Inappropriate messages to colleague

[effinghellg]

I've just woken up, was drinking last night. Have a colleague I work with in my part time job who I am definitely attracted to but he is quite a bit younger than me and has a girlfriend and I've never mixed business with pleasure (assuming I even could).

I had a lot of drinks last night and ended up messaging him. I am actually mortified, I can't go into the messages but I remember sending him some really inappropriate ones over several different social medias. WhatsApp was more professional messages but on Facebook I sent him a more inappropriate one in which he responded, 'I don't know what you mean'.

I haven't been able to fully go into the messages due to fear but I am absolutely mortified, I don't know how to style this out or how I'll even show my face again. The poor guy. I feel horrendous. I honestly don't know what to do other than quit.

Should I quit??

Hows your drinking generally?

I really don't think he will report me to HR. It's a very relaxed work environment. Loads of nights out where people drink way more than they should.

Is that it? I thought you were going to say you wanted to ride him like a rodeo bull in the stationery cupboard!

Not too bad at all OP. You certainly don't need to consider quitting! I thought the messages would be very sexual. You don't need to apologise or say anything although you could say lightheartedly that you were a bit tipsy last night and the Facebook message about offending him was meant for someone else.

This ^^

🤣

ok, competely ignore that. I'm apparently too dim to read all your posts!

I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to apologise and tell him the offended one was for someone else. No one ever believed that and lying about it will make him think it meant something you now regret.
Don't mention it unless he asks. If he asks laugh and say 'Sorry, I've no idea! I must have thought I'd done something daft when I was drunk'

If that’s all you sent then you have zero to worry about.

I think it’s the mixture of the messages and the liking of all his photos on social media that’s the issue.

Many male work colleagues have done this over the years.
I’d be a bit uncomfortable knowing they fancy me but I wouldn’t complain or anything as it’s not harassment.

Don’t say your phone was “playing up”. Unless he’s a moron he knows phones don’t send random FB messages

I didn’t mean that. I meant for why she sent message to wrong person. I’ve had it before where I search a name and click on one I want but computer is being slow and hadn’t yet filled list of names so end up on wrong profile. Though I agree it’s not the best suggestion and could sound convoluted. OPs breezy message is better.

OP I'd take a two pronged approach.

To him I'd be light and breezy. A very short "sorry about the rambling messages, I stupidly drank way after taking headcold medicine, am cringing looking at them" and then not mention it again.

To yourself I'd be stern. You don't want to be in a position again of not feeling in control. Sort your drinking out. If that is the ethos of the place make sure you have one pint of water minimum between each drink, don't get into rounds, slow right down and switch to lower alcohol drinks.

I don't think you have anything to worry about. You were drinking last night, having a good time. The 'offended ' message was meant for someone else you were messaging at the same time (😉) - we've all done that. As for liking his posts, yeah, you were liking everyone's posts last night, loving the whole world!
It'll be fine.

I've just checked. I didn't like any of his photos phew

Oh dear, not gona lie, this is bad.

The only thing you can do is speak to him irl as soon as you can.

Shame faced appology. Tell him you and mates went out, let off steam, you ended up much drunker than exspected, you were all sending datf messages and it got out of hand, thought it was funny at the time and obviously now realise you went too far.

dani I’m sorry that happened to you but thankfully that hasn’t happened here.

I’ve received texts from drunk colleagues that were garbled or definitely not meant for me and no way would I pass them around. That is all I meant.

You sound as though you received something else entirely. I hope it was dealt with appropriately.

I wouldn't apologise or quit but just be a bit more careful of mixing drink and work colleagues! You've got the beer fear!

Did you actually read what the messages said? They weren't bad and they certainly didn't go too far.

I think a few people haven't read beyond the OP where Effing tells us what the messages actually said, and they were nowhere near as bad as she thought.

No, christ, don’t do this.

Delete. Ignore. Be normal and possibly distant when you get back to work. And then stop messaging him. Forever.

Oh dear - are you one of the people who feels a little bit silly, and is therefore now getting defensive?

Yes, the OP was being overdramatic - but so were the people saying ‘Ooh, that’s it, you’re sacked’ without knowing what was in the messages. Almost as if they were enjoying it… Who’s the ‘drama llama’ there, I wonder?

Nothing to worry about OP. He used a kiss himself at the end of his message didn’t he, so no worries there. As for the one about offending him. How about ‘Oops, was talking to my friend at the same time and just realised I sent you a message meant for her’. End of. Hope you feel better.

Think you need to stay well awy from him beyond basic work stuff in office hours.

And stay away from social media when you're on the piss.

These don't look too bad at all! In a week or so it will be as if nothing happened and all will be fine.

I'd probably send something like 'eeek, just catching up on my drunk messaging and have noticed I didn't leave you out. Sorry 🤣 a strong coffee for me - see you next week' - make a joke of it and subtly indicate you messages a few people perhaps? That way he doesn't think it's too personal.

Please don't worry it really isn't that bad and if you choose not to address it that would be completely fine too. X

Messages reasonably innocuous. Ignore the person saying you have to very seriously apologise and accept the consequences yadayada. Just breeze it out, and everyone will feel comfortable again.

Apologise profusely. Say that it was unacceptable for you to send those messages and being drunk was no excuse and it will never happen again

And accept whatever consequences there may be. eg him reporting you to HR

Fucking hell 😂

Also, put on a hair shirt and flog yourself with a cat-o-nine-tails