Inappropriate messages to colleague

[effinghellg]

I've just woken up, was drinking last night. Have a colleague I work with in my part time job who I am definitely attracted to but he is quite a bit younger than me and has a girlfriend and I've never mixed business with pleasure (assuming I even could).

I had a lot of drinks last night and ended up messaging him. I am actually mortified, I can't go into the messages but I remember sending him some really inappropriate ones over several different social medias. WhatsApp was more professional messages but on Facebook I sent him a more inappropriate one in which he responded, 'I don't know what you mean'.

I haven't been able to fully go into the messages due to fear but I am absolutely mortified, I don't know how to style this out or how I'll even show my face again. The poor guy. I feel horrendous. I honestly don't know what to do other than quit.

Should I quit??

Oh OP they’re really not too bad! A bit embarrassing yes, but the way you first explained it I thought you’d sent him something along the lines of an essay length description of your sexual fantasies.

Apologise, tell him you had no idea what you were going on about and move on.

Great tip for future, if you have an iPhone there’s something on settings called screen time, it blocks access to all apps after a certain time you can pick, and then you pick which ones you want to have access to. Might be good to set up before you drink, and block your access to WhatsApp etc!

If you were liking his pics on Facebook you can unlike them, then the evidence is gone.

About the one asking him if you’ve offended him, I’d just say - oops I have no idea what I was on about, I’d had one too many!

I think you’re overthinking this OP. You do need to deal with you having the hots for him though if you’ve got to work together.

Ah they're not bad really. You could either just apologise and say you'd had a few and you've no idea what you were on about ot just apologise and say they were meant for someone else. Doubt he'll give those messages much thought.

When I saw your first message I thought you had sent something way out of line. Cannot see much of an issue here. Just say your typing was a bit out after a hard day and leave it at that.

They’re not so bad. You can say the second one was sent to wrong person. Apologise for the confusion and leave it at that.

'I'm so so sorry, had a few tipples and got you (work mark) mixed up with a friend (also mark). See you at work :)'

They weren't even bad. And I use kisses to most of my colleagues tbh. It's basically a full stop at this point.

If they were bad I would 100% quit. He responded so I wouldn't do a thing. I'd actually go in and act like I didn't even remember. I've done things like this many times and eventually it all gets forgotten about, even by you.

Yup this.

Phew they arent that bad and should not get you in trouble.

Agree with others, laugh it off and say you were drunk and sending people messages.

Okay I think lll just send him a breezy message later saying wrong person sorry too much wine lol

Exactly! Then stop stressing! It's all fine.

I recommend full fat coke and loads of carbs for the hangover.

Perfect message. Don't overthink or go into detail.

@tomatopsste thank you. Two cans of full fat coke waiting in the fridge for me - always prepared 🤣 and carbs are the plan today. I didn't eat a morsel of food yesterday except a cup of tea so I'm hungry today...so food is on the agenda when I can drag myself out of bed.

I for one am in the habit of adding 'xx' to my messages - whilst I always try and avoid it when texting colleagues, etc, it happens - my husband and his workmate have a long-running joke between them of it because his mate sent him kisses. I have had customers add 'x' to E-mails to me previously, because its an habit.

You didn't tell him you wanted to ride him, you didn't ask him to come over - don't sweat it.

Gosh I was expecting much worse from the way your opening post read!! You’ve nothing much to worry about judging by those messages, altho I can see why you’re embarrassed.

The Facebook one "Sorry that was meant for someone else!"
Then leave it.You are fine.Really...the WhatsApp messages are fine.
So glad social media wasn't around when I was younger.I'd have sent much worse.

The messages really aren't that bad.

Just apologise and say you'd had a few.

If you start saying a message was 'meant for someone else' you may well look like a liar, which also isn't a good look.

They aren't bad I thought it would be sexual messages 🤣

I would be very honest to him: "My deepest apologies but I got really drunk last night and started messaging people without really thinking. This morning I read the messages and I feel extremely embarrassed. Please forgive me. It won't happen again".

No big deal. We're all human.

I'm not sure what being a stand up gentleman has got to do anything.

I went through something similar at work from a male colleague. I assure you I did not keep quiet about what the dirty creep had said and done and I'm glad I didn't as it turned out he'd done the same to another colleague also, so I was very pleased I spoke out.

There are implied boundaries with work colleagues and they were massively crossed, as has possibly happened in this instance too.

I think OP needs to read the messages to see just how inappropriate they were and decide whats best based on how out there they were, not try to use drunkeness as an excuse for harrasing a sexyally harrasing a colleague at that could make matters worse, than being profusely sorry. Also delete any contact details for this colleague and possibly all social media too, if she can't be trusted when drunk.

@DaniCalifornication I did not sexually harass him.

@DaniCalifornication why don't you filter the OPS comments and read them? Would've saved you a lot of time, typing all that irrelevant nonsense out!

Say the messages were meant for somebody else

Chill out those messages don't seem bad. Just say the offended one was for someone else.

You should take full responsibility for your actions. Don't try to pretend you don't remember, or make light of it, oh I was so drunk hehehe.

Apologise profusely. Say that it was unacceptable for you to send those messages and being drunk was no excuse and it will never happen again.

And accept whatever consequences there may be. eg him reporting you to HR.