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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a tattoo removed without discussing with DH?

105 replies

LizardTattoo · 24/01/2022 22:33

Right. I've namechanged. I need opinions as I (obviously!) don't think IABU, but I'm willing to rethink if I'm being a horror.

I got a dubious lizard tattoo on my back aged 15. Rebellious stage, but luckily it's only small and easily hidden. Not many people know I have it.

Aged 37, I've been offered free laser tattoo removal - I have had laser hair removal, and my lady that does it (a nurse) needed a tattoo model and thought of me. I've accepted and have an appointment for next week. So far so good.

This evening, I mentioned it to DH. He hit the roof. Says it's an important decision, I should have discussed it with him, even though it's my body and I have it right to choose, I should have talked it through with him, that he'd never change his body without consulting me.

I got angry, said yes, it's my body, and I was in fact talking to him about it - I was just pissed off as by his reaction he seems to think he's got a right to tell me what to do with my skin, which he obviously denies. He says our bodies are shared history.

Either I just don't understand and am a lizard-tattooed heathen, or he's displaying uncomfortable signs of control that were previously hidden.

So, AIBU not to discuss it before booking the removal?

(I'm having it anyway, no matter what he thinks - my body etc, which I think is really annoying him.)

OP posts:
StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 25/01/2022 10:12

I get the feeling from most of this thread though that if DH rocked up and said he was getting circumcised without consultation OP would be advised there should be hell to pay. The old MN double standard two step in full full flow.

Embarrassed for you.

Sausagesausagesausage · 25/01/2022 10:12

Maybe he could get a lizard tattoo instead?

Lweji · 25/01/2022 10:13

Tattoo site could get infected. Sepsis could set in. Nothing is without risk.

So is a cut while cutting up meat or vegetables. Grin
Better consult with him before preparing a meal, no?

Santahasjoinedww · 25/01/2022 10:14

When I goty first tattoo my dh declared he knew it was fake as I wouldn't dare get a real one. Took the dressing off and he went nuts. Stated he couldn't sleep with a tattooed woman.
Talk about a win
.
Exh now.

Lweji · 25/01/2022 10:14

Maybe he IS one of those lizard people and is terribly offended. You should ask him.

Velvian · 25/01/2022 10:14

"Our bodies are shared history" makes me really queasy. It is a really odd response from him.

RantyAunty · 25/01/2022 10:17

Circumcision and an old tattoo being removed are nothing comparable at all.

A partner might want a heads up of extreme body modification or face tattoos.

DontBlameMe79 · 25/01/2022 10:26

@Lweji

Tattoo site could get infected. Sepsis could set in. Nothing is without risk.

So is a cut while cutting up meat or vegetables. Grin
Better consult with him before preparing a meal, no?

I’m waiting for someone to say his foreskin is shared history
DontBlameMe79 · 25/01/2022 10:33

@Lweji

I get the feeling from most of this thread though that if DH rocked up and said he was getting circumcised without consultation OP would be advised there should be hell to pay. The old MN double standard two step in full full flow.

It's funny how people who mention the double standards rarely have a palpable example to show.
It's just their "feeling".

The only reason I can think of for DP to consult with me for elective surgery or any body changing procedure is if it cost a lot of any joint money, or he would need my support (time or money) afterwards.
Otherwise, no.

Of course that if he had surgery to put something like horns, then I'd make my own decision to stay with him or not.

Tullig and Ranty Aunty both think there should be hell to pay if DH was circumcised without consultation. So there’s 2 examples in the last page.
Lweji · 25/01/2022 10:41

Tullig and Ranty Aunty both think there should be hell to pay if DH was circumcised without consultation. So there’s 2 examples in the last page.

No. Those are two examples of people who think there would be double standards.

But, on a side note, MN is not a single mind. Double standards apply to one person, not to a message board where people with different views post their own opinions.

The people shouting up double standards usually don't put forward any arguments. They just shout it out to justify men controlling women's bodies. It's interesting. And worrying.

Silversprinkles · 25/01/2022 10:48

*our bodies are shared history

WTF... that's creepy as fuck.

Your body is your history, not his, and its fuck all to do with him what you do with it.*

^

Absolutely this. He does sound controlling and it's a bizarre and worrying reaction.

DontBlameMe79 · 25/01/2022 10:48

@Lweji

Tullig and Ranty Aunty both think there should be hell to pay if DH was circumcised without consultation. So there’s 2 examples in the last page.

No. Those are two examples of people who think there would be double standards.

But, on a side note, MN is not a single mind. Double standards apply to one person, not to a message board where people with different views post their own opinions.

The people shouting up double standards usually don't put forward any arguments. They just shout it out to justify men controlling women's bodies. It's interesting. And worrying.

The people shouting up double standards usually don't put forward any arguments. They just shout it out to justify men controlling women's bodies. It's interesting. And worrying.

My argument is the other way…there should be no control of anyone’s body by anyone else at all.

CityMumma78 · 25/01/2022 10:48

YANBU - your body etc. it’s a really weird reaction he’s had and to be honest absolutely nothing to do with him!!

Lweji · 25/01/2022 10:53

My argument is the other way…there should be no control of anyone’s body by anyone else at all.

Quite. But I haven't seen any threads about partners not consulting about circumcision. So, people introducing the supposed "double standards" and "circumcision" are just derailing the discussion of the actual problem here.

My bad for not ignoring them, but I do get fed up of this kind of pp.

Santahasjoinedww · 25/01/2022 11:00

Next time he disappears into the bathroom tell him you don't want him wanking with 'our penis' as you aren't in the mood..

Sartre · 25/01/2022 11:02

I don’t understand why he has such an issue with this, is he usually so controlling? Confused. To me it’s the same any other procedure, you’d never ask permission to have your legs waxed or nails done so why with this? His reaction is bizarre.

5YearsLeft · 25/01/2022 11:02

Do you think maybe it’s fear? This doesn’t make it acceptable but if he’s NEVER been controlling normally… maybe he’s seen that you’ve done hair removal and now you’re getting the wonky tattoo removed and he’s thinking, “Maybe she’s ‘fixing’ these things because she wants something better than me.” People can be strange about their fear of being replaced, and when they come out with some ABSOLUTE shite like “our bodies are shared history,” I really do have to wonder what they’re really thinking. Only you can know if this is fear, or something you can talk out, or a sign of controlling issues that need to dealt with. But yes, of course him losing his composure, yelling, saying such things, are all the markings of a world-class arsehole. The question is: IS he a world-class arsehole? MN can’t really tell you, but I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out in the days ahead.

Or… yes, he’s a lizard person and can’t believe you’d erase an homage to his true form Grin

Topseyt · 25/01/2022 11:07

Your body, your choice. What a bizarre reaction from him.

He may have had a point if the removal was going to cost thousands from the family budget as you would have needed to discuss finances, but even that isn't the case here.

I'd be telling him that a) "our bodies are shared history" is utter bollocks, and b) "I'm getting this tattoo removed, it isn't up for discussion."

strawberrymilk7 · 25/01/2022 11:22

100% YANBU!

Arnia · 25/01/2022 11:42

Your bodies are a "shared history"?! What a twat 😂

YANBU this is really weird and controlling. My husband has occasionally tried to be controlling about certain things - but there's no way he'd react like this. His reaction is very, very strange. Don't discuss it further with him, it's none of his business. Even he continues to act so odd about it/sulks then I would reconsider the relationship to be honest. Oddball.

waffle222 · 25/01/2022 12:25

@Footnote

Is he a lizard disguised as a person so he’s taking it too personally? Or is he just ridiculous?
😂🦎

OP- he's being an idiot.
I'd not jump to the full he's a controller in disguise but I'd certainly sit him down and explain his rea rjon makes you nervous and his behaviour comes across controlling. Your body, your choice.

Some men don't get this applies to everything!

Comedycook · 25/01/2022 12:26

Wow, that's weird!

Original poster
LizardTattoo · 25/01/2022 18:01

Well, some of that discussion escalated a little, didn't it!

Update. DH has apologised for being a dick, and says did not mean to sound so controlling. Apparently he's always had a soft spot for the wonky little lizard.

He's been told in no uncertain terms not to ever try to police my body again, or he fully understands that he will be under the patio.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
DillDanding · 25/01/2022 18:23

Aw. He overreacted, said daft stuff and apologised. MN would still tell you to LBT. 😁

Someone upthread said Just an FYI. Tattoo removal is EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL. I'd say about 50 times worse than actually getting a tattoo. Not my experience at all. It smarts a bit but nothing more.

Lweji · 25/01/2022 22:20

Update. DH has apologised for being a dick

That is all very well, but was it a circumcised dick?