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Original poster

Inappropriate messages to colleague

147 replies

effinghellg · 30/06/2022 01:07

I've just woken up, was drinking last night. Have a colleague I work with in my part time job who I am definitely attracted to but he is quite a bit younger than me and has a girlfriend and I've never mixed business with pleasure (assuming I even could).

I had a lot of drinks last night and ended up messaging him. I am actually mortified, I can't go into the messages but I remember sending him some really inappropriate ones over several different social medias. WhatsApp was more professional messages but on Facebook I sent him a more inappropriate one in which he responded, 'I don't know what you mean'.

I haven't been able to fully go into the messages due to fear but I am absolutely mortified, I don't know how to style this out or how I'll even show my face again. The poor guy. I feel horrendous. I honestly don't know what to do other than quit.

Should I quit??

OP posts:
Pikafuckingwho · 30/06/2022 07:00

WhatsApp one absolutely fine.

i would pre-empt it with a WhatsApp this Morning at a more reasonable time.

God I don’t know why I messaged you last night, but I was having a semi row with a mate and somehow managed to rope you into it 😂 shouldn’t drink in the week.

then follow up with Good News WTF and laugh it off

Suzi888 · 30/06/2022 07:04

Rosewaterblossom · 30/06/2022 04:08

The fb one I'd just saying "sorry about that, I had a few too many and not even I know what I was on about..?" And then move on.

^ Definitely this. It’s nothing really, I doubt he will mention it.

Stay off sm when you are having a few drinks lol.

collieresponder88 · 30/06/2022 07:05

effinghellg · 30/06/2022 03:54

For instance the 'I offended you' one what the hell do I say

Say you had hd a few drinks and weee messaging a friend at the say time and they got mixed up. Say sorry and move on. Stay out his way a bit !

Shitscared123 · 30/06/2022 07:15

Are there other messages you haven’t shared here? If not, you are being very dramatic over nothing. Your initial post was misleading.

waterrat · 30/06/2022 07:20

OP - deep breath and be glad it wasn't worse. We have all (most of us) been there or in similar situations of being really mortified by drunken behaviour

I think you need to style out the F-book 'offended' message by saying you meant it for someone else - say gosh so embarrasing I was a bit drunk having an argument with a mate on facebook and got muddled after whatsapping you.

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 30/06/2022 07:26

You're worrying about nothing with the messages. Your drinking on the other hand, is more of a concern. Do you often get so hammered on a work night, that you don't know or remember what you are doing?

EarringsandLipstick · 30/06/2022 07:30

Pikafuckingwho · 30/06/2022 07:00

WhatsApp one absolutely fine.

i would pre-empt it with a WhatsApp this Morning at a more reasonable time.

God I don’t know why I messaged you last night, but I was having a semi row with a mate and somehow managed to rope you into it 😂 shouldn’t drink in the week.

then follow up with Good News WTF and laugh it off

God don't do this. That sounds worse that the message (which was v innocuous & you are over-thinking it, probably because you fancy him)

RedHelenB · 30/06/2022 07:30

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 30/06/2022 03:03

If that’s all it is, you’re overthinking it. There is nothing damaging in those messages.

I hope the people saying this was ‘probably a sackable offence’ and ‘you’ve had it’ are now feeling a little bit silly.

Why would they? The OP has been a right drama llama over this , from the post your expect her to have said I fancy the pants off you at the very least.

Merryoldgoat · 30/06/2022 07:32

If that’s all you sent then you have zero to worry about.

CandidClarisse · 30/06/2022 07:33

The messages are really not bad at all! You made out like you'd sent pics of your boobs or something lol

I'd back off and leave him alone a bit, if he asks why you thought he offended you, just say you were a bit drunk and it was meant for somebody else and you felt too daft to say.

Honestly don't quit, just carry on, back off and be cool

springbreak22 · 30/06/2022 07:33

'Do you often get so hammered on a work night'

How do you know they are working today Hmm

girlmom21 · 30/06/2022 07:35

Those messages are an anti-climax if ever I've seen one! Just apologise when you see him next for being weird.

SoupDragon · 30/06/2022 07:35

No one is going to believe it was meant "for a friend". Just apologise for messaging and say you'd had a few too many. No need to lie.

EllaPaella · 30/06/2022 07:36

You have some serious beer fear going on OP. The messages are nothing to worry about.

LisaSimpson77 · 30/06/2022 07:38

Ok the WhatsApp one is completely fine, just a normal exchange which you're paranoid about because you like him.

The Facebook one is slightly odder but looks like you could get away with it by claiming you sent it to the wrong person.

He may well know now that you like him but just keep your distance, don't start offering long apologies and explanations just be polite and professional when you see him and this should blow over.

Your feelings for him are making this seem much worse than it is.

ChagSameachDoreen · 30/06/2022 07:38

Huh? From your first post, I thought you'd sent him photos of your fanny or something.

Calm down!

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 30/06/2022 07:39

Yeah, just apologise - "I was drunk, that was totally inappropriate- I'm so sorry" and then leave it. Don't push him to meet up, push him for a response or over-apologise as that becomes more about you salving your own guilt, than making amends with the person. Just make one clear simple apology and hope you can just move on.

NortieTortie · 30/06/2022 07:39

You're fine. Super easy to laugh those off with a, 'sorry, had a few too many, no idea what this was on about 😂'

Hope your head feels OK today!

Zazdar · 30/06/2022 07:40

You have some serious beer fear going on OP. The messages are nothing to worry about

Until the colleague’s girlfriend finds them, comes on MN and is urged to trust her spidey senses and LTB.

Original poster
effinghellg · 30/06/2022 07:41

springbreak22 · 30/06/2022 07:33

'Do you often get so hammered on a work night'

How do you know they are working today Hmm

Yeah I'm actually on annual leave not back at work till next week 🤣

OP posts:
AllyCatTown · 30/06/2022 07:46

I’d just say sorry about the offended one and say it was meant for someone else. Say your phone was playing up.

Nothing there would get HR involved I think. Even though liking pics is cringey it’s not so bad although depending on how old they are - like if you liked pics of him on the beach from years ago it’s pretty obvious you were looking into his profile but like others I was thinking you’d written sexual messages. If it’s recent pics then that’s not so bad.

HaggisBurger · 30/06/2022 07:55

Don’t say your phone was “playing up”. Unless he’s a moron he knows phones don’t send random FB messages.

Personally, I’d say nothing unless he brings it up. And then just say “few too many last night. No clue what I was on about. Sorry about that!” But don’t then try & keep any convo going on any platform.

Zippy1510 · 30/06/2022 07:56

Say the offended one was meant for someone else and you clicked the wrong person as you were also messaging them. Then say you should remember not to drink and go on social
media!

Beamur · 30/06/2022 07:58

You're overthinking this.
None of what you said is bad.
Don't apologise, that will make you look like a loon. Don't try and say you were messaging someone else either.
I doubt he'll be worrying that you're about to pounce on him.
If it comes up in conversation, laugh it off, you'd had a couple of drinks and should have stayed off social media. Sorry if you came across a bit unhinged! End of.

Snoken · 30/06/2022 08:08

I don't think your messages are that bad, although I wouldn't have liked getting messages with X from a male, older and potentially more senior colleague unless we were really close. Do you manage him, or are you on the same level within the organisation? You need to be super careful you don't overstep boudaries in this situation, as he is most likely not interested given he has a girlfriend.