Why was this stranger so rude and mean to me?

[shqiptareJ]

I met up with a friend today for dinner, we stopped at a pub first to have a soft drink - note my use of 'soft' to highlight the fact I wasn't drunk and misinterpreting anything.

I went upstairs to the loo and an employee said that both males and females loos were blocked but I could go to the second floor and use the disabled one.

Up on the second floor was another bar and long corridor with multiple doors but no directions to the disabled loo, there was a congregation of about 5 people all stood in a huddle at the entrance of the corridor.

I politely asked "are you guys queueing for the toilet" and one bloke replied really abruptly "obviously we fucking are, are you blind?"

I was taken aback and felt myself going red with embarrassment. I said I wasn't familiar with the pub and didn't actually know where the disabled toilet was and there was no need to be rude.

I join the huddle and stand awkwardly whilst he started moaning to another man there about people being 'stupid' and not using common sense, whilst looking me up and down.

In the heat of the moment, because i felt a bit humiliated to be honest, I asked whether he makes a habit of being so rude to people he doesn't know. His response was "don't start"

Another man comes upstairs and asks the exact same question as I did to the group "are you waiting for the toilet" to which the rude one cheerily responds something along the lines of "yes mate" or pal, whichever it was.

He obviously picks and chooses who he's going to be rude to based on gender, but why was he so rude to me?

He was with a woman who to be honest looked embarrassed by his behaviour.

It really spoiled my day.

I agree with this. You will get a better 'type' of man, not just the culprit but the other so-called men in the queue, in another pub. They are beyond redemption.

Hope you are feeling better today.

What a horrible person!

Perhaps he thought it was obvious he had to use the facilities as his response shows he quite clearly had something shoved up his arse!

Needless to say, he was a dick to you. And a dick in general, it sounds like.

I hope you're having a nicer day today

"Who pissed on your chips, sunshine?" with a laugh is my usual reply to this kind of sad character. They're not worth any headspace.

What a complete and utter arsehole, as others have said don't let it ruin your day

Just being a knob. It happens.

Haven't read through anyone else's reply so I'm sure I'm repeating, but it was because you are female, end of. There is no way he would have spoken to the guy like that because he knows he would have got his head kicked in. When this sort of thing happens to me (usually driving related as I live in London and there is a lot of road rage), I actually say this to them, that they are bullies and cowards because they wouldn't have dared speak to me like that if I was a man or had a man with me. I just won't put up with this crap anymore.

Well they’ve lost a customer, haven’t they?

It was actually a drive-thru drug dealer and they have to deter anyone who actually wants their car washed maybe?!

He's a wanker. Forget it.

I do a lot of urban driving, and specifically make a point to buy a typically "masculine" looking car, in a dark colour, so that people assume I'm a male driver.
When I was younger, and pootling around in my tiny sky-blue Ford Ka, I'd get an awful lot of tail-gating and aggressive driving.

1. He was a dick

1. Why is the disabled toilet on the second floor?

These threads kill me - the 5% who believe OP was being unreasonable

My parents (in their 80s) have got themselves into a massive mess financially. They have always been selfish & have been doing this all their lives. One loan after another, bailiffs at the door etc. No money for food, electricity etc as I was growing up. I’ve told them they need to sell the family home, downsize and live comfortably. They could afford to do this if they would sell. They refuse to do this and keep asking to borrow money from me and DH and taking out loans, one after another.

A few weeks ago my mom calls me saying their home is being repossessed and they needed money urgently for a solicitor. She asked to borrow money and I agreed but told her it had to be repaid 1 week later as it was a hard month for us, taxes to be paid, balance of holiday etc. she agreed and said they were selling one of their cars and would repay it a couple of days later but needed it that day.

A week came and went. Heard nothing. So I called asked how things were & could we have our money back. She was furious! Said I had a cheek asking and that she wants the money they gave me for my university fees back and that I owe them. I went to university 25 years ago! They paid 1 year of my tuition fees only, I worked and got a loan as well to pay the rest.

They are now not speaking to me. I am upset about the whole situation. They sold the car. What would you do?

You should have said yes when he asked if you're blind. That would have shut him up quick

You were the reasonable one, he was unreasonable.

However YABU to let it bother you. Start practising a taken back and mildly amused ‘somebody got out of bed the wrong side today’ expression, (similar to the one we’d give an adult above a small child’s head) for situations like this.

You need to make a thread on the main page, instead of posting in the comments to a different question.

In answer though - I’m sorry your parents are in such a horrible situation, and that they’re being awful to you.

I don’t think you can expect to see the money you gave them ever again.

As for repaying your 1st year fees - this is just not on. However, do you want to maintain a relationship with them? If so, pay them the money (what were the fees for one year, 25 years ago? 1500? minus whatever you have already lent/given them up until now) but never give them anything else again. Homemade mint creams for Christmas and that’s it, forever more. If they question it, tell them you can no longer afford gifts for them.

Unfortunately I doubt 1 year of student fees in 1997 is going to save their house. They will have to have their home repossessed, and either get something cheaper with anything that they have left, or rely on welfare. They are going to have to reap what they have sown.

The "accesible toilet" was on the 2nd floor? How bizarre! Presumably the premises has a lift.