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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a tattoo removed without discussing with DH?

105 replies

LizardTattoo · 24/01/2022 22:33

Right. I've namechanged. I need opinions as I (obviously!) don't think IABU, but I'm willing to rethink if I'm being a horror.

I got a dubious lizard tattoo on my back aged 15. Rebellious stage, but luckily it's only small and easily hidden. Not many people know I have it.

Aged 37, I've been offered free laser tattoo removal - I have had laser hair removal, and my lady that does it (a nurse) needed a tattoo model and thought of me. I've accepted and have an appointment for next week. So far so good.

This evening, I mentioned it to DH. He hit the roof. Says it's an important decision, I should have discussed it with him, even though it's my body and I have it right to choose, I should have talked it through with him, that he'd never change his body without consulting me.

I got angry, said yes, it's my body, and I was in fact talking to him about it - I was just pissed off as by his reaction he seems to think he's got a right to tell me what to do with my skin, which he obviously denies. He says our bodies are shared history.

Either I just don't understand and am a lizard-tattooed heathen, or he's displaying uncomfortable signs of control that were previously hidden.

So, AIBU not to discuss it before booking the removal?

(I'm having it anyway, no matter what he thinks - my body etc, which I think is really annoying him.)

OP posts:
Scout2016 · 24/01/2022 23:32

That's a really odd and rather worrying reaction. Is he the same with other things, like changes of hair colour?

Besides the point but is the person doing it properly trained to do the removal? Easy to cause scarring if not done right.

I have had one removed and 2 new while with DH. Never occurred to me to consult him. No, YANBU.

RightOnTheEdge · 24/01/2022 23:35

YANBU.
You did tell him you are having it done. Its not like you had it done in secret and told him afterwards.
If he really liked the tattoo and felt sad that you were having it removed he could have explained that instead of going off on one.

He says our bodies are shared history.
That's really creepy and weird!

Craftgirlx · 24/01/2022 23:41

This is so weird and controlling. I booked laser removal for next week and didn’t even think about consulting my partner on it. My body, my money, my decision.

BlissfullyIgnorant · 24/01/2022 23:42

Very bloody weird and a bit creepy.
Do you have any other tattoos?
Has he seen the results of tattoo lasering? Is he worried it'll turn out bad?
Does he think it's going to cost £££££?
Does he know it's only ink and he needs to grow up about your decisions?

Momijin · 24/01/2022 23:42

I wouldn't have had it removed without telling him if we had had it done together but that one that you had done that had nothing to do with him is weird.

Sure we can have preferences. I dislike tattoos and would rather my boyfriend didn't get one but of he wanted one then I wouldnt expect to be consulted. I have long hair and i know my boyfriend likes it long but i also know that he wouldn't be upset if I cut it.

Your body your choice.

givemepiece · 24/01/2022 23:45

Just an FYI. Tattoo removal is EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL. I'd say about 50 times worse than actually getting a tattoo.

Look into getting some numbing cream to use one hour before the appointment.

Oh and your Dh is weird

NotNowAlan · 24/01/2022 23:46

YANBU he's being ridiculous. He sounds like a man I used to work with whose wife sadly had to have a mastectomy. Afterwards we were saying at work how awful it must be for her, and he said yes well we've agreed it's an equal loss for both of us!!

I wouldn't even think to mention such a thing to my husband.

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/01/2022 23:47

That’s epic level nuts OP

If you wanted to say, fix a chipped tooth, would he want to be consulted on that? Letting a piercing grow over? Going to the gym to grow some biceps? Lying on the sofa and loosing the biceps?

Hopefully he is having a mad moment, but do be clear it IS. A. MAD. MOMENT 🤯 and he needs to smack himself in the head with a brick, or you will.

CakesOfVersailles · 24/01/2022 23:49

YANBU. Very strange reaction from your DH. If it was a special matching one you'd had done together, I could understand his hurt a bit more. But some random one you had as a teenager...

On the other hand if I had a partner who came home with a new, fresh tattoo on his face without telling me first I would be horrified.

But removing a current one from your back seems like your business.

I would wait a day and once everything has cooled off bring it up again. If he reacts badly twice, seems like you have spotted a real problem. If not, maybe a bad day.

Bussinbussin · 24/01/2022 23:50

Is he normally a complete fuckwit or is this out of character?

TurtleBackUp · 25/01/2022 00:01

Such a weird reaction! I wonder what was going through his head ?

WomanStanleyWoman · 25/01/2022 00:52

I’d get it if you’d had matching tattoos years ago as a symbol of commitment or similar. But a tattoo you don’t like that pre-dates him? He’s massively overreacting.

AtrociousCircumstance · 25/01/2022 00:55

Fucking disturbing reaction from him.

“Awww I love that tattoo - are you sure?” Is the only suitable response from him to express regret about it going.

Carry on with the removal.

Rightshoardingsaurus · 25/01/2022 01:03

it is none of his fucking business!

EeeICouldRipATissue · 25/01/2022 01:11

Eh?!
It's YOUR body.
He doesn't get a say on what tattoos you can have, or which ones you have removed!
Tell him to GTF.
(get to fuck)

KimikosNightmare · 25/01/2022 01:12

@pangolina

No, you aren't being unreasonable. If it was a tattoo that you got with him, as matching ones, or it was a tattoo of his name then he might have a point, but a lizard you got when you were 15? No way!
No- he wouldn't have a point then either.
blyn72 · 25/01/2022 01:25

You're not unreasonable.

Having the tattoo removed is a good thing and you will feel better for it. I suppose your husband has got so used to it that he sees it as part of you but it is not actually an integral part of you.

Please do have it removed - and don't ever have any more tattoos? They are so horrible.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 25/01/2022 01:29

Please do have it removed - and don't ever have any more tattoos? They are so horrible.
I don't have any tattoos but feel the need to do this Hmm Biscuit at that comment, nowt to do with you how many tattoos OP has really, is it?
Just like it's not her DH's either.

Iwonder08 · 25/01/2022 03:55

He overreacted. I wouldnt necessarily call him controlling based on just this event.

AlternativePerspective · 25/01/2022 04:06

He says our bodies are shared history. wtf?

As a matter of interest, what’s he like normally? That comment is disturbing and implies that he thinks he owns you in some way. Is this totally out of the blue or are there other examples?

EnterFunnyNameHere · 25/01/2022 08:50

Out of interest, would it be the same if your DH mentioned in passing he was getting a tattoo, and it was the first you'd heard of it? I think most people would feel left out if the didn't know it was on the cards, I'm not sure I think it's controlling particularly?

OneTC · 25/01/2022 08:53

Weird thing to get hyper about.

Moneypennysfreedomfund · 25/01/2022 09:03

He’s being a controlling arse.

Darbs76 · 25/01/2022 09:09

It’s your body, it’s got nothing to do with him, why would you need permission from him to remove a tattoo from your body? He’s being very very unreasonable

Tullig · 25/01/2022 09:17

That’s a weird and somewhat alarming reaction.

Mind you, I have seen Mners defending the ‘right’ of a husband to have a veto on a woman cutting her hair short…