To not want step kids playing in my bedroom

[TheAlwaysUnreasonableStepMom]

Hey all I have a question.

Am I being unreasonable to not want my partners kids playing in my bedroom when they come. They play fight, jump on and off my bed and generally mess about in there because it's the biggest room. They're 8 and 9.

I intervened today when they asked their dad if they can play in there, I interjected and said no they can't.. I have lots of laundry I need to put away so I'll be going in there shortly and the bedroom isn't for playing in. He overrode me and said it was ok and he'd just move the laundry out of the way.

I know it's him being the ass here, but is my position unreasonable? Am I really being petty for not wanting kids jumping all over my bed and throwing crap around the room?

[Lachimolala]

He’ll ‘move’ the clothes as opposed to putting them away himself?

I think that tells me everything I need to know 😑

[PrincessFiorimonde]

@PlanktonsComputerWife

Telling the kids they have two homes, as though this were some unbelievable stroke of good fortune for them? Tone deaf.

Sorry if I've missed it, but I can't see where anyone actually said this?

[Fromthebirdsnest]

It's an adult bedroom not a playroom I'd absolutely not want my children in my bedroom if I'm not in there especially not to mess about ...

[RobertSmithsLipstick]

Nobody is allowed in my bedroom unless they're invited.

[Ericaequites]

Jumping on beds should be forbidden in all bedrooms for everyone. It’s dangerous, and ruins mattresses, springs, and bed slats. Beds are not trampolines.

[Grayskelly]

My DC are allowed in my room, but not to play. It's a quiet space where they can sit on the bed and read or take time away from a sibling (mine share bedrooms) They certainly aren't allowed to jump on the bed, and 8 and 9 is way too old to be behaving the way you describe.

[AmIgoinghomeforXmas]

My dc are allowed in bedroom and yes I've caught them jumping around in my bed but after a couple of jumps I put a stop to it.
My bed isn't a trampoline.
They have a trampoline outside for that.

[FrenchBoule]

YANBU.

Your DP should take HIS kids to the park if they need to bounce off excessive energy.

As for “moving” laundry-no. Just no.

They can bounce on their own beds if your DP is not bothered about mattress being wrecked.

[Yogaandcocoa]

YADNBU

[FestiveFruitloop]

@Bluntness100

I don’t think he is being an ass. But on here some folks see their bedroom as their “Sanctuary” and even their own kids aren’t allowed in. Go figure,

@Bluntness100 you appear to find the idea of an adult couple wanting some space away from their children to - well, be an adult couple, and have some adult space - to be in some way odd. Why is that?

[Teachocsbook]

Don't allow it my children do it givenhalf a chance but they are told off and sent packing if I catch them. Someone mentioned the zafety iszue. That was my first thought. A few years ago I was busy decorating another room and three of mine went into my room and played monkeys jumping on the bed. Except one of them sprang off sideways and cut his head open on the bedside table. He's still got the scar there to this day

[Lockdownbear]

@Bluntness100

I don’t think he is being an ass. But on here some folks see their bedroom as their “Sanctuary” and even their own kids aren’t allowed in. Go figure,

Go figure what?
What's wrong with the idea that adults bedroom are not to be used as playrooms?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

He’ll ‘move’ the clothes as opposed to putting them away himself?

I hope none was his or his children's laundry. That would get mysteriously dirty again.

[Cascais]

Is it his room too?

[tallduckandhandsome]

Dump this dick head now, this does not bode well.

[fabricfanatic]

YANBU!

We were discouraged from spending time in my parents' room, and we weren't allowed to jump up and down on any furniture, including our own beds. They didn't want things to wear out, or for us to fall and hurt ourselves or break things. We went outside to run around and play.

The fact that they're step-kids has no bearing on this issue. The adults acting as parent/step-parent should be on the same page with rules like this. His refusal to back you up speaks volumes!

[Bogeyes]

Their dad is a prick. You should have stood your ground

[lunar1]

My children aren't allowed to jump on any beds in the house, or sofas and never have been. Walks in the park and bike rides are for burning off energy.

[aloris]

I don't allow my children in my bedroom. It wasn't always like that, as the bedroom used to be the place they wanted to be to read cozy books with me at bedtime. But eventually they got old enough that they were learning about privacy and it became evident that they needed to understand that you don't just wander into an adult's bedroom and start chatting to them or rifling through their things or treating all their stuff as toys and breaking it. We just found it was easier to teach them that skill if our own bedroom was off limits, the same way as grandma and grandpa's bedroom. It's not that they can never enter, they just have to ask permission first. They have to knock and wait for an answer if the door is closed, not just barge in there. They can't open our dresser drawers. That sort of thing.

It has also helped my mental health to set that boundary around how much the children are allowed to invade my space and co-opt it for their own ends. It provides a place where you are allowed to say, "No, this belongs to me, you can't have it." Everything else in the house is oriented towards their needs. I'm allowed to have the place where I sleep, change my clothes, etc, be for me, not them.

I don't think it would work for children below a certain age because they just won't understand it. So exactly what age does the transition occur? I'm not sure. But if you feel you need a boundary there by the time they are age 6/8, then I wouldn't call you wrong.

[Billandben444]

Dump this dick head now, this does not bode well.
Well, the 'throw out the baby with the bathwater' suggestion took longer to appear than I expected.

[DappyApple]

No none of ours were allowed to use our room as a playground. Same rules for both dc and sdc.
They were allowed in to watch tv or whatever but, jumping on the bed and messing around no.

I had to keep a closer eye on dd though as she went through a long stage of rifling through my stuff, taking whatever she wanted or breaking stuff (very accident prone) so I had to stop her going in alone altogether.

[DappyApple]

And they were all taught from a young age that you don’t barge into someone else’s room without knocking and waiting for an answer if the door is closed. Especially when sdc became teens and dc were still youngish…..Everyone needs their privacy.

[hangrylady]

@Bluntness100

I don’t think he is being an ass. But on here some folks see their bedroom as their “Sanctuary” and even their own kids aren’t allowed in. Go figure,

There's a difference between being allowed in and jumping all over the bed and making a mess.

[AbsolutelyFuckinFabulousDarlin]

@Bluntness100 , what a ridiculous thing to say . My children's bedroom is their private space and my bedroom is mine
Its about respecting each others space, if you've ever had to share you'd realise how important that is
Mine are allowed in but not to play

[Bluntness100]

[quote AbsolutelyFuckinFabulousDarlin]@Bluntness100 , what a ridiculous thing to say . My children's bedroom is their private space and my bedroom is mine
Its about respecting each others space, if you've ever had to share you'd realise how important that is
Mine are allowed in but not to play[/quote]
As the saying goes, did you mean to be so rude? Because in return I find your rule ridiculous. My daughter could have played in my room any time.