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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want step kids playing in my bedroom

105 replies

TheAlwaysUnreasonableStepMom · 08/12/2021 22:16

Hey all I have a question.

Am I being unreasonable to not want my partners kids playing in my bedroom when they come. They play fight, jump on and off my bed and generally mess about in there because it's the biggest room. They're 8 and 9.

I intervened today when they asked their dad if they can play in there, I interjected and said no they can't.. I have lots of laundry I need to put away so I'll be going in there shortly and the bedroom isn't for playing in. He overrode me and said it was ok and he'd just move the laundry out of the way.

I know it's him being the ass here, but is my position unreasonable? Am I really being petty for not wanting kids jumping all over my bed and throwing crap around the room?

OP posts:

NellieBertram · 08/12/2021 23:10

@Ozanj

It doesn’t seem like you have kids. But if the plan is to add a few later then you need to relax this rule because you won’t be able to your kids from your room. 100%. And discriminatory rules make the difference between a great stepmum and a piece of shit.

My kids aren’t allowed to play in my bedroom. This is quite a normal rule in many families.

timeisnotaline · 08/12/2021 23:12

I wouldn’t let my own kids, and I’d tell dp if he wants to override that he will need to find another bedroom for him. Since he doesn’t respect that I have any say in mine while we share it, we will have to stop sharing it.

Luredbyapomegranate · 08/12/2021 23:15

You aren't being unreasonable to want them not to play in you and your partner's bedroom.. but you are being unreasonable in not acknowledging that it is also your partner's room, he is their father, and your house is the children's home (even if secondary home.)

So if you want to keep them out of your shared bedroom, you need to negotiate that with your partner.

SpacePotato · 08/12/2021 23:18

It's your bedroom not a bloody soft play area. Your DP is an arsehole to override you.
Tell him to take his kids to the park if they want to mess about.

My DC aren't allowed to play in my bedroom and know they aren't to take their friends in there either. At 8 and 9 they are old enough to know better and respect your wishes and boundaries.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 08/12/2021 23:18

Telling the kids they have two homes, as though this were some unbelievable stroke of good fortune for them? Tone deaf.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 08/12/2021 23:21

My kids aren’t allowed to play in my bedroom. This is quite a normal rule in many families.

MN is another world. But then I was raised by a single mum whose bed for many years was a foldaway couch in the lounge/kitchen, so I'm quite pleased she didn't ban us from there.

Lollypop701 · 08/12/2021 23:23

I’ve never let my 2 kids have absolute access to my bedroom… they have their own. It’s my space and dh. So as our room we’d both have to agree to kids using it. I wouldn’t, so it doesn’t happen. Does he really understand you are not happy with this? Have you told him ? Because if so You have a dh issue, he’s telling you in actions kids come first and he gives no fucks what’s important to you (kids are a priority but shouldn’t always come first IMO).

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 08/12/2021 23:24

@Bluntness100

I don’t think he is being an ass. But on here some folks see their bedroom as their “Sanctuary” and even their own kids aren’t allowed in. Go figure,

My kids are allowed in my room but not to play in my room. My bedroom is for sleeping, storage and sex. Not for playing.

Emmelina · 08/12/2021 23:27

Of course not. We were never allowed in our parent's bedroom at all growing up and I strongly discourage my own children from doing so.

Sceptre86 · 08/12/2021 23:28

I don't like kids playing in my room, my own included. It is a rule in my house. When I lived with my inlaws my sil would get her back up because I had the audacity to say my room was not a toy room and I didn't want her son playing in it. Yanbu to want an adult space but the bigger issue is that your partner undermines you infront of his kids. I would address this now.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 08/12/2021 23:30

I wouldn't allow my own kids to do that.

nimbuscloud · 08/12/2021 23:31

Jumping on beds with my sisters and brothers was an absolute favourite game when we were kids. My mother was a saint !

TimeForTeaAndG · 08/12/2021 23:35

When I was 5 I was jumping on my parent's bed, landed awkwardly and whacked my head off the bedside cabinet. Immediately started being sick and had to go to a&e for a head x-ray.

Beds are not trampolines.

Adult bedrooms are not play areas.

gingerscot · 08/12/2021 23:37

No wonder kids are becoming more entitled and less resilient when they’re never taught to respect others. I don’t think their dad is doing them any favours. The world will not end because they hear the word no.

BoredZelda · 08/12/2021 23:45

I think first it matters who’s house it is.

But even then, if you said no, he should have backed you up as you weren’t being overly unreasonable. I couldn’t care who goes in to my bedroom but if I say no to something my daughter has asked to do, my husband would never over ride it.

BoredZelda · 08/12/2021 23:45

No wonder kids are becoming more entitled and less resilient when they’re never taught to respect others

Except they really aren’t.

RockinHorseShit · 08/12/2021 23:53

YADNBU

Pretty sure most of us don't/didn't let our own DCs play in our bedrooms either

Beamur · 08/12/2021 23:57

My bedroom is not a kids play area. Not my DD or my SC. Had I said no and my DH see fit to override me we'd be having words... That's hugely disrespectful of him.

FestiveFruitloop · 08/12/2021 23:59

YANBU to not to want kids messing up your room. YABU if you've let it happen in the past and changed your mind without warning.

No, people have a right to change their minds. Especially about their own bedrooms. Is the OP supposed to allow this to go on indefinitely just because she's allowed it up until now?

OP, you're not BU and your DH has no business undermining you in front of them.

FestiveFruitloop · 08/12/2021 23:59

@CtrlU

Would you feel differently if your own Children playing in there?

Yawn.

FestiveFruitloop · 09/12/2021 00:02

It doesn’t seem like you have kids. But if the plan is to add a few later then you need to relax this rule because you won’t be able to your kids from your room. 100%.

You're kidding, right? You actually believe parents are obliged to let their DC romp all over their bedrooms/just come in whenever they feel like it? What about private, adult time - are people not entitled to that once they have children?

If this is how a lot of parents feel then no wonder today's kids are so entitled.

grapewine · 09/12/2021 00:12

Of course not. Adults' bedrooms are not playareas for children.

Summerfun54321 · 09/12/2021 00:19

No right or wrong. People are allowed different rules in their houses. You just have to be on the same page and set out your house rules like any parent. My kids come in my bedroom all the time, I don’t see anything wrong with it. They know not to throw clean laundry about the place.

Emerald5hamrock · 09/12/2021 00:25

Yanbu.

Chely · 09/12/2021 00:28

We don't like our biological children playing in our bedroom so I think YANBU.

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