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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want step kids playing in my bedroom

105 replies

TheAlwaysUnreasonableStepMom · 08/12/2021 22:16

Hey all I have a question.

Am I being unreasonable to not want my partners kids playing in my bedroom when they come. They play fight, jump on and off my bed and generally mess about in there because it's the biggest room. They're 8 and 9.

I intervened today when they asked their dad if they can play in there, I interjected and said no they can't.. I have lots of laundry I need to put away so I'll be going in there shortly and the bedroom isn't for playing in. He overrode me and said it was ok and he'd just move the laundry out of the way.

I know it's him being the ass here, but is my position unreasonable? Am I really being petty for not wanting kids jumping all over my bed and throwing crap around the room?

OP posts:
MollysDolly · 08/12/2021 22:18

No of course you're not.

Playing is not throwing laundry around. In anyone's room. And no, someone else's adult bedroom is not a play area to leap all over the bed.

ifoundthebread · 08/12/2021 22:18

Not unreasonable at all. I have kids 6 and 3, and don't like them being in my room unsupervised. That's my personal space, they have their own rooms and the run of the rest of the house, no need for them to be in my room as well

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 22:18

I don’t think he is being an ass. But on here some folks see their bedroom as their “Sanctuary” and even their own kids aren’t allowed in. Go figure,

HugeAckmansWife · 08/12/2021 22:19

Would you let your own kids do it? Honestly, some people wouldn't like this, some would see it as family space and free for all, there's no 'right' exactly but if it would be different if they were your own kids then YABU.

Billandben444 · 08/12/2021 22:19

YANBU and your partner needs to respect your boundaries. Talk it through with him until he gets it.

PrincessNutella · 08/12/2021 22:21

No, you have a right to boundaries.

esloquehay · 08/12/2021 22:21

Is it his bed, too, or does he sleep in the shed?
YANBU to not to want kids messing up your room. YABU if you've let it happen in the past and changed your mind without warning. Your partner was unreasonable to override you in front of them.
I think you need to address this with him when they are not about.

Hankunamatata · 08/12/2021 22:22

My own kids are banned from my bedroom (as I moved all the nice/expensive/sentimental items in there for safe keeping) so yanbu

Icantremembermyusername · 08/12/2021 22:25

DD likes to face time on my bed. I don't mind as my room is bigger and tidier (!) than hers. That said, she doesn't touch my stuff and knows that it's off limits when she has friends over or if I want to have an early night.
Step kids wanting to 'play'? No chance!

Chickychoccyegg · 08/12/2021 22:26

Do you live together/is it his room too?
I dont let my kids play in my room though, that's my own personal space.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 08/12/2021 22:26

I have don't like the way he over rode you no matter who is right or what wrong.

EezyOozy · 08/12/2021 22:27

I think YABU to refer to it as YOUR bedroom. And I think YABU if you think that the children shouldn't be allowed in there.

However, YANBU for saying they're not allowed to jump on the bed / trash the place. I can't see why they need to play in any adults bedroom ... presumably they have other areas to play in.

Nearlytheretrees · 08/12/2021 22:34

My DC are only allowed in our room if we are in there. They are not allowed to jump around on the bed and if I say no they don't go in there

gogohm · 08/12/2021 22:41

Is there another space for them to play?

FictionalCharacter · 08/12/2021 22:43

YANBU and he was wrong to undermine your authority.

endofthelinefinally · 08/12/2021 22:44

I wouldn't let my own kids play in my bedroom and definitely not jump on my bed! There dad is being a very inadequate parent. Are you happy to continue to put up with this?

Kite22 · 08/12/2021 22:49

@endofthelinefinally

I wouldn't let my own kids play in my bedroom and definitely not jump on my bed! There dad is being a very inadequate parent. Are you happy to continue to put up with this?
This.

It is nothing to do with being step children.
dc of that age should know better than to jump all over the bed, and should also understand and respect that some spaces are private spaces.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/12/2021 22:51

Do you live together?

YANBU about them playing or for thinking he’s an ass. It’s your room or your room too.

Blanketpolicy · 08/12/2021 22:56

Depends on where else they have to play. If they cant play in the living room because the adults are watching tv or they feel awkward, or their own bedroom is tiny or impractical to play in I wouldnt have a problem with them playing in my room.

The main problem is you and your dh need to agree on whats fair for your whole family. To me the kids having a decent space to play would be a priority over a bedroom sitting empty as long as they respected and didnt damage anything.

CtrlU · 08/12/2021 22:58

Would you feel differently if your own Children playing in there?

PlanktonsComputerWife · 08/12/2021 23:00

He shouldn't contradict you.

But I wouldn't mind the kids playing in there, especially since they had the manners to ask. Poor little things probably feel awkward enough anyway.

MzHz · 08/12/2021 23:03

If you don’t want them playing in there, stand up for yourself and say to h that “no, you don’t want kids playing on your bed, they have the rest of the house and you want some space that’s yours, be firm and say that this is the only home you have, they have 2 homes, so they need to be mindful of others”

Ozanj · 08/12/2021 23:03

It doesn’t seem like you have kids. But if the plan is to add a few later then you need to relax this rule because you won’t be able to your kids from your room. 100%. And discriminatory rules make the difference between a great stepmum and a piece of shit.

MzHz · 08/12/2021 23:07

poor little things? If they’re feeling awkward they wouldn’t be playing at all let alone in a room that a isn’t theirs

Kids playing in their parents room when they have plenty of other places is too much! Boundaries!

What’s the saying “good fences make good neighbours” same with kids

We need to not be “Muuuuum” every so often.

saraclara · 08/12/2021 23:07

@Ozanj

It doesn’t seem like you have kids. But if the plan is to add a few later then you need to relax this rule because you won’t be able to your kids from your room. 100%. And discriminatory rules make the difference between a great stepmum and a piece of shit.
She's not asking to keep them from the bedroom, she's asking that it's not used as their playroom and her bed not used as a trampoline. And I had the same rule for my own kids, just as OP probably will.
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