest nowadays and you're liable to get your head bitten off.

Then they just reply with ' I don't know' Not take offence at a perfectly normal question.