Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why was this stranger so rude and mean to me?

117 replies

shqiptareJ · 10/07/2022 21:58

I met up with a friend today for dinner, we stopped at a pub first to have a soft drink - note my use of 'soft' to highlight the fact I wasn't drunk and misinterpreting anything.

I went upstairs to the loo and an employee said that both males and females loos were blocked but I could go to the second floor and use the disabled one.

Up on the second floor was another bar and long corridor with multiple doors but no directions to the disabled loo, there was a congregation of about 5 people all stood in a huddle at the entrance of the corridor.

I politely asked "are you guys queueing for the toilet" and one bloke replied really abruptly "obviously we fucking are, are you blind?"

I was taken aback and felt myself going red with embarrassment. I said I wasn't familiar with the pub and didn't actually know where the disabled toilet was and there was no need to be rude.

I join the huddle and stand awkwardly whilst he started moaning to another man there about people being 'stupid' and not using common sense, whilst looking me up and down.

In the heat of the moment, because i felt a bit humiliated to be honest, I asked whether he makes a habit of being so rude to people he doesn't know. His response was "don't start"

Another man comes upstairs and asks the exact same question as I did to the group "are you waiting for the toilet" to which the rude one cheerily responds something along the lines of "yes mate" or pal, whichever it was.

He obviously picks and chooses who he's going to be rude to based on gender, but why was he so rude to me?

He was with a woman who to be honest looked embarrassed by his behaviour.

It really spoiled my day.

OP posts:
GreenLeavesRustling · 10/07/2022 21:59

He was rude because he was an arse.

pinksquash13 · 10/07/2022 22:00

What a dick. Some people love to put others down go feel better about themselves

Izzadorah · 10/07/2022 22:01

Because you're a woman and he's a misogynistist prick.

RightOnTheEdge · 10/07/2022 22:01

Well I can't answer the question about why but let's hope he shit a hedgehog when he got to the toilet the rude arsehole.

saveforthat · 10/07/2022 22:02

Yes YABU to let rude strangers ruin your day. This is his problem

nbrown2022x · 10/07/2022 22:03

Izzadorah · 10/07/2022 22:01

Because you're a woman and he's a misogynistist prick.

Exactly this! My temper towards men like this would literally put me in a jail cell. Needs kicked in the balls and brought down a peg or two! Arsehole.

Incywincyspi · 10/07/2022 22:03

What an awful human being. Utter prick. Well done standing up to him . He’s obviously got massive issues- just be happy you are not like him 💐

TreePoser · 10/07/2022 22:03

I think he was trying to be the big man in front of the other man, saying something ''funny'' to make you feel stupid. Lads comaraderie.

A lot of people do feel better after having made other people feel stupid. It's not that rare.

I wouldn't bother your arse trying to figure it out any more than that though, really, he isn't a person in your life. You don't need to figure out how to handle him at work, or how to avoid falling out with mutual friends or how to avoid him smearing you to mutual acquaintances. I know life can be complicated. I know people can be dicks. NOT minimising what he said to you but it was a once off and it's done.

it was all about him and nothing to do with you. You were just there, passing. He did not look at a hundred women and decide to be a dick to you.

Please don't think it had anything to do with YOU.

CourtneeLuv · 10/07/2022 22:05

He's a cunt, but why do they have the disabled toilets on the second floor Confused should be on the ground floor.

ultraviolet4753 · 10/07/2022 22:05

I had a similar experience when I was a teenager. A miserable arse accused me of queue jumping (I wasn't), and I sat in the car in tears afterwards. I am sensitive, more so then, and I still remember it.

Costs nothing to be polite, as they say.

KissThaRain · 10/07/2022 22:06

Don’t let the actions of one person affect your day

ultraviolet4753 · 10/07/2022 22:07

CourtneeLuv · 10/07/2022 22:05

He's a cunt, but why do they have the disabled toilets on the second floor Confused should be on the ground floor.

Great point, I didn't catch that.

shqiptareJ · 10/07/2022 22:08

Thanks all

I feel silly admitting to this but I felt a bit teary which I managed to hold in until I got into the loo. I don't know if it was the embarrassment or whether I felt threatened, he probably wouldn't have done anything to me, in fact I'm sure he wouldn't, but having been through DV I'm weary of angry men.

I feel sorry for that poor woman he was with. I just hope it was an early days date and what she saw today leads her to block the bastard.

OP posts:
Floraanddougal · 10/07/2022 22:09

Does it matter? Who cares why he’s an arsehole.

StoneofDestiny · 10/07/2022 22:10

He was just an obnoxious individual who thought he'd act 'big' in front of others. You told him straight he was ignorant. Make no mistake he will have heard it even if it didn't penetrate too far into his thick skull.

Snowraingain · 10/07/2022 22:11

Idiot. Don't feel bad he is the absolute twat.

shqiptareJ · 10/07/2022 22:11

CourtneeLuv · 10/07/2022 22:05

He's a cunt, but why do they have the disabled toilets on the second floor Confused should be on the ground floor.

I wondered the same. I've NC so don't mind saying but it was wetherspoons in Greenwich is anybody here is familiar with the layout.

OP posts:
BeautifulWar · 10/07/2022 22:12

What a dick. Some people love to put others down go feel better about themselves

Definitely this. Often it's triggered by something that they feel inadequate or frustrated by about themselves.

Georgeskitchen · 10/07/2022 22:14

He won't say it to a bloke because he might end up with a broken nose. Only picks on women

FlissyPaps · 10/07/2022 22:14

I feel silly admitting to this but I felt a bit teary which I managed to hold in until I got into the loo

Don’t feel silly OP. I’m a quiet and sometimes sensitive soul so I probably would have felt teary too. Angry first, then teary.

In situations like these, killing with kindness is probably the best bet. Give them your biggest smile and a big “Thank you very much”. It will confuse them, hopefully make them feel a bit stupid.

I can guarantee this man was probably a few years older than you too? Older misogynists love speaking down to women who are younger than them. Makes them feel powerful.

Shake it off and know that he’s probably a miserable and impatient cunt. You’ll not be the first woman he’s spoken to like that. & you won’t be the last.

Ohhhhladz · 10/07/2022 22:14

I think it's telling that he immediately launched into "don't start!" as soon as you said the word "rude". He obviously gets told what he is a lot. If the women with him was his girlfriend/partner/wife, I hope you helped inspire her to do a Lysistrata.

TreePoser · 10/07/2022 22:15

next time, try killing that type with kindness,

Oh, are you ok, you must be BURSTING FOR A WEE YOU POOR THING
Were you worried I'd queue jump?
I wouldn't dream of it chicken
Just getting the lay of the land here
As you're ahead of me in the queue, can I ask you to be quick though
Keep things moving

checkingout · 10/07/2022 22:26

I think some people are used to bullying others and it comes naturally. My question is did the person he was with say something? I'm guessing no because people are used to looking the other way. It's so much easier, isn't it?

onlythreenow · 10/07/2022 22:31

He was an arse, but honestly you need to stop thinking about it. If that is the most rude and mean thing anyone has ever said to you then you've had a pretty sheltered life. It's pointless trying to work out why people say/do things.

Wombat100 · 10/07/2022 22:34

I’m shocked none of the other twats standing with him told him what a prick he was being! They’re just as bad in my opinion.

Swipe left for the next trending thread