To get a tattoo removed without discussing with DH?

[LizardTattoo]

Right. I've namechanged. I need opinions as I (obviously!) don't think IABU, but I'm willing to rethink if I'm being a horror.

I got a dubious lizard tattoo on my back aged 15. Rebellious stage, but luckily it's only small and easily hidden. Not many people know I have it.

Aged 37, I've been offered free laser tattoo removal - I have had laser hair removal, and my lady that does it (a nurse) needed a tattoo model and thought of me. I've accepted and have an appointment for next week. So far so good.

This evening, I mentioned it to DH. He hit the roof. Says it's an important decision, I should have discussed it with him, even though it's my body and I have it right to choose, I should have talked it through with him, that he'd never change his body without consulting me.

I got angry, said yes, it's my body, and I was in fact talking to him about it - I was just pissed off as by his reaction he seems to think he's got a right to tell me what to do with my skin, which he obviously denies. He says our bodies are shared history.

Either I just don't understand and am a lizard-tattooed heathen, or he's displaying uncomfortable signs of control that were previously hidden.

So, AIBU not to discuss it before booking the removal?

(I'm having it anyway, no matter what he thinks - my body etc, which I think is really annoying him.)

No, you aren't being unreasonable. If it was a tattoo that you got with him, as matching ones, or it was a tattoo of his name then he might have a point, but a lizard you got when you were 15? No way!

Can she erase him from your life too

Tattoo removal is pretty expensive I believe, so it's great you're getting this for free.

Weird that he'd hit the roof , it's not as though it's surgery, or a risky procedure.

You've told him you're having it done. Let him be weird about it if he wants, and you enjoy being free of your dodgy lizard tat.

Your body, your decision. He has no right to say what you put on or take off your skin and it’s not really a decision you need to run past him. YANBU to not discuss it before booking.

That said it is something I’d probably have mentioned in passing as I was thinking about it, especially if I was getting it for free.

The only way this could possibly be unreasonable would be if the tattoo was on his body.

I missed this bit 'He says our bodies are shared history.'

Nah. Memories are shared history. He doesn't get a say over your body.

Posts like this really make me hate men. If it's something that you don't like on YOUR body which will not affect him physically in any way - why does he think he has the right to act this way?!?
I'm so glad you are getting it removed for yourself. No way are you being unreasonable. He is being unreasonable 😩

Is he a lizard disguised as a person so he’s taking it too personally?
Or is he just ridiculous?

YANBU and his reaction is very strange and a bit worrying. It’s your body.

Is he a big David Icke fan and he believes it's a signal/identifier to his rulers? 🦎

He's a nut - what's it got to do with him?

Does he secretly love the lizard tattoo? It's such a weird reaction.

His reaction is bizarre! You are really lucky to get this for free, my dh would be grateful for that!!

If it was a tattooed wedding ring (from your marriage to him) then I can kind of see why he’d be upset but even then, your body, your decision.

A dodgy lizard you got when you were 15? Were you even together when you got the tattoo?

Did he think it was pricey?
Does he think it's risky?

These are the only possible reasons for his protesting. Although, feels like a serious overreaction even if.

YANBU at all.

I wouldn’t be happy about the “our bodies are shared history” comment. I told my husband after my initial consultation that I was getting braces (alas not free!) not something I felt I needed to discuss at length

Oh wow, lots of replies, thank you!

Glad to know I'm not being a nutjob about this.

We weren't together when I got the tattoo - we knew each other but weren't 'together'
as such - that's was a while after. He did always like the tattoo - although I'm shocked by how much, apparently!

He's been happy for me to be sliced open to have 3 c-sections, so I can't see it being the risk factor he's worried about.

I think maybe he just hates that I've not communicated my thoughts to him. Maybe I should have mentioned it in passing!

This is spooky. I was literally just researching tattoo removal! It didn't even occur to me to consult my husband. YANBU

Completely agree it’s your body, your choice and your H’s reaction is over the top. Just wanted to share that i’m in a similar position where I have a seriously ugly tattoo on my shoulder that I’m dying to get rid of. I got it long before I met my husband and he’s fully supportive of me getting rid but he does say he will miss it and will be sad to see it go. He’s the only one who really sees it, and I think it reminds him of when we first got together and we used to snuggle up every night. It’s very much a part of me to him even though we are in a very different phase of our relationship now!

It may be that your husband is a complete arsehole about this or there are some worrying control issues going on and completely agree he has reacted badly but it might all just be a huge over reaction coming from some weird place of sentimentality or affection for something that is not that important to you. Either way he owes you an apology at the very least.

It's a bit of an ugly tattoo? So having it removed will improve the appearance of your back?
Is he threatened by it?

This sounds a bit like when a woman loses a lot of weight, and her partner can't cope with it, because she might more confident to look for someone else/ or get extra attention.

His reaction is strange and controlling.

I did something similar, but with a key difference.

When my dh and I were young backpackers, we had matching tattoos in NZ.

I loved it, but then over time, grew to hate it and find it embarrassing. Even though it was on my arse, so not really visible to anyone.

I had it removed 2 years ago. It took about 5 sessions of laser.

I didn't tell my dh and he didn't even notice for about 2 months! But when he did, he was quite hurt. He loved that we'd had these matching Maori Koru symbols (cringe) as part of an amazing 2-year adventure. He would never have his removed, but that's up to him.

I can understand his kneejerk reaction to being sad that we no longer 'match', but he would never presume to have any right to be consulted. And if it had been a foolish tattoo I'd had in my teens, I'm sure he'd be delighted.

our bodies are shared history

WTF... that's creepy as fuck.

Your body is your history, not his, and its fuck all to do with him what you do with it.

Does he like the tattoo or is it just that he's a control freak? Either way, none of his business.

That's a weird reaction.

Whatever his reasons, he really has no say. It's your body