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AIBU?

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Original poster

Inappropriate messages to colleague

147 replies

effinghellg · 30/06/2022 01:07

I've just woken up, was drinking last night. Have a colleague I work with in my part time job who I am definitely attracted to but he is quite a bit younger than me and has a girlfriend and I've never mixed business with pleasure (assuming I even could).

I had a lot of drinks last night and ended up messaging him. I am actually mortified, I can't go into the messages but I remember sending him some really inappropriate ones over several different social medias. WhatsApp was more professional messages but on Facebook I sent him a more inappropriate one in which he responded, 'I don't know what you mean'.

I haven't been able to fully go into the messages due to fear but I am absolutely mortified, I don't know how to style this out or how I'll even show my face again. The poor guy. I feel horrendous. I honestly don't know what to do other than quit.

Should I quit??

OP posts:
Youcansaythatagainandagain · 30/06/2022 01:15

Do you want to quit?
Will he report you to HR or will his girlfriend report you for inappropriate/lewd? messages?

Depending on how bad they are and how you obtained his phone number, I would think this was a sackable offence.

I’d ask him to meet you for a coffee and I’d apologise. Profusely. Say you were very unwell, had a soaring temperature, mixed alcohol with medication…. whatever it takes… and ask him to delete the messages. If you can trust him not to show other people you know in common, this might work?

I feel for you as we can all do silly things when drunk. Delete his details from your phone and maybe reconsider drinking so much that you compromise your job.

MissStarry · 30/06/2022 01:20

Aw op I feel for you 😂

Hawkins001 · 30/06/2022 01:20

All the best and positivity op

snowsea · 30/06/2022 01:22

Have a look at what you sent. Is there any way you could apologise profusely and say they were meant for someone else?
Otherwise apologise profusely anyway, as youcansay said.

Try that before considering quitting.

VaggieMight · 30/06/2022 01:26

Can you just say you thought you were messaging someone else?

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 30/06/2022 01:27

I’d be apologising.

Unless he is an absolute stand up gentleman, your messages may have already done the rounds. If they are out there on social media? You’ve probably had it.

Would I quit a job over it? Depends on what you wrote. And also his reaction to your apology.

I think a lot of us will have been pillocks with the drink at times. This is just the indelible version of a drunken phone call.

Original poster
effinghellg · 30/06/2022 01:27

Okay I've looked so one on WhatsApp was along the lines of -

Me - struggling to keep up with this rota. Are we in together Friday?x

Him - yeah it's confusing as it keeps changing but yeah in with you on Friday x

Me - good news xx

He liked the message. Cringe so much.

Then the other message on Facebook I sent him doesn't make any sense -

Me - I feel like I have offended you

Him - what do you mean?

Also have a feeling that I was liking all his pics etc on social media but can't bear to look.

OP posts:
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 30/06/2022 01:35

You are worrying over nowt.

I thought you’d sent something mentioning unmentionables.

If it is the kisses? Don’t sweat it.

I’ve had a colleague say “night then, love you” on the end of a work call. Means nowt. You laugh and move on.

I honestly thought you were going to say you’d sook him inside oot or similar 🤷🏻‍♀️

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 30/06/2022 01:35

Oh OP that’s nothing.
I wouldn’t be embarrassed about them at all. Ignore my previous post. I presumed you’d sent really sexual messages and even photos of yourself to him!!

You are fine and you will be absolutely fine. No need to apologise at all. Relax!!!

snowsea · 30/06/2022 01:44

That's not so bad! No need to worry and I hope you can get back to sleep now.

P205 · 30/06/2022 01:47

They’re a bit embarrassing but I’ve seen much much worse. Just act like nothing happened and be more professional from now on.

Bibonelove · 30/06/2022 01:48

I dont think youve got anything tto be embarrased about , youll feel better after a good sleep

Mellowyellow222 · 30/06/2022 02:07

Not too bad at all.

it will be okay.

We all get pissed form time to time - but try not to let this happen again. It’s not worth the angst

Mulhollandmagoo · 30/06/2022 02:31

If that's all you put, then honestly don't worry about it! That's nothing inappropriate

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 30/06/2022 03:03

If that’s all it is, you’re overthinking it. There is nothing damaging in those messages.

I hope the people saying this was ‘probably a sackable offence’ and ‘you’ve had it’ are now feeling a little bit silly.

waveyourpompoms · 30/06/2022 03:39

The messages themselves are relatively tame. You shouldn’t be using kisses to text male colleagues though (especially ones in a relationship); that’s hugely inappropriate and unprofessional to boot.

You should also not be drinking to the point of getting in these predicaments.

Original poster
effinghellg · 30/06/2022 03:53

Do I acknowledge the messages today ?

OP posts:
Original poster
effinghellg · 30/06/2022 03:54

For instance the 'I offended you' one what the hell do I say

OP posts:
heidbuttsupper · 30/06/2022 03:59

Aw @effinghellg these are nothing! The Whats App ones are totally fine, work related. The FB, can you say you meant it for someone else? If not, you can say you thought you said something the other day to offend him or something like that. Honestly though, nothing to worry about. Hope your hangovers not too bad

RenegadeMatron · 30/06/2022 04:03

They’re not the bad - really.

But you do really need to back off now. Give him his space. Be cordial and professional, and that is IT.

LMCOA · 30/06/2022 04:04

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 30/06/2022 03:03

If that’s all it is, you’re overthinking it. There is nothing damaging in those messages.

I hope the people saying this was ‘probably a sackable offence’ and ‘you’ve had it’ are now feeling a little bit silly.

Nobody needs to feel silly about anything.

People were responding with the understanding that OP had sent extremely inappropriate messages to this guy.

GallbladderWoes · 30/06/2022 04:05

effinghellg · 30/06/2022 03:54

For instance the 'I offended you' one what the hell do I say

Can you claim that message wasn't meant for him?

LMCOA · 30/06/2022 04:05

waveyourpompoms · 30/06/2022 03:39

The messages themselves are relatively tame. You shouldn’t be using kisses to text male colleagues though (especially ones in a relationship); that’s hugely inappropriate and unprofessional to boot.

You should also not be drinking to the point of getting in these predicaments.

Can you use kisses to text female colleagues???????

Rosewaterblossom · 30/06/2022 04:08

The fb one I'd just saying "sorry about that, I had a few too many and not even I know what I was on about..?" And then move on.

WhiteTeaNoSugar · 30/06/2022 04:08

They ‘re not too bad. Apologise, say you’d had a bit much to drink then if it’s easier to make it look like you didn’t single him out say you realised the next day you’d messaged (maybe 10, or a lot) of people silly things.