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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why was this stranger so rude and mean to me?

117 replies

shqiptareJ · 10/07/2022 21:58

I met up with a friend today for dinner, we stopped at a pub first to have a soft drink - note my use of 'soft' to highlight the fact I wasn't drunk and misinterpreting anything.

I went upstairs to the loo and an employee said that both males and females loos were blocked but I could go to the second floor and use the disabled one.

Up on the second floor was another bar and long corridor with multiple doors but no directions to the disabled loo, there was a congregation of about 5 people all stood in a huddle at the entrance of the corridor.

I politely asked "are you guys queueing for the toilet" and one bloke replied really abruptly "obviously we fucking are, are you blind?"

I was taken aback and felt myself going red with embarrassment. I said I wasn't familiar with the pub and didn't actually know where the disabled toilet was and there was no need to be rude.

I join the huddle and stand awkwardly whilst he started moaning to another man there about people being 'stupid' and not using common sense, whilst looking me up and down.

In the heat of the moment, because i felt a bit humiliated to be honest, I asked whether he makes a habit of being so rude to people he doesn't know. His response was "don't start"

Another man comes upstairs and asks the exact same question as I did to the group "are you waiting for the toilet" to which the rude one cheerily responds something along the lines of "yes mate" or pal, whichever it was.

He obviously picks and chooses who he's going to be rude to based on gender, but why was he so rude to me?

He was with a woman who to be honest looked embarrassed by his behaviour.

It really spoiled my day.

OP posts:
AchatAVendre · 11/07/2022 00:16

Why? He's looking for a fight, feeling aggressive, but too "careful" to pick on a man. Good for you for questioning him. Dreadful of the other people in the queue not to say anything and to look the other way. At least you only had to endure his presence for 5 minutes. Imagine being the woman that was with him, or even worse, he himself and his unfortunate personality which will trip him up one day.

Applesonstairs · 11/07/2022 00:29

Sorry to derail but who puts the disabled looon the second floor!

rnsaslkih · 11/07/2022 00:31

He wanted to be a rude prick and you were an available, non threatening target. Forget him. And thank God you aren’t the woman with him/living with him. What a bully he must be.

JemimaPuddlegoose · 11/07/2022 00:35

Oh, are you ok, you must be BURSTING FOR A WEE YOU POOR THING

Personally I'd make a passive aggressive comment about older men and prostate trouble, but I'm a dick.

Wheresthebeach · 11/07/2022 00:36

Misogyny is on the rise, and men are getting away with more and more abusive behaviour. He’s a total dick.

Sashimiandhisthunderpaws · 11/07/2022 00:45

It was him not you. Maybe because you're a younger woman, obviously foreign (username). He took a dislike and wanted to be rude.

FWIW that is a rough pub and there are better in Greenwich. Cutty Sark, Gypsy Moth, Ashburnham and Pelton to name some.

sleezeandwineparty · 11/07/2022 00:52

Honestly well done for calling him out and he is a arse and I expect his friends are reevaluating him following this.

heartlock · 11/07/2022 01:31

bullies pick on the weak.
He knew a bloke could give him a fat lip or answer back so picked on a woman.

It says alot about him than anything to do with u so forget about it.

heartlock · 11/07/2022 01:37

I had a similar issue with a cyclist. He was coming out of a side road and I even stopped to let him through.
But still he says "you fucking impatient bitch"

I repeat I was letting him through!
Anyway I didn't let it get to me as I have a bf, a job and a fulfilling life whereas he is beneath me in every way i.e a failed loser on a bike

BirdWatch · 11/07/2022 01:49

He was unreasonable, and the disabled toilet being up stairs and no signs showing where it is, is also unreasonable. (unless there was a lift).

Itsonlyabiscuit · 11/07/2022 03:22

This would have really upset me too. I wish you could report unpleasant people to the police. I'd have 999'd him for being so horrible!
The rawness will pass. I'm so sorry this happened.

Léighméleabhair · 11/07/2022 09:28

Sorry this upset you so much. Some men are twats and Weatherspoons seems to attract those chavvy types so I tend to avoid them when in the UK.

Hopefully as you get older, you’ll learn to inwardly eye roll when you encounter a smart arse prick and not take their pathetic nonsense personally.

I’m a lot older than you and I’d have probably ignored him and spoken to the young woman. I hate seeing young women wasting their lives on men who don’t deserve them. ☹️

Applesonstairs · 11/07/2022 09:47

@heartlock thats a massive myth and puts the blame on the victim. Just no.

LittleMG · 11/07/2022 09:51

Hang on who are the 5% of people who think yabu?!?!

Theoneinthemiddle · 11/07/2022 09:56

It’s not you, it’s him. Ignore other people’s bad behaviour and don’t internalise it.

OldTinHat · 11/07/2022 10:07

He's just bloody nasty so don't waste another moment giving him headspace.

I was in a (very long) queue for the ladies at a shopping centre recently. This bloke swanned past us to go to the gents making a big thing of laughing and pointing at us all, aren't we pathetic having to queue. He came out of the gents a minute later laughing at us again - I said very loudly that he obviously has a tiny dick as his urine only took a second to come out. Cue about 20 women howling with laughter at him! Gotta play them at their own game!

RudsyFarmer · 11/07/2022 10:11

I’m not sure I’d have been able to stop myself asking the cunt why he wasn’t rude to the man who just asked exactly the same question?

DoctorManhattan · 11/07/2022 10:15

It’s been well said here already, but this is 100% his issue and not yours. Some people are just cunts and unfortunately the rest of us do have to put up with the annoyance and sometimes the emotions of dealing with them, but can at least take solace in the fact that we won’t end up being such a miserable human.

I totally agree that if you were a man the comment wouldn’t have been made. It grinds my gears that some men behave like that, it’s really just bullying when you break it down and I despise bullies like nothing else. I witnessed a loosely similar thing a few years back when I was a barman but predictably the arsehole who made the comment suddenly backtracked when I stood between him and the waitress in question and gave him my view on his behaviour.

LilacRose30 · 11/07/2022 10:16

Sorry for your experience OP. He sounds like an absolute toss pot. Probably one of those “I tell it like it is” people! Move on and well done for saying something back to him!

SummerWinterSummerWinter · 11/07/2022 10:16

He's a horrible dickhead but WELL DONE YOU for calling him out on being rude!!!

I wouldn't have managed that, you did well to stand up to him and point out his behaviour.

Loics · 11/07/2022 10:16

As many have said, it sounds like he picks on women as an easy target, sounds like he was too scared to be rude to another man.
I had a man start beeping and flashing his lights at me in the car, he clearly thought I was alone as pulled up beside me, DP was furious (I hadn't done anything wrong, although would still be a disproportionate response if I had) and opened the passenger door, he sped away as soon as he saw DP. 🙄

Headbandheart · 11/07/2022 10:21

This happens. It’s upsetting

I had a random encounter at a car hand wash centre the other day. The owner I think. He was rude without even speaking to me or letting me speak. I had spoken with one of his workers at the entrance and I was told it would be 30 mins wait, said ok, I’d wait then and where should I park to be out their way, guy said it would be 30 mins wait and said to go home. I explained very cheerily that I was away form home and take me longer to drive home and back again and that I’d just wait then , where could I park? He then just walked off. He then said something to the other guy who came over and angrily gestures at me and then proceeds to give a push on the front of my car in a gesture to back my car out and then slams the gate shut.🤷🏼‍♀️. It was very threatening, and I don’t know what the hell I did that was so wrong. If they don’t want people waiting why did they say it was a 30 min “wait” .

as I turned my car another driver pulled up and he was allowed in.

i just don’t understand why he as so rude, and more upsettingly so bloody angry at me. I am at a loss. I was upset at the time by the unexpected shock of it.

blueshoes · 11/07/2022 10:21

OldTinHat · 11/07/2022 10:07

He's just bloody nasty so don't waste another moment giving him headspace.

I was in a (very long) queue for the ladies at a shopping centre recently. This bloke swanned past us to go to the gents making a big thing of laughing and pointing at us all, aren't we pathetic having to queue. He came out of the gents a minute later laughing at us again - I said very loudly that he obviously has a tiny dick as his urine only took a second to come out. Cue about 20 women howling with laughter at him! Gotta play them at their own game!

I am howling with laughter too!

Musti · 11/07/2022 10:23

Headbandheart · 11/07/2022 10:21

This happens. It’s upsetting

I had a random encounter at a car hand wash centre the other day. The owner I think. He was rude without even speaking to me or letting me speak. I had spoken with one of his workers at the entrance and I was told it would be 30 mins wait, said ok, I’d wait then and where should I park to be out their way, guy said it would be 30 mins wait and said to go home. I explained very cheerily that I was away form home and take me longer to drive home and back again and that I’d just wait then , where could I park? He then just walked off. He then said something to the other guy who came over and angrily gestures at me and then proceeds to give a push on the front of my car in a gesture to back my car out and then slams the gate shut.🤷🏼‍♀️. It was very threatening, and I don’t know what the hell I did that was so wrong. If they don’t want people waiting why did they say it was a 30 min “wait” .

as I turned my car another driver pulled up and he was allowed in.

i just don’t understand why he as so rude, and more upsettingly so bloody angry at me. I am at a loss. I was upset at the time by the unexpected shock of it.

Put it on the local social media page

Cadot · 11/07/2022 10:23

He must have a lot of anger and disappointment in his life to behave like that. Maybe that's the way his father used to speak to him. Maybe something made him feel really small and powerless that day and this was his way of trying to recover himself. When people behave this way, I try to imagine why they might do that and then I feel sorry for them.

I am sure you are a kind person who probably brightened up a stranger's day today with a smile. :-) Keep smiling OP.