Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want step kids playing in my bedroom

105 replies

TheAlwaysUnreasonableStepMom · 08/12/2021 22:16

Hey all I have a question.

Am I being unreasonable to not want my partners kids playing in my bedroom when they come. They play fight, jump on and off my bed and generally mess about in there because it's the biggest room. They're 8 and 9.

I intervened today when they asked their dad if they can play in there, I interjected and said no they can't.. I have lots of laundry I need to put away so I'll be going in there shortly and the bedroom isn't for playing in. He overrode me and said it was ok and he'd just move the laundry out of the way.

I know it's him being the ass here, but is my position unreasonable? Am I really being petty for not wanting kids jumping all over my bed and throwing crap around the room?

OP posts:
whenthedoveslie · 09/12/2021 08:55

8 and 9 year olds jumping on the bed is odd and sounds really annoying.

Their father undermining you is a bigger problem however.

And no, my own wouldn't be allowed to jump on my bed.

Mumdiva99 · 09/12/2021 08:58

My kids are never allowed to play in my room. They can play downstairs or in their rooms. And no one is allowed to jump all over furniture full stop. Yanbu. Your husband should have backed you up not gone against you.

Hemingwayscatz · 09/12/2021 08:59

Nope, not unreasonable. My DC aren’t allowed to go in our room unless we’re there, it’s our private space.

shouldistop · 09/12/2021 09:12

Yanbu. My 5yo wouldn't even dream of jumping on my bed or messing about in my bedroom.
He's of course allowed into my bedroom if he asks and sometimes he'll ask if he can look at my jewellery or make up brushes or something and he'll do it carefully and put them away.
Does your dh not have any discipline with his children? If they need to burn off energy then he should take them to the park.

hangrylady · 09/12/2021 09:13

"As the saying goes, did you mean to be so rude? Because in return I find your rule ridiculous. My daughter could have played in my room any time"

My kids come into my room all the time. They climb into bed with me and DH in the morning, get dressed in there, DD does her hair at my dressing table and she's free to use any of my stuff, I'm in no way strict or precious. However, I won't let them bounce on the bed and chuck stuff around, nor are they allowed to jump all over the sofas downstairs either. It always amazes me when other kids come over (which is often, their friends are welcome anytime without prior warning) and they leap on the sofas. I'd be horrified if my kids did that in someone else's house.

starrynight87 · 09/12/2021 09:14

I would get a lock for the door, they can play in the other rooms.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 09/12/2021 09:16

@endofthelinefinally

I wouldn't let my own kids play in my bedroom and definitely not jump on my bed! There dad is being a very inadequate parent. Are you happy to continue to put up with this?
This, unless play space for them is non existent.
IntermittentParps · 09/12/2021 09:23

@Bluntness100

I don’t think he is being an ass. But on here some folks see their bedroom as their “Sanctuary” and even their own kids aren’t allowed in. Go figure,
What's wrong with that? As long as kids have their own space and the run of the rest of the house, and know they can and should come into parents' bedrooms if they're scared/ill/worried etc, I think it's perfectly fine and healthy to bring them up to understand about private space and respectful behaviour.
RockinHorseShit · 09/12/2021 09:33

Bluntness100
I don’t think he is being an ass. But on here some folks see their bedroom as their “Sanctuary” and even their own kids aren’t allowed in. Go figure,

There's a huge difference between kids being allowed into a bedroom & allowed to play in said bedroom. Never stopped mine coming in, though taught to knock & wait for a reply at an appropriate age. No way in hell would I let them play in my bedroom though, that's completely different

Sunshineandflipflops · 09/12/2021 09:39

My dc have always been allowed in my room (there was never anything in there that I would be mortified if they saw...I guess some people are different?).

There was the odd bout of bed jumping when they were little but only if we were in there. Mostly they only came in to see us though and were happy playing in other rooms.

You should have a say in your own house rules though, as he should. I'm sure a compromise can be reached.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 09:46

Next time he tries to initiate sex tell him it isn't appropriate in his dc's playroom.
My own biological dc aren't allowed in my bedroom..
Another Disney bloody df...

backtolifebacktoreality · 09/12/2021 09:47

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

I assume they have heir own bedrooms so that's where they play.

How would they like it if you went in their rooms and threw everything around?

They need to learn to respect other people's things!

Ourlady · 09/12/2021 09:49

I would be furious. He shouldn't have gone against you. Just rude!

Cbtb · 09/12/2021 09:59

As a child I was not allowed in my parents room, if I needed them I had to stand outside and knock (I was born mid 1980s not 1880s btw) and it upset me - scared after a nightmare in the dark in the night huddled outside their door wondering if they had heard me - so our bedroom door is always open and my daughter can come in any time she needs something - I think the step kids should be able to come in when they need their dad without worry. I guess it’s harder as you might not want to change in front of them etc and you might need to shut them out then but that wouldn’t be for long.

As for playing - it really depends on the size of the house and the other spaces to play. My daughter dosent play in our room and neither do other kids (other than huge hide and seek games) but we have other space. My SIL lives in a tiny flat and the kids play in my SILs room as their room is basically their bunk bed and a desk - no room to make a Lego creation on the floor. So depends if they have space to play elsewhere.

As for the laundry - of kids want to play where the laundry is then they can tidy the laundry up first! DD is 5 and can fold most of the stuff on her own and puts her own laundry away in drawers so stepDCs are defo old enough!

KateInHappyland · 09/12/2021 10:10

YANBU, my bedroom is my personal ‘me’ space - same as others have said. I understand completely!

AbsolutelyFuckinFabulousDarlin · 09/12/2021 10:11

@Bluntness100
yes I did
go figure

WaterBottle123 · 09/12/2021 10:11

My own kids are banned from my room unless I'm there.

It's my personal space, which as a fully fledged human being who pays the bills, I'm totally entitled to. I also pay for the kids to have their space,

OP YADBU. Some posters on here are nuts, adults are allowed space!

Twilight7777 · 09/12/2021 10:15

YANBU you are entitled to your own private space, presuming they have the full run of the house other than your bedroom

fournonblondes · 09/12/2021 11:04

Uff I would hate but I will never be a step mother. It sounds rubbish! Having to put up with shit like this all the time.

Bluntness100 · 09/12/2021 13:49

@WaterBottle123

My own kids are banned from my room unless I'm there.

It's my personal space, which as a fully fledged human being who pays the bills, I'm totally entitled to. I also pay for the kids to have their space,

OP YADBU. Some posters on here are nuts, adults are allowed space!

I think it’s about needs. I never felt I needed “space” from my daughter. She was welcome in our room at any time.

She’s now 24 , if she’s home, I knock on her door, if I’m in our room or her father, she will shout can I come in or are you decent, generally I say yes, even if I’m dressing which results in her saying “oh ffs😂”.

The point is I respected her privacy, she respects ours, at no point, has she ever been banned or not allowe into our room, as a small child she’d climb out her bed and get into ours when she woke in the morning. I wouldn’t have given a shit if she wanted to play in there. If she’d made a mess I’d have told her to tidy it.

I just don’t get that it’s my space and my children can’t enter th room.

WhenSepEnds · 09/12/2021 13:54

YANBU

It's nice to have one room in the house that you don't have to tidy after kids in!!

FatBettyintheCoop · 09/12/2021 13:56

YANBU.

Bedrooms aren’t playrooms. They can play downstairs in this house.

You need to be much firmer with your partner about the house rules.

LittleGwyneth · 09/12/2021 14:03

No. Bedrooms are private spaces where you get to say who comes in. You are being fully reasonable.

aSofaNearYou · 09/12/2021 14:05

@Ozanj

It doesn’t seem like you have kids. But if the plan is to add a few later then you need to relax this rule because you won’t be able to your kids from your room. 100%. And discriminatory rules make the difference between a great stepmum and a piece of shit.
😂😂 Charming.

YANBU.

OP has yet to clarify whether this is a shared home with OP and for how long, so it is not a given that this is actually a shared bedroom between OP and her DP.

But regardless, your DP should have respected your boundaries when you said no, it wasn't a large concession to make. I would be raising that with him - how does he see the relationship going when he will contradict what you say to the kids to their faces?

AffableApple · 09/12/2021 14:11

You have a DH problem, as the Mumsnet saying goes. Of course you're entitled to private, adult space. I wasn't allowed to casually enter my parents room either, let alone play in it. I was sometimes miffed about this, but especially now I get why that space was precious. And anyone with half a brain would realise that the only significance of the kids being step children is that their dad got to ride roughshod over your decision.

Swipe left for the next trending thread